How do you handle intentional misgendering?

[Doreen]

I had one guy..one.. that kept doing this, only he was obviously intentionally avoiding any gender.  Problem was he was the head of the organization I belong to. 

I came up to him, out of the public eye, and directly addressed his issue.  I told him exactly what I don't have, and what I'm not, and please address me appropriately.

In the end some people dislike confrontation, but some people also only respond to actual directly addressing the issue and taking the bear on by yourself.  It worked.  From then on out, he referred to me correctly.

I don't like beating around the bush with these issues. Some things do require a firm hand and not shrugging it off... I did that too before, and the behavior continued.  Sometimes if you ignore it, it also escalates their inappropriate behaviors.

[Julia1996]

The last time I was intentionally misgendered was a couple of days ago by my Mom. 

She was at my brother's house and had me on speaker phone.  She referred to me as "Aunt X," and I promptly replied with "you mean Uncle Ryu."  She didn't say anything after than, so I started talking to my nieces, who never really knew me as female. 

Mom started talking after that, but I think its starting to sink in that I'll always correct her whenever she misgenders/misnames me.

Other people I don't know simply get corrected.  I usually correct them with the proper pronoun, or simply say, "I'm a guy/man/etc." and they usually apologize.

It hurts me more that my own Mom deliberately misnames and misgenders me.  I'm guessing I'll be correcting her for the rest of her life. 

Ryuichi

Surprisingly, as hateful as my mom is misgendering me is the one thing she doesn't do. She misgendered me and called me Julian all the time when I first transitioned but my dad and brother would both yell at her when she did so I guess it broke her of the habit. My great Aunt has dementia and when we visit her in the nursing home she uses my boy name and calls me "he". But the poor thing doesn't do it to be mean. She just gets confused. Really the only one who intentionally misgenders me in my family is my uncles hateful wife. But we have nothing to do with her or my uncle anymore. Surprisingly enough, as awful as my uncle was to me after i started going by Julia he started using Her and She and never misgendered me after that point. It sounded weird when he would tell my dad " she's just a gay boy who doesn't want to be gay. You shouldn't support her wanting to transition". Lol

[ChrissyRyan]

I think it is very mean for anyone to do this on purpose.

It is just wrong and unkind.

Ignore it.


Chrissy

[Ryuichi13]

My mother does this as well... not intentionally, I know it's just that she's 71, and it's a lifetime of habit for her, but it still hurts... I haven't started correcting her yet as I'm still presenting mostly as male, but it will be coming soon, and I'm just hoping I don't hurt her too badly with it.  *sigh* Then there's the rest of my family... fundamentalist... saying no more.

Yeah, I get it.  My Mom's 79 as of yesterday, so I'm not expecting her to change either.  The major difference is I've been presenting as male for well over a year and a half now.  Well before my voice began dropping during my first month on T.  My facial hair was growing pretty good too when i last saw her in May. 

So she knows I'm male now, yet still the misgendering and misnaming goes on from her. When I "officially" came out to my 81 year old Dad this week, not only did he refuse to refer to me by my proper name and gender, he yelled at me over the phone and threatened to hang up on me.  I'll also be correcting him for the rest of his life.   

My family's mostly Baptist, except for my Dad, who the last time I checked was Catholic.  He also quoted the bible at me and said your "choice" goes against the bible.  Why is it that he's only religious whenever its convenient for him?  And they wonder why I'm Pagan.

I'm so glad that they both not only live in different states, but a different one than I'm currently living in!  I don't have to hear their bull->-bleeped-<- except during phone calls or when I go back home to visit my Mom.

Julia, at least your uncle genders you correctly.  I'd be grateful for that!

Ryuichi

[Sarah1979]

Yeah, I get it.  My Mom's 79 as of yesterday, so I'm not expecting her to change either.  The major difference is I've been presenting as male for well over a year and a half now.  Well before my voice began dropping during my first month on T.  My facial hair was growing pretty good too when i last saw her in May. 

So she knows I'm male now, yet still the misgendering and misnaming goes on from her. When I "officially" came out to my 81 year old Dad this week, not only did he refuse to refer to me by my proper name and gender, he yelled at me over the phone and threatened to hang up on me.  I'll also be correcting him for the rest of his life.   

My family's mostly Baptist, except for my Dad, who the last time I checked was Catholic.  He also quoted the bible at me and said your "choice" goes against the bible.  Why is it that he's only religious whenever its convenient for him?  And they wonder why I'm Pagan.

I'm so glad that they both not only live in different states, but a different one than I'm currently living in!  I don't have to hear their bull->-bleeped-<- except during phone calls or when I go back home to visit my Mom.

Julia, at least your uncle genders you correctly.  I'd be grateful for that!

Ryuichi

The next time your dad says your "choice" goes against the Bible, ask him to cite specific scripture... I'd be interested to see what he comes up with.

[Ryuichi13]

The next time your dad says your "choice" goes against the Bible, ask him to cite specific scripture... I'd be interested to see what he comes up with.

Great idea!  Maybe I'll do just that!

Speaking of, I called my Mom this weekend for her birthday.  Yet again, she misgendered and misnamed me, to which I corrected her each time.  I think she has no idea how dangerous it is for me to be outed, especially if she does it in public. 

I suppose if I was 79, I might fuss like she did and move on. But, it still drives me up the wall to hear a name that belongs to someone else applied to me.    Then again, I just outed her as to how old she is! >: 3

Ryuichi