To start off with I am in my mid 40's and due to my attempts to overcompensate for my female feelings and dysphoria, I am huge. 6' 300+pds and balding. Also, all the trauma, abuse and neglect as a child played a major role. To top it off, major PTSD and anxiety got so bad, suicide was just days away. I was lucky enough to break through fog long enough make the call for real help. An after that first session, I knew what I had to do.
Over the past 9 months has realize through therapy I am transgender. After 3 months of therapy I decided to start HRT. I want to live full time, but realistically its not going to happen at this time. I am okay with that. I am focusing the mental side of being transgender. Now 6 months in HRT my feelings are definably more female. I love the loss of my temper and vastly reduced anxiety. My dysphoria was more about not being the person I am the inside, not body image per say. Yes, I love the physical changes too. I am working losing weight without gaining any muscle mass. So far so good. Everyday I see my true self in the mirror more and more.
First of all, As I work in healthcare with patients and their family members, many older folks would have issues with a non-passing transgender. I still get patients that want only a female to help them. I love my career and I am well respected by my peers. Nursing in general is one of the more transgender friendly careers. It not about my peers, it's my patient relationships which is uncontrollable. Maybe later on I will rethink it through, but for now it's my best option. I can live with that.
As to my family, parents are not in the picture, I am never letting toxic people into my life ever again. So, not a factor at all. My partner realistic would not be supportive. After I talked her about my Bi past prior our relationship. It snowballed fast to everything was my fault. We actual separated for 2 years and divorced for 4 years. We did reconcile and have been together for 4 years. I have been able to tell I like to dress in women's clothing, an after a tense month she was okay with it as long as I was alone in the house. So, telling her that I am trans seems to the final straw. I love her and I don't want hurt her. I think it would also hurt here relationship with our kids, as you will soon read why. So, another no reason not to transition at this time.
My kids are a different story, my daughter works in cosmetology and has trans clients. Her best friend is a lesbian and is married. No brainer there, I got my future hair stylist and makeup consultant. My son with today's society norms, he has gay friends, and has openly stated on many private talks with he only cares about on what is on the inside of the person, "I don't care who the sleeping with or look like". So finally, a positive to say yes to transitioning.
Finally, my reason to partially transition is based on my what's currently going on in my life. Will it change or get put on hold, yes, I would bet on it. If the stars line up and it is to be. oh, hell yea this girl is going to go for the stars. For now, I practice makeup, dress when I can, and at least on the inside be who I am. An in the mirror, I see more of her every day.
