Which hurts less

[Tessa James]

Wow Emma!  Your summary and what you have learned essay suggest an incredibly upbeat learning curve.  You got this girl!

[Emma1017]

Thank you Tessa!

The last two years for me have been the most painful of my life.  I am so grateful for the understanding, support, knowledge and sincere heart that has been shared with me.  Those two posts were a good way to summarize it all in a functional way for anyone who has chosen to even try to read this thread.

I never meant to make it this long but I agree with Kim, it is helping me and in doing so, I am hopefully helping others.

This next year is going to be a doozy!

[Emma1017]

Ok I promised an update after I met with Donna, my makeup stylist today.  Sorry no photos.  She insisted that we spend the two hours just shopping.  She wanted to maximize the time just buying the right clothes, so I went as me (not Emma).  She insisted that I should be proud that I was transgender and not embarrassed to look at clothes.

She dragged me to Nordstrom Rack, which is a discount outlet for Nordstrom.  No EBay for her or Emma.

Her strategy was to find blouses and dresses that were right for me...because I had no clue.  We went back to her studio. I did a fashion show and then I returned the rejects.  The next meeting will be a quick shoes trip, then a make over to check the look.  The next session after that we take a subway ride to the hair dresser wearing my new wig.

She is right to make me do this because I am seriously asking what am I getting myself into.  I think the electrolysis was easier to take than shopping.  I felt really intimidated shopping!

The next session is May 21 because I will be away on business for two weeks.  She insists that I go shopping again as me to DSW and try on shoes....she is a brutal gender coach but I get a kick out of her toughness

Hugs,

Emma

[KimOct]

Kirsten you made me actually blush...the fact that I am admitting it is interesting...hmm there is more Emma coming through every day.

Although I love that photo, I really don't feel beautiful.  That photo is great makeup and a wig.  I truly wish I had hair like that.  Mine looks like I was a prisoner in a Soviet gulag.

Kim thank you for "That is who you ARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  I hope that some day I will be able to say that with the same 100% conviction.

My next comment is just personal preference and I maybe in the minority but.....

There is no Emma and (insert birth name here ).  In my mind there is only one person.  I have no problem mentioning my former name. (Mike).  I was transgender as Mike and I am as Kim.   All I did was legally change my name to match my gender.  Most people use the phrase (dead name) eh,  I figure I am the same person just not hiding anymore that I am transgender.

I understand the point that you are making when referring to yourself in the 3rd person as Emma, you mean your female expression, presentation, personality.  But I humbly suggest to you and the audience    that those of us that are transgender are not two people rather the same person on a different part of our life's journey.

[KimOct]

Ok I promised an update after I met with Donna, my makeup stylist today.  Sorry no photos.  She insisted that we spend the two hours just shopping.  She wanted to maximize the time just buying the right clothes, so I went as me (not Emma).  She insisted that I should be proud that I was transgender and not embarrassed to look at clothes.

She dragged me to Nordstrom Rack, which is a discount outlet for Nordstrom.  No EBay for her or Emma.

Her strategy was to find blouses and dresses that were right for me...because I had no clue.  We went back to her studio. I did a fashion show and then I returned the rejects.  The next meeting will be a quick shoes trip, then a make over to check the look.  The next session after that we take a subway ride to the hair dresser wearing my new wig.

She is right to make me do this because I am seriously asking what am I getting myself into.  I think the electrolysis was easier to take than shopping.  I felt really intimidated shopping!

The next session is May 21 because I will be away on business for two weeks.  She insists that I go shopping again as me to DSW and try on shoes....she is a brutal gender coach but I get a kick out of her toughness

Hugs,

Emma

I LOVE DONNA !!!!

She is just what Doctor Kim (Moni's nickname for me) ordered.  Pushing you is great, to the extent that you can handle it.  If you are feeling uncomfortable that means you are pushing your boundaries.  Then you get to the next level.  I think I am going to start a thread maybe tonight about being comfortable in our own skin. 

Donna Rocks !!!

PS I got unlucky in many physical aspects - too tall, huge hands, big nose etc but I have very good hair.  Not sure how yours is but if you think you will eventually be able to go without a wig start growing it now.  Like electrolysis it takes forever.  I finally got mine chopped off this last weekend into a bob cut and all the women are complimenting me but it took nearly 3 years to get it long.

I know I know - professional look, blah blah.  There is going to be a lot more changing about you beside your hair.  Start growing it !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kirsteneklund7]

 Fantastic Emma,
                         I am learning from this. My lone shopping outings scare me half to death everytime. Often they are a bit like commando raids where I get in, get the items and get out.
I always smile and chat with the shop assistant as required, but every episode gives me a new stomach ulcer !

I would love to go with a cis woman & take my time, I bet you have learned a lot already.

Wishing you a successful fashion wardrobe, Kirsten.

[KimOct]

Fantastic Emma,
                         I am learning from this. My lone shopping outings scare me half to death everytime. Often they are a bit like commando raids where I get in, get the items and get out.
I always smile and chat with the shop assistant as required, but every episode gives me a new stomach ulcer !

I would love to go with a cis woman & take my time, I bet you have learned a lot already.

Wishing you a successful fashion wardrobe, Kirsten.

Kirsten, Don't beat yourself up.  Mine were the same as yours from age 20 to 55.  Now it's fun.  Takes work to get there.

[Kirsteneklund7]

Kirsten, Don't beat yourself up.  Mine were the same as yours from age 20 to 55.  Now it's fun.  Takes work to get there.

Thank you Kim- I will own it somehow!

[Zoey421]

My next comment is just personal preference and I maybe in the minority but.....

There is no Emma and (insert birth name here ).  In my mind there is only one person.  I have no problem mentioning my former name. (Mike).  I was transgender as Mike and I am as Kim.   All I did was legally change my name to match my gender.  Most people use the phrase (dead name) eh,  I figure I am the same person just not hiding anymore that I am transgender.

I understand the point that you are making when referring to yourself in the 3rd person as Emma, you mean your female expression, presentation, personality.  But I humbly suggest to you and the audience    that those of us that are transgender are not two people rather the same person on a different part of our life's journey.

Kim, I love the observation that as Mike and Kim you are the same person who happens to be transgendered. Thank you!

I have been thinking about this dilemma for sometime. Bruce or Zoe? Different, no. The same, yes. I am using Bruce in my professional world and presenting female. I am using Zoe in my social world and presenting female. The commonality: I am a woman. I know this and I live daily like this.

What is in a name? Social acceptance? So, I am trying not to get hung up on which name is used, at least for now. I will decide to formally change my name but I will let time take it's own course.

I am Bruce and Zoe and transgendered.

Luv Zoe  xoxoxo

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

[KimOct]

Thanks Zoe.  (My cis Aunt legally changed her name from Nancy to Zoie )

We all live this life on the transgender spectrum in different ways.  I am so glad to see you finding peace on your journey.

[Zoey421]

  This is who I want to be.

And she is beautiful,  Emma.

Zoe

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

[Emma1017]

Zoey thank you for your compliment!

Its funny Zoey I asked Donna to take a photo of me without any makeup in one of the new dresses and wearing the uncut wig because I felt guilty that my other photos were not a fair representation of what I look like.  I wanted to post it here to be fair about my looks.  That was the reason I deleted my avatar.  We all have enough issues to resolve without making someone uncomfortable with how they look. 

There's enough hurt out there.

She refused.  She understood what I was trying to do but she said that I should be who I am and no woman would allow an unflattering photo to be taken of her.  I still thought I was right but I let it go, for now.

We all have been challenged by transitioning to a sex that is so "looks" based.  The good news is we don't have to worry about looking 20 years old.  We can be fashionably mature.

Hugs,

Emma

[Emma1017]

Kirsten, Donna is right we need to have more pride in who we are and shake off the need to hide.  Its really tough given our decades of conditioning but we owe it to ourselves!  Is there a professional stylist in Darwin that you can hire for a trip or two to the store?  Like you there is no chance that my wife will help, ever!

Kim don't worry I don't have a split personality.  I speak of Emma and me in order to identify the different genders that I have in motion right now.  They are both me.  I am just peeling away the conditioned gender to allow the one in my soul to finally emerge.

Donna also scolded me to let my hair grow

Hugs,

Emma

[TonyaW]

My next comment is just personal preference and I maybe in the minority but.....

There is no Emma and (insert birth name here ).  In my mind there is only one person.  I have no problem mentioning my former name. (Mike).  I was transgender as Mike and I am as Kim.   All I did was legally change my name to match my gender.  Most people use the phrase (dead name) eh,  I figure I am the same person just not hiding anymore that I am transgender.

I understand the point that you are making when referring to yourself in the 3rd person as Emma, you mean your female expression, presentation, personality.  But I humbly suggest to you and the audience    that those of us that are transgender are not two people rather the same person on a different part of our life's journey.

Here's where I'm at on this. 

I'm the same person that as I was pre-transition. I don't need or want to hide or erase my past self and transitioning at 54 I really couldn't anyway. I had a good life pre-transition but can certainly understand why someone that didn't would prefer to forget that part of their life. I don't feel that my old self is dead, but certainly doesn't exist anymore in a sense. Retired? Evolved? I haven't been able to come up with the right word to attach to it yet.

I don't like the term deadname as it doesn't usually apply to me. I use it at times because it can feel like that sometimes, like when my father addressed my last birthday card to my full birth name when he hasn't used that in probably 40 years. He always called me TJ, which I purposely kept as my initials partly for him. That's a deadnaming for me.   A slip up from someone I know or hearing it from someone who wouldn't is not pleasant but I don't get upset usually.


I can see where referring to your self in the third person can be useful while still needing to present as both genders.  I did it in the past as there was a time many years back when I was starting to figure out that it was more than just crossdressing I  thought that I may be "bigendered" as I had heard it. Gender fluid is what they call it now I think. Separating myself that way helped me deal with it for a while.  Part of realizing I needed to transition was figuring out that there was no reason that all the stuff I considered "guy things" I could also do as a girl.


In the end we need to do what's right or needed for us at the time.You might have guessed that I'm not comfortable with my old name as I didn't use it here. As I hear it less, I may get more comfortable hearing it when referring to my past.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[Kirsteneklund7]

Kirsten, Donna is right we need to have more pride in who we are and shake off the need to hide.  Its really tough given our decades of conditioning but we owe it to ourselves!  Is there a professional stylist in Darwin that you can hire for a trip or two to the store?  Like you there is no chance that my wife will help, ever!

Kim don't worry I don't have a split personality.  I speak of Emma and me in order to identify the different genders that I have in motion right now.  They are both me.  I am just peeling away the conditioned gender to allow the one in my soul to finally emerge.

Donna also scolded me to let my hair grow

Hugs,

Emma

In a nutshell there is not a professional stylist or I would jump on it. I have had my makeup done once by a professional, I will go again. I just need to get a good look going and run with it. Public presentation would be a milestone for me.



Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Emma1017]

Kirsten my stylist is my make up person.  If you liked the make up she did, see if she could take you shopping.  That's what I did.  She would have as much fun as you and she will get paid.

Most important she already knows you are trans and will be supportive.  Set a budget and go have some fun!!!

Hugs,

Emma

[HappyMoni]

I hated my deadname. I want it gone and forgotten. I'll claim the rest of what I was, but not that! Even if everyone tends to mispronounce my nickname, it's better than that old ratty name. Now, stylists for the house!


                                                                   MONI

[KimOct]

I hated my deadname. I want it gone and forgotten. I'll claim the rest of what I was, but not that! Even if everyone tends to mispronounce my nickname, it's better than that old ratty name. Now, stylists for the house!


                                                                   MONI

So how is that pronounced again?  Is it moan-ie or money or mahnie?   

Why am I so mean to somebody I like so much?    I just love teasing.

For those that don't know it is Moni as in short for Monica.  I do really like the name Monica.

[KimOct]

Ladies, for those of you early in your transition let me share yet another story from the vault. 

Today's episode is about getting beauty help.  Emma has found Donna which is super wonderful fantastic. 

But for the rest of you or ( if Donna should win the lottery ) there are other sources.

In 1991 I went to someone's home and had a cross dressing makeover complete with fashion show.  It was fun but those are just for play.

If you are serious about beauty help in most major and midsize cities there are usually those that cater to transgender people.  But even better most of the large chain beauty places such as Ulta and Sephora LOVE helping us.  The young women that work there practically knock each other over trying to get to us when we walk in the door.

I am serious.  A gorgeous 28 year old was the first one to help me and we became friends.  I was HERS but all of the other staff were so friendly to me whenever I came by.  Hugs all around.  The same is true where I go for my hair.

Don't be scared, they LOVE us.  Just stick with either specialty places or the major chains.  You will be fine.

I will look for a pic of me when I first started going and got my brows done.  It is pretty hilarious.

[HappyMoni]

Thanks Dr. Kim, I know you got my back. Now could you take the knife out?  That's Moni like Bonnie!