Quote from: HappyMoni on May 01, 2019, 01:25:28 PM
It is true that the writers of the letters could possibly fudge the timing a bit, but they are not only looking at your intent, but also at your success in living as your true gender. Some folks complain about gate keeping. I'll be honest that first period of time during that year, it was awkward at times. I didn't pass very well or make great clothes choices, my mannerisms, the voice, and I thought the world was staring at me, and it was kind of rough at times. It was my basic training though. All the theory and desires we have in our little heads mean little until we have experiences. I had tremendous doubts that I was 'trans enough' (sorry stupid term that accurately describes my feelings). Each time I went out in the world as Monica was more affirming than any therapist session or fantasy of what it might be like. In my opinion, RLE is quite valuable. I'm not saying this is you or anyone else reading this, but people can and do lie to themselves. They talk themselves into things with theory. RLE is the antidote to this.
Warmly,
Moni
Moni per usual is right on the mark. Emma, Kirsten, Gina and others. We are not saying you are delusional or naive or even stupid. You just have not lived it yet. I remember not so long ago when I was planning my transition. I had this plan and that plan. I envisioned how I would look and how I would pull off this life changing event.
Then reality hit me in the face. There were the terrifying trips to Target ( a multi purpose store for those outside the US ) walking into a doctor's office presenting as female. Filling my car with gas wondering if people were staring at me. The interactions with cashiers calling me sir. The trips through the fast food drive through being told - pull up to the next window SIR.
On and on and on. It scared the $#!+ out of me. It was so hard. And then it gets tolerable. And then it gets easier.
And then you start to think about things and realize it doesn't matter what people think. You are living as you.
It took me about 2 years for the fear to disappear. But it was gradual. Now I realize that some people staring are impressed with my courage. Others find me attractive. And others disapprove. It doesn't matter.
And you know what? Most people don't even pay attention they are absorbed with their own lives.
It takes time and practice to get here. It is not because you lack courage. It is because you lack experience.
That is what I am beating the drum about. If you want experience pull up your big girl panties and DO IT.
I am only being a hard ass because I want you to live this. When you get to the other side it is great !!