Proof of RLT/RLE

[KatieP]

I've never met the Fashion Police but if I do I'll ask to see their badge. 

I think RLE is driven by three things:
1. Minimizing or transferring liability in countries where lawsuits are expensive and time consuming.
2. Insurance companies that are in a business based on statistical math.
3. Medical providers hoping to avoid patients making an irreversible mistake.

If you sleep naked which gender is that.  The other day I forgot to apply makeup.  If a MtF belches loudly does the 12 month timer start over?  Does a FtM fail RLE if their hair is too long for male military standards?  And then I get into the part that really causes this to disintegrate in my mind... nobody has shown me an absolute definition of gender binary clothing.  Clothing measurements are labeled and segregated based on gender but is not legally defined in any country. 

When I was asked I said yes, I will have been living in my target gender role as myself 12 months prior to GCS.  I wasn't asked for a precise definition of "target gender role" and I don't think any such thing truly exists because we are all sorts of people not machines.  I changed my legal name 3 months before GCS and changed my presentation at work 3 weeks before leaving for surgery.  At that point in time I had worn womens deodorant almost a decade, the brand is a Secret.  It all averages out.

Kendra

I think this wins for "Most Entertaining Post" this week!   

Kate

[KatieP]

I really think I need to pass before I can go full time.

So, probably, you will/can pass way before you think you will be passing. YOU will see "him" long after no one else can.


I posted this story in the Hobbies section but it applies here:

Today I did my SD County Sheriff's required CCW Safety training. ...

And, I had what might be my most fun/pleasant/encouraging "trans encounter" I have ever had!

We started with introductions. In my intro, I described my work, and then said, "Being transgender, and transitioning rather late, I have had issues with jerks who do not like my existence." The instructor said, "Wait a minute. What did you say?" I said, "About being transgender or the jerks?" He said, "You're transgender? I had no idea..." He then added, "I was a bit confused with the name on the application, but after talking with you, I knew I was talking with a woman."

So, he thought the voice was female, and further thought the voice matched the person. Oh boy...

As well, perhaps more personal, I met on Skype with a co-worker who knows I am Transgender, but has never seen me in girl mode, and I was using my "female" voice, which he had never heard. I showed him the avatar picture to the left, which I think is good, but far from "passing." My co-worker said had he walked by me in an airport, he would not have recognized me, and would have walked right by thinking I was a random woman. As well, on the phone, he said he could hear that it was my inflections and wording, but that my voice was completely female sounding to him. He also said he was not being nice in any way. It was just the way it was.


So, the point of those two stories is that "passing" likely happens earlier than you might think. So, maybe, not waiting until you are certain you pass 100% would actually work...


And, paraphrasing Moni, You are the best you no matter what other people think...



Kate

[Sarah1979]

I just think it very likely that if I try to be myself without passing,I will very likely be murdered, and to be honest, I don't really want to be a martyr to the cause.

[Michelle_P]

I knew I was full time when I had to move out of the home to my own apartment.  That marked the date and time precisely.  I filed for the name change within a week, as I had heard of one surgeon who used the court name change order to determine the 'one year' point.

It was earlier than I had expected, and I 'knew' I wasn't passing, but I was full time anyway.   It turns out that I was passing for casual encounters and even in short conversations, but I didn't learn that for months.  Most folks are not actively looking for trans persons, and when they encounter us they just make their assumptions from the usual gender cues and roll with it.  Give them enough correct cues and don't do anything to conflict with them, and we pass.

What I looked like then, maybe 5 months of HRT:

[KatieP]

I just think it very likely that if I try to be myself without passing,I will very likely be murdered, and to be honest, I don't really want to be a martyr to the cause.

I totally concur. There is nothing in this "cause" worth dying for. Including, taking your own life. (A permanent solution to a temporary problem...)


So, take all of this at your own speed. I mentioned that DIRECTION is completely up to you, well so is VELOCITY.


(Note too, after two or three encounters with jerks where I thought I might be hurt, I applied for a concealed weapons permit. That might not be your direction/choice. But you do not need to be a victim, nor do you need to live in fear...)

Kate

[KatieP]

Give them enough correct cues and don't do anything to conflict with them, and we pass.

What I looked like then, maybe 5 months of HRT:

Ummm, Michelle, I don't know if you are such a great example.  While you certainly look "better" today, more delicate and pretty, you did NOT look bad or masculine back then. And even back then, what great hair you had!!! I would kill a puppy to have your hair from back then... 

Kate

[Sarah1979]

I totally concur. There is nothing in this "cause" worth dying for. Including, taking your own life. (A permanent solution to a temporary problem...)


So, take all of this at your own speed. I mentioned that DIRECTION is completely up to you, well so is VELOCITY.


(Note too, after two or three encounters with jerks where I thought I might be hurt, I applied for a concealed weapons permit. That might not be your direction/choice. But you do not need to be a victim, nor do you need to live in fear...)

Kate

I actually already have a CCW permit, but it's not valid everywhere I go on a daily basis. In addition, a lot of the places I go specifically forbid carrying and are private property.

[Michelle_P]

And even back then, what great hair you had!!! I would kill a puppy to have your hair from back then...

Don't hurt the puppy!

That's a Raquel Welch "Crowd Pleaser" in pale golden/honey RL14/88.   It's badly overconditioned and humidity-limp in that picture.  I have the same hair in my current avatar.

[KatieP]

I actually already have a CCW permit, but it's not valid everywhere I go on a daily basis. In addition, a lot of the places I go specifically forbid carrying and are private property.

Go over to the Hobbies --> Guns section for a list of fun gun tropes, but the two that seem to apply here are:

-- It's better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6

-- Concealed is concealed...


You have to do what you have to do...

Kate

[Sarah1979]

So, probably, you will/can pass way before you think you will be passing. YOU will see "him" long after no one else can.


I posted this story in the Hobbies section but it applies here:

Today I did my SD County Sheriff's required CCW Safety training. ...

And, I had what might be my most fun/pleasant/encouraging "trans encounter" I have ever had!

We started with introductions. In my intro, I described my work, and then said, "Being transgender, and transitioning rather late, I have had issues with jerks who do not like my existence." The instructor said, "Wait a minute. What did you say?" I said, "About being transgender or the jerks?" He said, "You're transgender? I had no idea..." He then added, "I was a bit confused with the name on the application, but after talking with you, I knew I was talking with a woman."

So, he thought the voice was female, and further thought the voice matched the person. Oh boy...

As well, perhaps more personal, I met on Skype with a co-worker who knows I am Transgender, but has never seen me in girl mode, and I was using my "female" voice, which he had never heard. I showed him the avatar picture to the left, which I think is good, but far from "passing." My co-worker said had he walked by me in an airport, he would not have recognized me, and would have walked right by thinking I was a random woman. As well, on the phone, he said he could hear that it was my inflections and wording, but that my voice was completely female sounding to him. He also said he was not being nice in any way. It was just the way it was.


So, the point of those two stories is that "passing" likely happens earlier than you might think. So, maybe, not waiting until you are certain you pass 100% would actually work...


And, paraphrasing Moni, You are the best you no matter what other people think...



Kate

I also was thinking about this earlier today, during my period of DIY HRT, right at the end, I remember being able to see myself under HIS face,  so I might be able to see myself objectively, at least I hope so.

[Lucy Ross]

Are you in long haul trucking, Sarah?  That's a pretty butch profession where you cross state lines a lot, invalidating your CCW license as you go along.  Here's someone who drives truck and has transitioned:  The Heroines of My Life: Interview with Gerri Cannon 

Gender clinics used to have really ridiculous standards, which often said a lot about where they were coming from, one description was that your role models should be either Marilyn Monroe or John Wayne!  You know, just slather it on as thick as possible.  Once people were through they'd go right back to being whoever they felt like, of course.  I don't think gatekeepers anywhere are still priggish in this way. 

What Sarah touched on about dangerous situations used to apply most everywhere, too - people had absolutely no contact or experience with TSs and you were expected to go right into stealth, being clocked meant your career would be over, and possibly your life, too.  Whereas now, if you happen to be in the right part of the world, you just can go through life having to deal with bigots from time to time.

[Sarah1979]

Are you in long haul trucking, Sarah?  That's a pretty butch profession where you cross state lines a lot, invalidating your CCW license as you go along.  Here's someone who drives truck and has transitioned:  The Heroines of My Life: Interview with Gerri Cannon 

Gender clinics used to have really ridiculous standards, which often said a lot about where they were coming from, one description was that your role models should be either Marilyn Monroe or John Wayne!  You know, just slather it on as thick as possible.  Once people were through they'd go right back to being whoever they felt like, of course.  I don't think gatekeepers anywhere are still priggish in this way. 

What Sarah touched on about dangerous situations used to apply most everywhere, too - people had absolutely no contact or experience with TSs and you were expected to go right into stealth, being clocked meant your career would be over, and possibly your life, too.  Whereas now, if you happen to be in the right part of the world, you just can go through life having to deal with bigots from time to time.

Yes I am,I like driving. My therapist doesn't have a problem with it apart from being able to keep my appointments(he's an online therapist), interestingly enough, he's the one that had to cancel this week's appointment. My company's supposed to be very inclusive about trans drivers, according to slate.comn there's at least one other MTF driver working for them. My main concerns are about the potential bigotry from other drivers and keeping a  electrolysis schedule.

[AnonyMs]

There's a trans truck driver on YouTube, TGlife4Jessica.

[Sarah1979]

There's a trans truck driver on YouTube, TGlife4Jessica.

I hadn't heard of her, but then again, I've been so focused on getting to the point of restarting my transition, I can barely see my hand in front of my face lol.

[KatieP]

As well, a fairly public Trans Truck Driver is Kira Wertz...

https://medium.com/@kirawertz and https://medium.com/the-transition-transmission

Kate