Coming out at work???

[Dakotah95]

Okay, I'm starting a new job in a week. I'm just beginning to come out in my daily life and working towards starting HRT. At my interview I introduced myself with my birth name as I always have; but now that I am beginning to come out to the people in my life I want to go by my chosen name everywhere that I can. It will be a while until I can actually start HRT. I have to have therapy appointments and find a therapist and a doctor to prescribe testosterone. It's going to take some time.
Should I just continue using my birth name at this new job, or should I speak with my manager about introducing me as Dakotah and he/him on my first day instead? I would definitely feel more comfortable going by Dakotah, but is it too soon to ask this?

If I should ask to do this, how should I even begin that conversation?
Please, all the advice I can get would be so appreciated. I'm really stressing this..

[LizK]

Dear Dakotah

Welcome to Susan's. I hope you enjoy your time here.

I can't really give advice on the subject as its something I have never had to deal with. I am not able to work and transitioned after I lost the ability to.

I am sure there will be other along to help you with your question.

So you are able to get the very best from being here there are a couple of links we give to all our new members

Regards

Liz

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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. If your presenting as masculine as possible, then it would be a good idea to avoid people needing to switch to a new name latter one. Other than that, you could ask your boss if it's ok. Remember that people go by nick names and often totally lose their birth name. It might be a bit unusual but there is nothing wrong with going by Dakotah. Once I knew of a guy who went by the name of Arizona. He had never been to the state and I don't know why he use the name but nobody argued about it. On the other hand, I worked with a girl who went by BJ. I never had the nerve to ask her what her real name was as it could have been something very embarrassing and I didn't have a real need to know. People do it all the time for many reason and polite company doesn't ask.

[Dakotah95]

I do my best to look as masculine as I can, but I look somewhat feminine still. I definitely sound feminine.
Also thank you for telling me about the nicknames, that eases my anxiety about it a little bit.
This is something I really want to do, I'm just afraid to. I'm worried I'm going to go about it the wrong way or that someone will have a bad reaction and not allow me to do it.  I'm also worried about the bathroom situation, The building doesn't have a unisex/one stall bathroom.

[Daniels]

Hi,

Lots of people go by nicknames. If you tell your new co-workers that you go by Dakotah then they will likely call you that even if they know your birth name. I think Dakotah is gender neutral so you don't have to ask for male pronouns at this point unless you want to.

I suggest you tell people your chosen name on day one and explain that it's the name that everyone you know calls you. No one will know you just started using this name unless you tell them. (Unless you are in a small town. Then everyone knows everything dammit).

There's always going to be someone who pushes to know your "real" name but don't tell them. You don't owe them anything. I have gone by a nickname for years and I stopped telling my birth name when asked because a few people will insist on calling me that once they know.

Good luck with the new job!

[Ricki Wright]

If that is the name you have chosen and plan to legally change it to, having new people use it right from the start sounds like a brilliant plan

Ricki

[Gamergirl]

If you feel comfortable with everyone knowing your true self, I would recommend going with the name you wish to be called as well as the gender pronoun. Once people know your former name or the initial introduction is done with the wrong gender pronoun, it is extremely difficult for some people to automatically call you by anything else. I have had people who knew me before transition tell me that. They don't mean to, but it takes root like an agressive weed.  If you choose a name that fits your true gender then it makes people look dumb to use the wrong pronoun.

Some rude people specifically ask for my born name and I tell them it has always been my (new) name.  I dont even tell friends post-transition. It just highlights a past I want to forget.

[Megan.]

I transitioned in role at my employer. I did it big-bang, changing my presentation,  name and pronouns over a weekend.
I'm in my 40's with children, an Ex, and a long career, so stealth wasn't a practical option.
It's a very personal decision, but I decided to be very visible in my company,  as there were no other visible trans* role models at that time.
My first point of contact at work was having a confidential chat with someone from HR, and I then brought my line manager into a follow meeting so we could plan the steps.

Good luck! X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Mariah]

At the time I worked for the state so I just had to let my manager know and then when the legal parts of the changes occurred everything was dealt with through HR. in regards to my spouse, they and I had a chat with HR at our current work place and then she talked with their supervisor. Then the day after that they were presenting female generally at work. Hugs
Mariah