Hiding From My Religion

[zarah3mla]

I joined my church stealth, and I could be excommunicated if they ever found out. I would never leave as I love my church and value it over my life. While it's not a requirement, it's expected to date and marry inside the church. Obviously my biggest worry is I couldn't date, much less marry, someone without outing myself to them, which might have a domino effect and ruin my life. My only hope is to date outside the church with someone who's accepting or maybe trans themself and have them convert but it feels so....scummy. I want a life with someone who truly believes in the church but how could I ask someone willing to accept me to follow a church that condemns me. I know it seems like a self made problem and perhaps it is one, but I feel so helpless and alone and kinda just wanted to vent. Made an account just for this post too...

[Northern Star Girl]

I joined my church stealth, and I could be excommunicated if they ever found out. I would never leave as I love my church and value it over my life. While it's not a requirement, it's expected to date and marry inside the church. Obviously my biggest worry is I couldn't date, much less marry, someone without outing myself to them, which might have a domino effect and ruin my life. My only hope is to date outside the church with someone who's accepting or maybe trans themself and have them convert but it feels so....scummy. I want a life with someone who truly believes in the church but how could I ask someone willing to accept me to follow a church that condemns me. I know it seems like a self made problem and perhaps it is one, but I feel so helpless and alone and kinda just wanted to vent. Made an account just for this post too...

@zarah3mla   
Dear Zarah:
    I see that you just signed up as a brand new member of Susan's Place and that this is your very first posting. 

    I am most pleased that you had decided to join Susan's Place and thank you for writing about your concerns here on the Forum.

    You should know that this is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    Please allow me to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
I have included information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
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[NatalieRene]

I apologize if what you read below is triggering. Understand I am not hating on Christians, the holy trinity or the faith. To the contrary I am Christian.

Are you worshipping at a cult? I have never heard of this requirement to Mary within the church let alone being excommunicated for nothing more then being trans. I have a real problem with churches like this. They are not spreading God's message if this is actually how they conduct themselves.

If this is how they conduct themselves I imagine Jesus would smash open their doors and run the congregation out of the building kicking over the tables.

I wouldn't give the time of day to a church or group that would excommunicate me for being me. Who among them are without sin and so pious to judge so sternly?

[Northern Star Girl]

@zarah3mla 
Oh, and another thing, Zarah,
Since you are almost 16 years old and one of our younger members would you please make a point to stop by the Youth Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself and therefore be able to receive and to give more suggestions and shared thoughts.

Now, after all of this Official Greeting stuff you can have your thread back to get more of the answers and comments that you are seeking !!!!

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle

[zarah3mla]

I apologize if what you read below is triggering. Understand I am not hating on Christians, the holy trinity or the faith. To the contrary I am Christian.

Are you worshipping at a cult? I have never heard of this requirement to Mary within the church let alone being excommunicated for nothing more then being trans. I have a real problem with churches like this. They are not spreading God's message if this is actually how they conduct themselves.

If this is how they conduct themselves I imagine Jesus would smash open their doors and run the congregation out of the building kicking over the tables.

I wouldn't give the time of day to a church or group that would excommunicate me for being me. Who among them are without sin and so pious to judge so sternly?

Haha, I like a lot of the descriptive imagery you used. Imagining Jesus smashing open my church doors is a funny thought. A lot of people think my religion is a cult, but I promise it's not, which probably makes it sound more like one  .  It's not mandatory to marry in the church, you're not punished if you don't. It's just that our teachings are a bit unique to others and it's kind of a responsibility on our shoulders to make sure we raise a family that understands our teachings. Also, I've always envisioned myself having a family heavily involved in the church, and it's just something I want for myself, which makes me sound a bit selfish considering it's a bit of a self made problem. There's also something called a "temple marriage" in my religion, which is a special marriage that only two members can have because they're supposed to be married for eternity, even in the afterlife. It's a really beautiful and important ceremony, and marrying outside of the church prevents that.

Being trans yourself doesn't get you excommunicated, but undergoing surgery might, which kinda goes hand in hand for at least me. Being trans bars you from doing a lot of important church work and holding basic positions in the church, and the fact that I "lied" my way into them by going stealth is what would probably get be the boot.

I didn't take offense to what you said, you seem sweet and only acting out of concern, so thank you a lot for reading and taking the time to help.

[NatalieRene]

Haha, I like a lot of the descriptive imagery you used. Imagining Jesus smashing open my church doors is a funny thought. A lot of people think my religion is a cult, but I promise it's not, which probably makes it sound more like one  .  It's not mandatory to marry in the church, you're not punished if you don't. It's just that our teachings are a bit unique to others and it's kind of a responsibility on our shoulders to make sure we raise a family that understands our teachings. Also, I've always envisioned myself having a family heavily involved in the church, and it's just something I want for myself, which makes me sound a bit selfish considering it's a bit of a self made problem. There's also something called a "temple marriage" in my religion, which is a special marriage that only two members can have because they're supposed to be married for eternity, even in the afterlife. It's a really beautiful and important ceremony, and marrying outside of the church prevents that.

Being trans yourself doesn't get you excommunicated, but undergoing surgery might, which kinda goes hand in hand for at least me. Being trans bars you from doing a lot of important church work and holding basic positions in the church, and the fact that I "lied" my way into them by going stealth is what would probably get be the boot.

I didn't take offense to what you said, you seem sweet and only acting out of concern, so thank you a lot for reading and taking the time to help.

If that is the case do like my parents. My mom wasn't in the church but my step dad had his priest marry them. Then we joined the church. As a a kid I went to Saint Ann's for a little while until we moved and then we attended Springfield Catholic Church.

Why can't a trans person serve the congregation?

I suppose it is a lie of omission but I don't recall any church ever asking me if I was male or female before or after I transitioned. If it bothers you confess to Jesus and God in private not to the priest. You don't need a priest to absolve you God does that, he knows your heart.

You are what you are. Do not apologize for it. It is not a sin to transition. This is part of the curse of Adam and penance. Try to be the best person you can be and be known by your actions and deeds. If they find out and can't accept you then they reject god and you should find another church.

[Ann W]

There's also something called a "temple marriage" in my religion, which is a special marriage that only two members can have because they're supposed to be married for eternity, even in the afterlife

You may already be familiar with this, but just in case you aren't ...

https://affirmation.org/transgender/

[Monica]

I'm really curious about what church is being talked about. Offhand, given what we know, it sounds like latter day saints. They're truly weird about this, and their track record with marginalized groups is awful. I don't know if it would be possible, at all, to keep a secret like this from them forever. The research they do on their members is extensive. Or, rather, it can be. Their genealogy software is some of the best in the world. Is there any reasonable way to be honest about it?