Come out to my kids presenting Male or Female?

[Wendi]

Susan, I just read your story and I'm glad to hear you're finally completely out and that overall it was accepted well. What a relief for you. Congratulations.

I might have missed it but are you still working? If so how did those conversations go?

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[Susan R]

Susan, I just read your story and I'm glad to hear you're finally completely out and that overall it was accepted well. What a relief for you. Congratulations.

I might have missed it but are you still working? If so how did those conversations go?

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Thank you, Wendi for taking time to read through my 'coming out' journey.  And yes, it is truly a relief to finally get it all done once and for all.  Although, I had an unplanned discussion with another neighbor much further down the road a few hours ago so there may likely be others along the way but for the most part, it's done.  My wife and I are retired empty nesters so we didn't have to deal with any of those issues.  We did let one of the previous coworkers who we are still in contact with know about my changes.  It was the third person I came out to, in fact.  My wife and brother-in-law being the first two people to know.

Susan R🌷

[Lexxi]

Hi Susan,

Thank you so much for the kind words of support. They mean a lot to me. As I read back through some of what I wrote I realized that I failed to mention something. It was something really big that caught my attention, but as I wrote to you it slipped my mind.

What I'm talking about is the fact that your wife ROCKS!! She must be an amazing woman, and I think you're very lucky to have her in your life. I'm so glad that she accepts you for who you really are. Having someone with that much compassion and understanding is very rare nowadays. Kudos to her!

Lexxi

[Susan R]

What I'm talking about is the fact that your wife ROCKS!! She must be an amazing woman, and I think you're very lucky to have her in your life. I'm so glad that she accepts you for who you really are. Having someone with that much compassion and understanding is very rare nowadays. Kudos to her!

Lexxi

Lexxi, my wife is the most amazing person I know.  Being in a similar situation as a TG person and all, you can appreciate and fully understand why I am am so lucky to have her in my life.  I had no idea she had as much love for me as she does until I came out to her.  I am going to share your post with her because it is the absolute truth.  She may think I'm bias because it comes from me...and she may be right.  But it's nice to hear it from others like yourself and I think she needs to know.  Thanks again for your thoughts.  Feel free to reach out to me here anytime!

Warm Regards,
Susan R🌷

[Susan R]

There was only the one conservative Christian lady friend that we saved for last.  My wife and I had procrastinated so long mainly because we already knew she would reject us.  We had a good friendship with her that has lasted years.  We knew that the relationship would end immediately so it was easy to postpone.  Today, we decided we were going to bite the bullet.  We told her and she did not respond well and we didn't really know what to expect from her from that point forward.  She came back over this afternoon and had a complete change of heart.  She said she loved me and did not want to lose the great friendship we had built over the years.  My wife and I were blown away.  I felt like crying it was so heart warming.  She really cherished our relationship that much.  I sort of felt bad for writing her off.

I have some good news and some bad news to share today.  First with the bad news...Today was a life lesson.  I realize people can come and go when you least expect them.  My relationship with my Christian neighbor lady has again taken a step backwards but it looks like she "will leave the door open for (my dead name) to return."   Unbelievable as it sounds, those are some of her exact words to my wife earlier this afternoon.

My wife had not heard from her since a few days after I came out.  Before her sudden disappearance, I was outside working in our front yard garden.  She walked our place and didn't even notice it was me and then I looked up at her and said, "Hi".  It was the first time she had seen me a Susan since accepting me as such.  She immediately stopped in her tracks and started to walk away with her little dog, Toto.  I said, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you." And she said, "I'm ok..I just didn't see you there" and she went on her merry way.  It was a bit awkward but I actually thought nothing much of it and went back to my watering.

My wife and her went out to lunch the very next day and she said she was just surprised I looked so feminine and was at a loss for words.  They talked about the struggles and difficulties of the transition and my wife thought she had more or less "adjusted" ok to the new situation.

Three days pass and no reply to any of the texts my wife sent her and she did not answer her door.  My wife assumed she was gone but she usually is never gone overnight anywhere so something was off.

My wife went over earlier this evening and saw she was home but was very stand-off-ish with her.  They sat down and talked and I guess in a nutshell, after having several days to think about it and who knows what influences, she has reversed course and will not be coming into our home anymore but my wife can visit her any time she wants.  As mentioned above, she was nice enough to say "will leave the door open for the old me to return."  Meaning if I ever change back to pre-HRT me Ill be invited back into her life.  She told my wife she would support me but when my wife asked, "How can you support someone if you want nothing to do with them?"  The neighbor lady had no answer.

What an amazing turn of events.  Truthfully, I gave much more into that relationship than I ever got from it.  Her loss.  My wife, however, came home in tears and feels she would be doing me an injustice if she stayed friends with her in any capacity.  I told my wife she had lost a friend but a friend with many conditions.  I said it was up to her if she wanted to continue her friendship with her.  I would not interfere in any way.

Now the good news...before this challenge with our neighbor lady happened we had spent 3-4 hours with my middle daughters entire family at our home.  She was the first daughter I came out to but no one had officially met me as Susan.  Today that all changed.  They came over and we shared a big lunch together and I got to know them as my true self.  It went so well.  It was slightly different this visit than previous visits.  My daughter, my grand daughter, my wife and I talked together like four girls instead of me chatting all afternoon with the hubby and my grandson.  They were fine with the new paradigm but I'm sure they noticed the difference too.  It will take some time for everyone to get used to the new role I fill within the family.  I'll be going up to their place sometime in June so I may have an update then.

That's all for now,
Susan R🌷

[Lexxi]

Well hey there Susan. So sorry to hear about your stodgy old neighbor. I wouldn't worry too much about her if I were you. You need to focus on all the positive things in your life, and not let someone like her bring you down. However I do greatly respect what you said about not having a problem if your wife remains friends with her. That took a lot of class girl.

Happily your wife is continuing with her rock star ways and backing you up 100%. Hearing that made my heart swell up a little bit. (You can tell her I gave her major props for her decision by the way.)

I was also extremely happy to hear that you had so much fun hanging out with your daughter and her family. That must have taken a lot of weight off your shoulders, knowing that they were able to see the real you. 

You didn't say whether or not your wife was relieved that it went so well, so I'm going to assume that she handled it like a trooper and had a carefree day.

I can't remember if I told you about my therapist situation or not, so I'll give you a quick recap in case I didn't. I discovered that there's only one WPATH recommended therapist in my area. I called her office and spoke with her receptionist. He told me that she wasn't taking new patients right now, but he'd set me up with one of their other clinicians. Once I told him that I wanted to be seen so I could get the HRT letter though, he told me I'd have to see the first therapist who isn't taking new patients.

He told me not to fear though. He gave me her personal email address and told me almost exactly what to say to make her change her mind and add me on as a patient. So I sent off the email and have yet to hear anything back. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll get back with me on Tuesday. If she can't take me, I'll have to drive a couple of hours away to see the next closest therapist who deals with trans women. I'll do whatever I have to do though to move my transition along. 

I'm really glad things are going so well for you!! I love reading your updates so please keep em' coming.

xoxo

Lexxi

[Susan R]

I was also extremely happy to hear that you had so much fun hanging out with your daughter and her family. That must have taken a lot of weight off your shoulders, knowing that they were able toI discovered that there's only one WPATH recommended therapist in my area. I called her office and spoke with her receptionist. He told me that she wasn't taking new patients right now, but he'd set me up with one of their other clinicians. Once I told him that I wanted to be seen so I could get the HRT letter though, he told me I'd have to see the first therapist who isn't taking new patients.

He told me not to fear though. He gave me her personal email address and told me almost exactly what to say to make her change her mind and add me on as a patient. So I sent off the email and have yet to hear anything back. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll get back with me on Tuesday. If she can't take me, I'll have to drive a couple of hours away to see the next closest therapist who deals with trans women. I'll do whatever I have to do though to move my transition along. 

This is great news Lexxi.  I am so happy your able to move forward on this.  Sometimes these things take a little more time than we think they should.  Give it a little more time and I bet you'll hear back from her.  If not, persistence is key.  You've set your mind that this is what you want/need and no amount of red tape or busy schedules can stop you now! 

The therapist I wanted to see for possible couples therapy early on in my transition was closed to new patients  like yours.  I needed this particular one because she would be covered under my healthcare plan and she was, imho, the best 'in network' therapist that dealt mainly with gender related issues.  I was told by my Gender Health doc (my PCP doc too) that the "no new patients" is the default response when new people ask if there is any availability.  My doc says if I want to see her she can get me in with her for sure.  Fortunately, my wife and I worked all the details without her but it's there if we ever decide we need it.

My wife thanks you for your kind comments about her as I do.  You're the best Lexxi.  Keep me updated on how this goes for you too.

Susan R🌷

[Lexxi]

You're both quite welcome Susan, and thank you for the compliment.

I'll let you know probably about 3 minutes after I hear from the therapist. I don't know why, but I feel a certain kinship with you and want to keep you in the loop. It's probably because of all the good discussions we had after my introduction post. Whatever it is I'm happy about it.

I'll talk to you soon,

xoxo

Lexxi