The Joys of Not Passing

[KimOct]

Don't know of any "joy" in not passing, but resignation may apply.
As a giant, I know I'll never ever in a million years be seen as anything but a super tall dude.
Size 16 feet, 5'20"
no I never played basketball, did you play miniature golf?
15 years hrt, still pass awesomely as a guy without anyone ever seeing differently.
If I were to go out dressed to the 9s with makeup on...same.

5' 20"  I like that.

OK well resignation is better than shame.  Also living openly is better than hiding.  Here is the thing about goals of any type.  Even if you only make it part way there it is still better than where you would be if you did not try at all.

Living openly is the most important thing IMO.  If you can do so and find peace that is a good thing.  Joy is icing on the cake.

[warmbody28]

If you dont feel like you pass give it time. We are often our own worst critics, try figuring out if the hair style works for your facial type. And when it comes to clothes get a wardrobe that flatters your body type. also your voice and mannerisms/body posture (I cant stress these enough). and always remember we are here for you

[Lexxi]

Barri,

I know how you feel. I'm 5'16" and weigh 19.6 stone right now. I'm taking steps to drop my weight way down though so at least that's something. My voice is the thing that I think will forever keep me from passing. I sound just about like Sam Elliott. However I'm going to try my best to fit in. My mama told me that as long as you try your hardest at something then you're never going to fail. So ladies like you and I may face a hard road, as long as we try our best we'll be fine.

By the way I thought I was the only person in the world who listed my height that way. When I was in college I confused one of my professors with the 5'16" line...and she was a math teacher. LOLOLOL

Hang in there my friend!!

Lexxi

[KimOct]

Great stories ladies thanks for sharing    I work 2 jobs. One at the racetrack/poker room I mentioned at the start of this thread and also at a large office.  4000 people in the corporate campus and 330 at my company on our floor.

So I am seen by A LOT  of people.  Once in awhile I pass in public during brief interactions ( I can usually tell ) but anyone in my office or the employees at the poker room or any player at my poker table when I am dealing KNOW I am trans.  My voice, my height, my body build and oh yeah my face.

Most people are very nice.  And after a few minutes of interaction they seem to relax and realize I am just another person. 

We sweat this stuff about passing WAY TOO MUCH.  And I can make a case for why passing is not really that great a thing.  I know stealth people are reading this and it is obviously a personal choice for those that can be stealth if they choose to do so.  But as someone that doesn't pass I don't have to worry about what I say or if people will find out.
They know.  And many ask polite and intelligent questions.

Do I wish I was 5'6" with a great figure and beautiful face?  Of course I do.  Most women do.  But the old saying about making lemons into lemonade really holds true regarding not passing.  Is it ideal?  No.  Does it have some benefits?
ABSOLUTELY.

I was going to end this with the previous sentence but as I reached for the mouse to click I remembered something.
The night before last I went out for Margaritas with two women from work a 24 and a 25 year old.  Not too many 58 year old men get to do that    unless they are paying.    and neither do 58 year old women for that matter.

People do like us.  Stop hiding and find out.

[Barri]

Barri,

I know how you feel. I'm 5'16" and weigh 19.6 stone right now. I'm taking steps to drop my weight way down though so at least that's something. My voice is the thing that I think will forever keep me from passing. I sound just about like Sam Elliott. However I'm going to try my best to fit in. My mama told me that as long as you try your hardest at something then you're never going to fail. So ladies like you and I may face a hard road, as long as we try our best we'll be fine.

By the way I thought I was the only person in the world who listed my height that way. When I was in college I confused one of my professors with the 5'16" line...and she was a math teacher. LOLOLOL

Hang in there my friend!!

Lexxi

Lexxi, you look great if the picture is you.
I weigh 260lbs...heaviest ever, have tried changing food intake to lose weight...nothing.
I think it's likely harder with estrogen being the dominant hormone.
Sometimes when people cock their head after hearing I'm 5'20" I modify with "or 4'32" if you prefer"  had doctors, PhDs, and lawyers fail the quiz, mechanics and machinists nearly always get it.
At least at your height you can walk through most doors, I duck even in commercial settings out of habit, 38 years since getting to this level at 17....have the noggin top scars to prove it.
Sam Elliot has an awesome voice btw, mine is more like Sam Walston....but I can sing just like Tennesee Ernie Ford.

[Barri]

5' 20"  I like that.

OK well resignation is better than shame.  Also living openly is better than hiding.  Here is the thing about goals of any type.  Even if you only make it part way there it is still better than where you would be if you did not try at all.

Living openly is the most important thing IMO.  If you can do so and find peace that is a good thing.  Joy is icing on the cake.

Thanks, but I don't live openly in any kind of female guise. I have no shame in who/what I am however, I just see no point in confusing the littles of the world (that's most humans, not meaning kids).
I'm in no way stuck on daily presentation, hence the resignation. I just accept that giants are what those like me will be perceived as regardless the situation. I'm at peace.

[KimOct]

Being at peace is the goal of this journey.  Truly being at peace.  Not saying 'oh well nothing I can do about it"  That is what I said most of my life.  I knew I would never physically be the woman I wanted to be.  Too tall, too built, too masculine of a face.   Etc etc.

Am I totally at peace?  Eh probably not being brutally honest.  I still wish I looked like what I dreamed of.  But I am more at peace than I used to be.  I am no longer hiding my secret and I am absolutely convinced that this journey has made me a better person.  I see the world and other people in different ways than I used to.  Also I have different experiences than I used to.  Some of them are unpleasant.  I was called he by 3 different people this week (far more than in quite awhile ) but of my new experiences there have been far more positive ones than negative ones.

For those that are fearful of this journey because they fear not passing I assure you not passing is really not the terrible thing we fear.  And much of the time it really is fun.  This is from someone that used to be afraid to be seen anywhere.  I never thought this would be fun, but it truly is..... well almost all the time.