Do women have more permission to act happy?

[Jessica_Rose]

When I was growing up back in the dark ages (1960's and 70's), boys were supposed to be tough and not show emotion. Even crying when injured and bleeding was frowned upon. We were supposed to be stoic. Since transitioning, I don't feel as though I need to hide or suppress my emotions anymore, all my emotions have been set free. That freedom to express myself has led to a general state of happiness, like the Cyndi Lauper song -- 'Girls Just Want To Have Fun'! There are occasions in life which of course still make me unhappy or depressed, like when my mom passed away in February, but my default emotion is no longer 'meh'.

In the past I only smiled for photos, and even then it wasn't much of a smile, I never showed my teeth. Once I came out and went full time, everyone began commenting on my smile. 'He' couldn't smile because he wasn't happy, 'she' can smile because her soul is finally free from the darkness.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Rachel]

Hi, I feel I can smile and be much more animated then before. I am a whole lot more happy than before, I am not depressed and I have zero thoughts of suicide. So I am happy, it shows and I express it.

[Moonflower]

In the past I only smiled for photos ... her soul is finally free from the darkness.

Your smile bursts out of your soul and out of your pictures! Hooray for all that enabled you to express it!

[Oldandcreaky]

Jessica Rose, you're doing a great job of breathing life into Susan's again by starting so many threads.

[BlueJaye]

Omg, yes. And sad. And all kinds of emotions. The freedom that women have to express emotions is tremendous compared to what society expects from men.

[Jessica_Rose]

Your smile bursts out of your soul and out of your pictures! Hooray for all that enabled you to express it!

Thanks Moonflower! It's so much easier to smile now. The shame, fear, guilt, and anger which had built up through the years were like heavy chains which kept my soul imprisoned, making it nearly impossible for me to smile. The day I received my prescription for HRT, she became strong enough to break those chains, and for the first time in her life, she was free. Thinking about that day still brings tears of joy.

Love always -- Jess

[Jessica_Rose]

Jessica Rose, you're doing a great job of breathing life into Susan's again by starting so many threads.

Thank you, O&C! Susan, Danielle, Devlyn, and other site staff are working hard to rebuild the internals of the site. I don't have the experience or knowledge to do what they're doing, but I can type (very slowly). Many of the threads were initially started by others, but they were lost in the blip. This site is built on posts, and getting those going again was something I could help with.

Whether you're actively posting or just reading, I want to thank all of you for coming back. This site has saved people's lives, including mine. The community needs Susan's Place, and Susan's Place needs you.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Oldandcreaky]

Danielle, Devlyn, and other site staff are working hard to rebuild the internals of the site.

Well, a big THANKS to them too.




P. S. - I hope Susan, Devlyn, and Danielle aren't scared by the size of my thanks. Yes, it's as big as Godzilla, but it's not Godzilla, unless Godzilla happened to stop at the edge of Tokyo and did a song and dance (with a cane and top hot) thank you for the hard workers of that gleaming city. If Godzilla did that, then my "THANKS" is Godzilla.

[Oldandcreaky]

I was an atypical male, in that I was quick to cry, smile, and laugh, so there's not much difference. I wish I could say that I'm a typical female, being quick to cry, smile, and laugh, but I emote more than other women too. At a comedy play, I'll laugh more than anyone else in the audience. I don't cry for myself; I cry for others and there's plenty of suffering in this world, so I shed a lot of tears, but I can be crying and laughing at the same time. I'm raw emotion.

[ClaireBlooming]

As a male it's exhausting how much I have to police myself when in the company of other straight men.  I was just talking to my therapist yesterday about how emotionally stifling being male can be.  I get so envious of how women can just be emotionally expressive, even with people they don't know well.

[imallie]

I grew up in a house with three older sisters, and then worked in DI college athletics for 20+ years with some pretty incredible women... my point being I don't think there's any way to pigeonhole all "women" in any particular way.

My sisters were and are acerbically witty, loving, and emotional... the athletes were fierce and loyal to each other, and they all experienced joy in equal measure. But I never saw the joy part as gender based.

There may be a societal permission, or at least the perception of it, for some women to be more emotional... but even that is very dependent on circumstances.

[traciknight]

I don't know if women have more permission to be happy. I know that within a week of starting HRT I was looking in the mirror smiling to myself and could actually say to myself I was happy.

What I notice more now is an ability to cry or tear up when I find something especially sweet or poignant or sad, for that matter. And I have to say I love it. I actually feel more alive than when I went through life as an emotionally stunted male.

[ChrissyRyan]

It is better to be happy than to act happy!

I do not think that females or males have some sort of privilege to be happy in public or in private over the other sex.


Chrissy

[Susan]

Dear Jessica Rose,

Your poignant reflection on the evolution of emotional expression across genders reveals much about the harm caused by rigid gender stereotypes. Historically, these stereotypes have significantly constrained the emotional lives of countless individuals.

The 'tough' persona expected of boys and men, particularly emphasized in the 1960s and 70s, is a stark example of how harmful these stereotypes can be. This expectation to suppress emotions like sadness, fear, or joy has deprived many men of the opportunity to fully experience and express their emotional range. This repression can lead to a host of issues, including emotional numbness, difficulty in forming deep relationships, and even mental health challenges.

Similarly, women have faced their own set of restrictive stereotypes. While perhaps granted more freedom to express emotions like sadness, they have often been discouraged from showing anger or assertiveness, perpetuating notions of passivity and submission. This has hindered women's ability to assert themselves in various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional environments.

Your journey, transitioning and embracing a more authentic emotional expression, illustrates the liberating impact of breaking free from these gender norms. Your newfound ability to express happiness and other emotions more freely underscores the deep-rooted impact these stereotypes have had on individuals' emotional well-being.

It's important to recognize and discuss the detrimental effects of gender-based emotional stereotypes. By sharing experiences like yours, we contribute to a broader understanding and, hopefully, a shift towards a society where emotional expression is not confined by gender, but embraced as a fundamental human experience.

Thank you for opening up this vital conversation and for sharing your personal insights.

[Sarah B]

Other than the wanting and longing to be a female prior to surgery, I was happy and tended to make others laugh.  There was of course two things missing, one was the ability to cry (the only time I cried was when my father died, even then it seemed it was forced) and the absence of something missing from my life, I did not know what it was.

Well after starting HRT, I noticed that I was able to cry a lot more easily and by that stage I was going out a lot more with other women and a lot of hugging ensued when when we greeted each other and said goodbye.

I then realized what was missing from my life prior to living my life as a female and that was the physical contact of hugging.

So now these days I have all the traits that I need in my life and they are laughing, crying, hugging, happy, sad and being female, which makes me complete.

Kind regards to one and all
Sarah B

[ChrissyRyan]

It is better to be happy than to act happy!

I do not think that females or males have some sort of privilege to be happy in public or in private over the other sex.


Chrissy

Note that there is a cultural difference between the sexes that condones women to express a broad range of emotions and related physical interactions (such as crying and sometimes hugging) that is not as often given to most males.

However everyone can be happy.  Sometimes guys sometimes are told to "man up" and to not cry (which may result from happiness or sadness for sure) otherwise they may turn into sissies or feminized males.  Too bad for that but that does happen.

Chrissy

[Kay226]

I think a lot depends on the individual. My mother suffered terrible depression. I suffered because of it, but I was able to empathize for her. At a young age, I noticed the patriarchy in my household. My father was not supportive of my mother in the least and neither were my older brothers. I grew to hate patriarchy. I saw men as damaged emotionally. My father used to tell fishing stories to people, every time he told the story, the fish he caught got bigger. As a child, I used to think to myself "that's not what happened, why does my father tell these lies?" As I grew and started reading self help, I came across Robert Bly and he used to run men's groups. I was interested and thought about finding one to attend, but circumstances did not allow at the time. So I saw my mother as a very unhappy woman and my father as someone who had to boast about himself to try to be happy. I have also met women and men who feel happy and express emotions. I do see a side of men, where they fear showing emotions and keep them bottled up. Is that why they die younger than women? Just wondering...

Growing up I struggled with a lot of things. In February 2020, I had an awakening from listening to a guided meditation about self love. Before I thought that I was an occasional crossdresser, but I realized that a transwoman is who I am. After that awakening I feel a joy and lightness that I never felt before.   

[Sarah B]

Hi Kay

Thank you for telling us a little about yourself it's appreciated.

I think a lot depends on the individual. My mother suffered terrible depression. I suffered because of it, but I was able to empathize for her. At a young age, I noticed the patriarchy in my household. My father was not supportive of my mother in the least and neither were my older brothers. I grew to hate patriarchy. I saw men as damaged emotionally. My father used to tell fishing stories to people, every time he told the story, the fish he caught got bigger. As a child, I used to think to myself "that's not what happened, why does my father tell these lies?"

Patriarchy, there was not much of it running in our family, except that mum or me were constantly making my father cups of tea! I kid you not.  He provided for the family, did no housework, but in those times that was typical in our family.

I too saw the worse in patriarchal men, in the way they treated females, abuse them, hit them and the way they used us for their gratification.  I did not want to be like them, I did not like what they did to us and these traits certainly contribute to depression.   I know now why I empathize with women, I was one as well, but I did not know this at the time.

I know that not all men are like this and the two most important men in my life were my grandfather and father.  My mum went to America and got pregnant with me and came back to England.  My grandfather and farther (came into the picture I guess a little latter after mum got back from America) knowing this, accepted this child that was to be born soon.

I loved and respected my grandfather and father for warts and all, on the acceptance of me (before I changed my life around).  I enjoyed helping my grandfather build his house and making him cups of tea and looking back on those times I was just being a subservient female and this was what made me very happy.  Don't get me wrong, I am a very independent women and will not take abuse from any man whatsoever.  However, I love taking care of the men in my lives and this makes me, this female an extremely happy person.

As I grew and started reading self help, I came across Robert Bly and he used to run men's groups. I was interested and thought about finding one to attend, but circumstances did not allow at the time. So I saw my mother as a very unhappy woman and my father as someone who had to boast about himself to try to be happy. I have also met women and men who feel happy and express emotions. I do see a side of men, where they fear showing emotions and keep them bottled up. Is that why they die younger than women? Just wondering...

Men just being men, this just shows that men are not as emotional or caring as women that's not to say all men are like that.  Growing up in those times, men were brought up and taught to be stoic.  These days they are a bit more caring and emotional so times are a changing in a good way.  I still see men abusing and treating women as slaves and as their property.  However, with legislation and awareness now embedded in our culture.  Us women can take action against these men when it occurs.

Growing up I struggled with a lot of things. In February 2020, I had an awakening from listening to a guided meditation about self love. Before I thought that I was an occasional crossdresser, but I realized that a transwoman is who I am. After that awakening I feel a joy and lightness that I never felt before.

I'm always learning and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.  I suppose one of things that remind me to keep learning is this "the more you know, the less you know", this is also makes me happy in  my life.

When I dressed fully or partially, I never thought of myself as a crossdresser or transvestite, although at the time, I knew what the meaning of those two words were.  I dressed because that was the right thing to do, it felt right and most importantly it made me extremely content and happy within in myself.

I'm a women, a female, a girl, and never a 'trans' anything and using those terms make me miserable and despondent, the opposite of being happy.

Keep doing the things that you like, as they will make you happy and contented in your life.  Hope all your dreams come true

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B

[D'Amalie]

Answering the question.

Women haven't the explicit permission to be happy.  Its that most men's exhuberance is expressed more in a boisterous "look at me" manner.  Or dare I say, more gruffly? 

Not that girls can't be that way, but a higher voice and gentler expressions of joy make women's expression seem happier.  Given the same situations. 

Stoicism is a female trait too, not reserved for the male of the species.  Its likely more cultural...I'm apparently rambling now.

[Jessica_Rose]

Answering the question.

Women haven't the explicit permission to be happy.  Its that most men's exhuberance is expressed more in a boisterous "look at me" manner.  Or dare I say, more gruffly? 

Not that girls can't be that way, but a higher voice and gentler expressions of joy make women's expression seem happier.  Given the same situations. 

Stoicism is a female trait too, not reserved for the male of the species.  Its likely more cultural...I'm apparently rambling now.

Ramble all you want to, D'Amalie! It's interesting to see all of the different experiences and viewpoints. Although we have many things in common, it's our differences which help bring us closer together.

Love always -- Jess