Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[imallie]

Had quite the conversation with a friend today. He's probably my closest friend... or at least the one I speak to most often (like almost on a daily basis, if not more).

When I sent the letter the call we had the next morning was incredible, and since then we've been back in our regular routine.

But today, and I think this was probably because we were talking about this weekend and I reminded him that Saturday was "hair day"... he suddenly was a question machine. And it was pretty hilarious.

It started with "Oh yeah... so I have to get used to you with hair soon, huh?" And went on to...
"When are you going to start wearing skirts?" (I replied "when are YOU going to start wearing skirts?" 😂) and when I told him I didn't think skirts would be part of my wardrobe he asked "don't you want to show off your legs?"

He asked about bathroom use in public... he asked what shoes I'm going to wear... I mean, it was 20 minutes of this... Every minute or so he'd say "It's ok that I'm asking all these questions?" And I'd always say "Sure, no problem" and I really meant it... because the questions were really being asked with such love and curiosity.

It's hard to describe. I hope people don't think this conversation was intrusive. And maybe in other relationships it would be. But for me, for us, it was really on brand and it was really the kind of thing that filled my tank for a bit, you know?

Love,
Allie

[Lori Dee]

I never have a problem with questions like that. It is just small talk between friends and they ask because they are interested and truly want to understand. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

[imallie]

I never have a problem with questions like that. It is just small talk between friends and they ask because they are interested and truly want to understand. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

Oh I couldn't agree more. But I do know everyone doesn't feel that way.

And you know what? This just sort of dawned on me. I think back to just a few months ago, to my entire life before letting people know about the real me... I think I very much was less casual about being asked such personal questions.

I don't think people knew it (obviously), but I was always concerned I might inadvertently say something that would show my cards, so to speak. So it was always about what could I say, without really saying everything. And I think it probably led to a lot of flippant, sarcastic and humerous answers... and me using my ability to redirect a conversation away from anything potentially too probing.

The result is that I think I missed out on a level of closeness with people. I do have a number of close friends. But I wonder how much deeper those relationships would have been by now. Just by my friend's 20-questions and my open-book responses ... I think there's a lot to look forward to in the future.

[Oldandcreaky]

Lovely, Allie.

[imallie]

Lovely, Allie.

Thank you. Just honest, I think. I do think that is the kind of stuff I'm most looking forward to in all of this. It's not the trappings of "femininity" -- I mean, who defines that anyway? -- it's the way my relationship to the world at large, and more specifically my little corner of it, will be changed and enriched.

[Lori Dee]

I agree, Allie.

I think it has to do with honesty. Being honest with ourselves helps us be a better person, which improves the world... one person at a time.

[Oldandcreaky]

it's the way my relationship to the world at large

Spot on.

[davina61]

Yes the first time I turned up at hot rod club in a dress threw a few to start with even though they all knew, no problem now and get nice comments from the wives/girl friends as well. Shopping today so jeans and a long flower pattern top, its chill by the freezer section!!!

[imallie]

Nice start to the morning... got an email from the salon confirming my appointment for Saturday, saying they're looking forward to seeing me and that they have a private room reserved for us from 9-11 am!  It's a really trans-friendly place so it's not a concern about the other patrons, but it's just nice to be able to do all this without the distractions of the rest of the salon!

Really, REALLY looking forward to it! Oh and my wife has already made a lunch reservation for us afterwards at a place not too far from the salon that we like... so that's nice too!

So... emboldened by all that, I have decided this morning to take another shot at my personal white whale.

As many of you know, I create healthy recipes that I have used in my weight loss. I try to tweak items that we enjoy and just reduce calories, bump up protein and/or fiber, etc... where possible, without sacrificing taste. I've had some pretty big hits, and some big misses... but normally I can sort things out given a few shots.

Except one.

I've made countless varieties of muffins. And they're really good. But the one I cannot crack is the Pina Colada muffin. Cannot get it to work. Too wet, too dry, no taste, etc etc... a Pina Colada muffin has a very specific taste/texture in my mind, and I can't hit it.

Most muffins, the recipe will say something like "Black Forest Muffin (Ver 4.0)".  The most recent Pina Colada FAILURE says "Pina Colada Muffin (Ver 11.0)."

Well this morning - Ver 12.0 is coming!

Do I think I've cracked it? Hmmmm. I had a really optimistic period around Versions 5-9, but I must admit I got a little down and Versions 10 and 11 were doomed before they started. But I feel optimism welling up again for this one.

The macros look solid (they always do, though)... so it'll just come down to how it bakes and eats.

Will report back at some point.

[imallie]

My wife said "your persistence is inspiring" .... Which is a north east way of saying "bless your heart" 😂❤️

I did remind her that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results... so I guess I prefer her spin on it.

About to go into the oven... 🤞

[davina61]

Is that due to pineapple juice ? I know it can be tricky to cook with, something to do with the acids?

[imallie]

Is that due to pineapple juice ? I know it can be tricky to cook with, something to do with the acids?

Actually, acids are good. You want acids in a bake - it's what the baking powder latches onto to get the rise.

The issue is, or always has, been the ratio of types of pineapple and how it impacts my wet-dry mix.

Normally my wet ingredients are 1/2 c of almond milk, 1/3 c sugar free apple sauce, 1/3 c maple syrup, 1 c non-fat yogurt and two large eggs. I will tweak that depending on whether it's fruit based, chips, dried fruit, etc...

But with something like pineapple? To really get the pineapple flavor I'm trying to replace the applesauce with crushed pineapple... and then still use some chopped pineapple. And it's a tough mix to hit.

The applesauce is a replacement for oil in bakes... and I think trying to get pineapple to stand in for it just isn't done. But if I still use applesauce and then just add some chopped pineapple? It's not "pineapple forward" enough. So IF I can land this... it should be good.

Or that's what I've said ELEVEN times previous. But I messed with the ratios again this time, and the batter does seem correctly dense... so we will see. Been here before. Cannot imagine it'll get much of a rise being so heavy, but that I can live with.

[Maid Marion]

I just bought a fancy bottle of Apple Cider Vinegar.
I have some really old stuff in cheap plastic bottles and decided that no, I wasn't going to cook with that!  I used some wine vinegar instead.

I use boxed Sauvignon Blanc when I want to add acid with a white wine.
Squeezing out the air and storing wine in the refrigerator vastly improves the shelf life if you just want to cook with it.
I've yet to have any go bad.

I use Mirin or Japanese Sake in Teriyaki  sauce but actually isn't as acid as Vinegar or white wine.
Sake is fermented rice without added sweeteners like Aji-Mirin.

[imallie]

I just bought a fancy bottle of Apple Cider Vinegar.
I have some really old stuff in cheap plastic bottles and decided that no, I wasn't going to cook with that!  I used some wine vinegar instead.

I use boxed Sauvignon Blanc when I want to add acid with a white wine.
Squeezing out the air and storing wine in the refrigerator vastly improves the shelf life if you just want to cook with it.
I've yet to have any go bad.

I use Mirin or Japanese Sake in Teriyaki  sauce but actually isn't as acid as Vinegar or white wine.
Sake is fermented rice without added sweeteners like Aji-Mirin.

Oh yeah, mirin is great to cook with!

Apple Cider vinegar too... as is red wine vinegar. I also use both of them in things like slaws. They give that nice tang you're looking for.

[imallie]

Thank all that is holy... the long national nightmare is over. 😂

Seriously, though... these are bangin'. Finally.

Hey, you give me 12 shots at something... I can do a job. Sheesh.

Love,
Allie

P.S.  Some macros. 

Per muffin: 105 calories, 2 g fat, 6 g of protein, 16 g carbs — mainly from the fruit and oats.

Typical pina colada muffin will run 250-400 cal, 10-15 g of fat, 3 g of protein and 30-50 g of carbs, most of them sugar.

[Lori Dee]

Those look SO yummy, Allie.
Good job! I can almost smell them over here.

[imallie]

Those look SO yummy, Allie.
Good job! I can almost smell them over here.

Thanks. I take absolutely no satisfaction in this, I must admit. Well, it's 99% relief and 1% satisfaction. It's very reminiscent of news/sports writing on a nightly deadline. Sometimes it's getting to the finish line you celebrate, less than the finished product.

But they are good. Wish I could share!

[imallie]

Scenes from a trans marriage #4336:

My wife came home this evening and said we needed to have a "fashion show."

An order of some new clothing items had come in... a pair of women's cotton polo shirts (one wintergreen with a gingham collar, the other chicory with a gingham collar), and a pair of khaki high waisted pants.

I really like the polos. In guy mode, polo shirts were my standard spring/summer attire... so making this kind of switch feels great to me.

I've been wearing polos occasionally when the weather allows lately, and one big change is that I used to always wear them with undershirts on beneath them. I guess I used to say it was that I liked the look? But really it was because I was self-conscious of all my body hair.  Well now with that not being the case, I can just wear the shirts by themselves... and it feels nice!

So during the "fashion show" I put on the new shirts and my wife said how nice they looked.

"Are you going to wear anything under it?" She said.

"I don't think so," I said. "I don't have that hair issue anymore so ... I feel like I can just wear shirts as they are."

 "Yeah... well, if it's ever chilly... I think you're at the point where you really need to wear something under the shirts," she said, smiling and pointing at my chest.

"Oh..uh... yeah I didn't really think of that," I said.

So she pulled out the old t-shirts I wore and the sports bras I have and said either one will work... so I grabbed a sports bra, tried it on underneath and she gave me a thumbs up.

Fashion show over. 😘

[imallie]

Another update, and a nice one.

Of the original six friends to whom I sent my letter, I'd spoken to (or extensively communicated with) five of the six. One had texted "If it makes you happy I am 100% for it. Will talk to you later" and I've heard nothing since.

However, this hasn't bothered nor surprised me. He was literally finishing up his latest book (it was due to the publisher two days ago), selling his home, buying a home, and dealing with a very big personal issue... oh on top of his myriad of typical crazy things he does (media appearances, etc).  Just a few days before I'd sent the letter we'd spoken when he called, as he does, for advice on a bunch of things, so I knew what he was dealing with. I knew he'd call when the dust settled.

Well a few minutes ago he texted

Sore
Saro
Sira

To which I replied "Four-letter words that start with S? Do I win?"

He then called, knowing it's my bad time... but said he would make it quick. He was TRYING to text "sorry"...😂. I told him there was no need I knew what he was dealing with but he cut me off and said that doesn't matter and it's no excuse and he feels awful and he will call me first thing in the morning and he's been thinking about me and he's just really sorry he let it get to this point.

Our friendship is unique among my friends. We didn't meet until I was in my 30's. We've probably only been together a couple of dozen times? Back when I was working I would see him once or twice a year... and now it's every other year. But we used to talk daily, and while we now probably only talk monthly... he calls me for advice, had dedicated a book to me... and heck, when he was inducted into a major sports league's hall of fame? It was his wife, his brother and me who were his invited guests.

His wife, whenever she picked up the phone when I called would call out to him and say "pick up the phone... it's your "other" wife...". 😂

So I really really had no doubt where he stood, and no problem that he hadn't called. But I'm awfully glad he did tonight. This is shaping up to be a great week.

[imallie]

Sorry for so many posts... that kind of night, I guess.

No cluster tonight (whoo hoo!) so while I am waiting for the migraine to abate (cluster is what normally breaks it -NOT that I am complaining AT ALL) I was in a good head space to take my pain meds and see if I could crank out the next version of my letter for the next friend group.

I think it's a good draft (will see in the morning when the pain/meds blinders are off), and I also took a whack at the potential list of targets -- the list stands at about 40 folks. The idea being that this will be it -- this is everyone. I think disseminating to this group will, in effect, be spreading the news far and wide.

I do think the list is a bit too large. Could probably lop off 5-10 names easy. And maybe I forgot some as well. Be curious to see my wife's take on that as well in the morning.

'night!

Love,
Allie