Thanks Lori - you know, it strikes me that when we look at this on the macro level, we are often asking the wrong question  - all the things we do, in hopes that we can be treated well ... it's not really about whether or not people are being kind or do they really see us as women?

In reality, we do the things we do so that WE can see ourselves that way. And yes, since we live in a society the impact and opinions of others will always influence that - but this largely needs to be an internal journey.  And I kind of think that's the way we put dysphoria in the rear view mirror.

Easier said than done. But I am starting to at least feel like I see the road ahead a bit.

Quote from: imallie on May 26, 2024, 02:48:04 PMPeople being so nice.. people everywhere not batting and eye and treating us as two ladies. It's nice, but I don't buy it.

I just... it's hard to buy into good things. And not feel you are delusional. I know it really doesn't matter whether people see me or are being nice... either way should be fine.  It's more about ME seeing ME.

I just probably need to give it some time to get there.

The truth is that you generally don't know which it is (being nice vs. "passing").  In the end, I don't think it really matters except for our own ego's sake.  What really matters is that you feel more free.  I imagine that there is a mix in there -- some don't notice or can't tell that you are transgender, and some notice and are supportive.

The only way I have found that REALLY lets me know which is to open up about my transgender status and watch the person's reaction.  It's difficult to hide that half-second of surprise, so I'll know if they REALLY had no idea.  Most of the time, there is little to no reaction, meaning that they AT LEAST suspected.  It doesn't bother me, and it actually gives me a bit more optimism for the future of the transgender community if I'm being treated well here in Texas!!

Quote from: imallie on May 26, 2024, 02:48:04 PMWas able to talk to a friend who has gone through this all pretty recently to make sure my compass was pointed in the right direction and it helped. But I still need to take the journey on my own.

You're welcome!  LOL

I'm glad it helped, and you're absolutely right that this is YOUR journey.  You get to feel the way YOU feel and get over the imposter syndrome at YOUR pace.  It'll happen, though.  I'm positive.

~Sara
 

Quote from: TXSara on Yesterday at 07:27:28 AMThe truth is that you generally don't know which it is (being nice vs. "passing").  In the end, I don't think it really matters except for our own ego's sake.  What really matters is that you feel more free.  I imagine that there is a mix in there -- some don't notice or can't tell that you are transgender, and some notice and are supportive.

The only way I have found that REALLY lets me know which is to open up about my transgender status and watch the person's reaction.  It's difficult to hide that half-second of surprise, so I'll know if they REALLY had no idea.  Most of the time, there is little to no reaction, meaning that they AT LEAST suspected.  It doesn't bother me, and it actually gives me a bit more optimism for the future of the transgender community if I'm being treated well here in Texas!!

You're welcome!  LOL

I'm glad it helped, and you're absolutely right that this is YOUR journey.  You get to feel the way YOU feel and get over the imposter syndrome at YOUR pace.  It'll happen, though.  I'm positive.

~Sara
 

Yes, thanks so much Sara - when I said "a friend" I didn't want to be a name-dropper just to look cool. I mean, "you know... I talked to Sara about this..." IS the Susan's equivalent of a mic drop as far as I'm concerned. 😘😉

And I 100% agree with all you said. Does not matter one bit what other people think.

However... you've actually seen me with my new hair and a few new outfits.. and I look great .... Ammmirite? Right!? Sara? Hello? *taps* Is this still on?
*sighs*

😂

There are two things working to your advantage, Allie, and they're both age-related.

Number one, you're old enough to be invisible.

Number two, many old women are gender ambiguous. For this reason, many strongly signal their gender with lipstick, jewelry, etc., but without those markers, they could pass as old men because their estrogen production has dropped, pulling them into androgyny. So, humanity is accustomed to seeing androgynous old women, many with deeper voices too, as time does that too.

So ... for those playing the home game, you may remember my naive friend I mentioned the other day. About whom I was worried and had not responded.  Emphasis on "had."  WARNING following cut and paste may interact directly with your "feels". Before placing undo stress on your feels, please contact your doctor:

——

Thanks for letting me know and having me on the list of important people that means a lot.

 I am sure it is amazing to finally be able to tell everyone and yes a letter is definitely the best so you can say exactly what you what.

 I would add one word to one of the sentences you are the same awesome person you have always been.

You are probably getting requests left and right to meet up and see how you are doing definitely put me on the list let me know when you are free

Pitch perfect response.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Yesterday at 11:18:30 AMPitch perfect response.

Yes, indeed. And more evidence of what I now firmly believe: until they prove otherwise, you should really expect people to act and respond very much in keeping with their essential character. If you're telling them that you are the person they've always known, you need to give them that same benefit of the doubt.

Yup.

Hit me right in the feels.
So happy!

As I was starting to type this I sneezed... and from across the house my wife said "bless you... not good!" Referring to the fact that I've been working on a much more "delicate" sneeze. This weekend I'm 2-for-4, which isn't bad.  But now she says "good one!" Before "bless you".  Trans life is weird... 😂

Ok, back to why I was posting...

So just thought I'd sum up this weekend, as I sit here now at the tail end of it.

This weekend I/we accomplished the following (and to save retyping it each time, all of the events listed were done fully dressed: hair and clothing):

Bought (well, ordered) new unmistakable feminine glasses and sunglasses at Lens Crafters

Shopped at Macy's, Marshall's, and TJ MAXX ... and probably came out of those three trips with about 20 new items — and 100% settled on something that will be my "style"... at least initially.

Ate out at two of our typical local restaurants without really thinking anything of it.

In addition to the items purchased in person, another 5-10 items came in the mail, including:

A set of clip on earrings, some clasp bras (those are coming tomorrow, actually), a new rain jacket, and a couple of pairs of casual, comfortable shoes my wife feels like will work for short walks on vacation to restaurants for dinners. But not for long day-long site seeing.

I also came out to 11 more friends, and have received wonderful supportive feedback from 8-of-11 at this point. It's a holiday weekend so I'm assuming that's the delay on hearing from others but obviously who knows.

And lastly, this evening, we just booked our follow up at the hair salon for July 6... with the intention of having my hair topper "attached" that day. Meaning that will be the day I go full-time.  We made that call like turning on a light switch. Really not much thought went into it, other than when there was a free day on our calendar and when we could slot into this incredibly busy salon.

Now, what didn't we do?

Went to dinner at our favorite restaurant last night, but in guy mode.

Same when we met our son for dinner on Saturday night, guy mode with that too.

Same thing with grocery shopping this morning. We typically get up, go for a walk and then go the store first thing on a weekend. So that wasn't conducive to putting on my hair... so I didn't.

I mean, there was logic behind each of the above reasons we were in guy mode, but nevertheless... just sharing this in the interest of full disclosure.

Tomorrow, I'm meeting my old boss for coffee in the morning. No one had him as the first friend I'd be meeting after coming out on their bingo card, but that's what's happening.

Will absolutely go in guy mode, mostly because I think it's nicer. I'll be happy to show him pics... and if probably let him know that next time I won't be... but my intention is to make people comfortable, and that seems the way.

Anyway... that was the weekend.

Love,
Allie

Thanks for the summary, Allie.

LoriDee, you remind me a bit of ChrissyRyan. You are broadly and consistently kind like she is.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Yesterday at 08:56:05 PMThanks for the summary, Allie.

LoriDee, you remind me a bit of ChrissyRyan. You are broadly and consistently kind like she is.

Oh she very much is. She's a virtual shot of sunshine. And it's really an act of generosity and kind spirit.

As for my summary? In a lot of ways I do things like that as a way to practice self-gratitude. It's hard for me to say/think nice things about myself... but I think if I take the time to put pen to paper (ok, finger to keyboard)... it forces me to confront what was a few days of real progress. In addition, when the inevitable bumps in the road come, it's nice to have a record handy to be able to review so as to see that I am capable to making real progress.

In short, it's a way for me to be able to keep myself in check a bit.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Yesterday at 08:56:05 PMLoriDee, you remind me a bit of ChrissyRyan. You are broadly and consistently kind like she is.

Thanks @Oldandcreaky. That is a wonderful compliment.
 

Sounds like you are are on your way to a full time of happiness. Soon it will feel wrong to go out in male mode. Great progress report.
Hugs Gina

I am very happy for you and glad to see things swimming along so well. Do remember there are two kinds of clip on earrings - the kind that hurt and the kind that fall off. Choose wisely.


Jenn