Today was sort of a big day. I met up with my electrologist and her young daughter at Victoria's Secret. As I mentioned in a previous post, I'd not yet been properly fitted for a bra and my electrologist recently got implants, so we were both keen to go. It was a little intimidating, being in a strongly female-coded space, but I'm sure they have trans customers.
My default position is that everyone can always read me as trans. Until I have evidence to the contrary, that's where my mind will go. In any case, the employee who worked with us was very professional. For those who haven't had this done, here's what happens:
She used a tape measure to check my measurements through my clothes. I wore a tank top and a comfortable bra without any padding. She asked what I was looking for and came back with a few bras for me to try on. Once I had one on, I summoned her via a tablet that's in the room and she came in and checked the fit. I did the same for the second bra. There was a "buy 2 get one free" promotion happening, so I bought a lacy balconette and two push-up bras (all three were pushups, actually). I was quite surprised at how much lifting and pushing the bras were doing, but I've only been wearing bras for a couple of years so I had to trust the process. Pretty much all of the bras I already have are comfortable and practical, so I was happy to buy something more playful.
It felt great to be in a traditionally women's space, being attended to by another woman. Very affirming.
My size is 36D. Funny because this is the size bra I wore to the fitting. I've been slowly working to figure out my size, trying different bras, so it appears I hit the nail on the head!
I told my wife what my size was and she was very surprised. I don't know how on earth I grew this big at this age. I consider myself blessed. We both knew that my breasts are large, but this was some cold, hard data to substantiate that.
If I'm honest, my time in the store feels like a blur. With lots of cis female customers there with me, I felt nervous and a little guilty. I half expected to get home and find that I bought something completely different from what I thought I did. The purpose of the trip wasn't really to buy bras, though; it was to get through this truly female experience and strengthen my resolve to put myself in new situations such as this one.
We had some mall food in the food court afterwards. After we parted ways, my electrologist sent some wonderful words of encouragement via text. She mostly made this trip to support me. I'm grateful for that. She's a lovely human being.
For me, this is a long road, much of which is documented in this blog. I'm not "transing" the same way other people are, but I'm doing the best I can. I'm crawling forward, but at least I'm moving. When I feel I've not done enough, I remind myself that I've done so much after decades of not doing anything. I might not have ever stepped off the curb, but I did.
Of course, my sense of pride about my body and my continuing adventures as a female-presenting person have me wishing that the hairs were completely gone from my face and that the second surgery was tomorrow. On the other hand, I'd really have to make some decisions then, wouldn't I?
