Healing progresses, with a few bumps in the road. I've had a sore throat since surgery - not fun! My surgeon's office said it's "not due to the surgery" and that I should see my GP. I'd had a theory that it was ongoing irritation from drainage down the back of my throat from the nasal bone area. They cut and reconstructed that area, so it would stand to reason that there would be stuff in there - that stuff is very destructive to the mucus that resides in the throat and the constant dribble has resulted in some serious irritation.
My theory might have been proven correct, as while getting ready for Keystone and while driving there I expelled two large chunks of oldish "organic material" which had been residing up in my sinuses, and my throat, while sore, feels different, a little better. I'm hoping it continues to improve.
The second issue is that I have a painful lump in one of my armpits. Some Googling reveals that it's likely a swollen lymph node, probably from trying to process post-surgical drainage from my head. It burns sometimes when I put my arm at my side. When I put my arm behind me, I get shooting pain and pins and needles all the way to my palm on that side. It seems to be improving a little.
The third issue is that I have a lot of irritation in my right eye, like there's some sort of sore or abrasion. It hurts most at the end of the day and I wake up with my eye slightly glued shut.
I was able to see my doctor today, and she came up with the following:
1. She agrees with me regarding my throat. She suggests I continue sucking on lozenges and see if it continues to improve.
2. While she thinks the armpit issue could be from drainage, she also thinks I may have endured some nerve injury while splayed out on the operating table for 5 hours. She used to be a surgical nurse and she pointed out that it's a strong possibility
3. She prescribed something for my eye issue
On to better stuff:
In about two weeks, the following happens:
1. I will be finished with 2x/day injections of the blood thinner (yay)
2. I will resume electrolysis on my face (also yay)
3. I'll see my surgeon for analysis and second surgery phase planning (totally yay)
While at the hospital yesterday for my doctor visit and while waiting in a common area for my blood draw, an employee came out and called "<deadname>". I wasn't looking forward to that but haven't yet called to try to make arrangements to have my name changed. I stoop up sheepishly and walked toward the person and an older woman who was seated said to me "She said '<deadname>'." She assumed that I misheard because the employee obviously called out a male name. So yeah, I guess I passed again, with no makeup and with my breasts mostly hidden. I could get used to this.
Some days, I look in the mirror and when the lighting isn't kind, I think "I don't look female enough, don't look the way I'd hoped to." Then I see someone who hasn't seen me for a while (like a friend I saw on Sunday or my doctor yesterday) and they gush about how different I look. And while it's obviously not all upside, my self-perception and the way others are reacting to me has given me a confidence I've never had. I ran my errands yesterday with purple-painted fingernails and a proper women's top beneath my hoodie, with earrings gleaming. My women's jeans were tight and flattering. Even though I wasn't trying to present as a woman, I felt like one. Yes, there's a bit of a feeling of being a spectacle; a man trying to pass as a woman (I think that feeling is pretty common for trans people), but I'm less apologetic about it. I'm more confident, less fearful. This is what I was hoping for. It's the gift that FFS has given to me. It's a long road from here because I still lack the confidence that others have in their appearance, but I'm more willing than ever to try to be out in the world as myself.
