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Bad jokes and puns

Started by davina61, January 10, 2024, 04:21:02 AM

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ChrissyRyan

#320
May 03, 2026, 05:06:43 PM
What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

Do these genes make me look fat?
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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ChrissyRyan

#321
May 03, 2026, 05:09:56 PM
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you would be in Seine.

Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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ChrissyRyan

#322
May 03, 2026, 05:11:40 PM
I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.


That is because all it was doing was gathering dust!
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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Lori Dee ✅

#323
May 03, 2026, 05:13:01 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 03, 2026, 05:11:40 PMI finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.


That is because all it was doing was gathering dust!


That sucks!
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete - Started Electrolysis!
An ancient prayer:
"King Zeus, grant us the good things, whether we pray for them or not, and keep from us the bad things, even if we pray for them."
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ChrissyRyan

#324
May 03, 2026, 05:17:43 PM
A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Dry?"   ("Drei")


The German replies, "Nein, just one."
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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ChrissyRyan

#325
May 03, 2026, 09:18:27 PM
What did the shark say when it ate the clown fish?


Tastes funny.
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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ChrissyRyan

#326
May 03, 2026, 09:19:25 PM
What did the cannibals say when they ate the comedians?


Tastes funny.
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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ChrissyRyan

#327
May 03, 2026, 09:22:35 PM
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they will never meet.
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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ChrissyRyan

#328
May 03, 2026, 09:23:24 PM
I would tell you a construction joke... but I am still working on it.
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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Lori Dee ✅

#329
May 03, 2026, 11:01:28 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 03, 2026, 09:23:24 PMI would tell you a construction joke... but I am still working on it.

I am certain the structure will be good, but the foundation is shaky.
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete - Started Electrolysis!
An ancient prayer:
"King Zeus, grant us the good things, whether we pray for them or not, and keep from us the bad things, even if we pray for them."
HELP US HELP YOU!
Please consider becoming a Subscriber.
Donations accepted at: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/SusanElizabethLarson 🔗
  • skype:.?call
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davina61

#330
May 04, 2026, 03:12:18 AM
Why did the jelly fish run away, because it was spineless.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
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ChrissyRyan

#331
August 15, 2026, 05:18:31 AM
What do you call a toothless bear?






A gummy bear.
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

ChrissyRyan

#332
Yesterday at 12:05:39 PM
Would traditional pork belly bacon originating in Canada be Canadian bacon?

Something to ponder on.

Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

Lori Dee ✅

#333
Yesterday at 12:59:55 PM
What do you call a place that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole Foods.
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete - Started Electrolysis!
An ancient prayer:
"King Zeus, grant us the good things, whether we pray for them or not, and keep from us the bad things, even if we pray for them."
HELP US HELP YOU!
Please consider becoming a Subscriber.
Donations accepted at: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/SusanElizabethLarson 🔗
  • skype:.?call
  •  

Emily LeGoth

#334
Yesterday at 10:03:49 PM
Quote from: Jessica_K on April 14, 2024, 12:27:47 PMWhat is your job? "I'm a real estate agent" Wow, are there imaginary ones?

Yes, if you multiply a real estate agent by the square root of -1.
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Emily LeGoth

#335
Yesterday at 10:09:37 PM
Quote from: Lori Dee on November 23, 2024, 11:30:00 PMLittle Willy found a mirror
And licked the mercury off,
Thinking that his childish error
Would cure the Whooping Cough.
At his funeral, Mrs. Smith
Said smartly to Mrs. Brown,
"'Twas a chilly day for Willy
When the mercury went down."


Wasn't this Ogden Nash? I seem to remember it from a book of poems for children, from my childhood.
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Emily LeGoth

#336
Yesterday at 10:13:22 PM
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 31, 2024, 04:45:47 PMWhy are chemists great at solving problems?

Because they have all of the solutions!



And remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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Emily LeGoth

#337
Yesterday at 10:26:11 PM
Friend of mine got a job as a chef at an Indian restaurant.

The recipe for their flatbread was a closely guarded family secret.

He had to sign a naan disclosure agreement.
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Emily LeGoth

#338
Yesterday at 10:27:49 PM
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo," and leaves.
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