Welcome back!
Navigating your identity and presentation, especially in new or large group settings like your therapy group, can indeed be daunting. It's understandable that using a woman's name as an alias in a large group might feel intimidating when you're not fully comfortable with your presentation yet.
Your approach to using an alias online, a common practice for maintaining privacy and exploring identity, seems to have served you well in certain contexts. However, the transition to being more 'real' in a therapy group, especially when discussing sensitive topics, is a significant step. It's a balance between maintaining privacy and being authentic, which can be complex.
Using a profile picture and an alias that's closer to your actual name sounds like a practical solution. It allows you to maintain some level of privacy while also reducing the feeling of hiding. This could indeed help in feeling more authentic and less like you're leading a double life.
As for your concerns about privacy and people being interested in your private life, it's a valid concern, but often people are less focused on others than we might think. Your comfort and safety are paramount, so moving at a pace that feels right for you is important.
Regarding the necessity of hiding in certain parts of the U.S., it's a harsh reality for many. Each person's situation is unique, and what feels safe and right for one might not be the same for another. Ultimately, the decision to be open or to hide aspects of your identity is deeply personal and should be guided by your comfort and safety.
In all, it sounds like you're thoughtfully navigating these complexities and finding ways to be more authentic in a way that respects your need for privacy and safety. Trust your instincts, and remember, it's okay to take small steps. Your journey is yours alone, and you deserve to explore it at your own pace.
