Sarah's Race to SRS Part II know that everyone who has been interested in the story of Sarah so far and how she accomplished, managed and survived during the period beginning of 1973 to the end of 1988. Which I covered in my story 'Awakening'. In Sarah's race to SRS I will cover the period of late 1986 to the end of 1991. Although I have already covered the years basically from late 1986 to late 1988 in 'Awakening', I will include them with slight changes to clarify what happened and in more depth. So without further ado I will continue my personal journey with you.
Things started to change dramatically during the years 1986 and 1988, not that I can remember any think specific, but two major turning points, or events occurred. The first was, I went on holidays at the end of 1986 near Christmas time, the reason being I could maximize the time I was away from work. So I traveled across and down the east coast of Australia to a city called Brisbane where my uncle and his wife lived nearby, who both knew that I liked to dress as a female.
It must be emphasized that I never considered that I was cross dressing and to this day, some 36 years later, my memories, of that time I did not think I was a cross dresser or that it crossed my mind at the time. Anyway along the way I pulled into a lovely place called Mataranka Hot Springs, this was a rest stop and I guess without thinking, Sarah was going to emerge and to start living the life that was denied her since her birth.
I sat in one of the thermal pools and one of the things that was problematic, I believe I still had a moustache at the time and to be able to pass it had to go. I took my time and eventually it was time to move on. I do not know as my memories of this time cannot recollect what happened next, but it was given that Sarah finally presented herself for the first time in public. Yeah I know, unbelievable.
I do not know if she wore any makeup or not, she got dressed properly and I believe it was a blouse and skirt at the time, it does not matter, finally Sarah was free for the first time in her life. There was no celebration or jumping for joy, she calmly got into her car and drove off listening to John Denver, Olivia Newton John and Flashdance and I took my bloody time. Well actually it only lasted a couple of days. Satisfaction guaranteed? Absolutely, I was in my element, although a bit nervous, but who wouldn't?
At the time Sarah had no concept of passing, however along the trip petrol (gas) stations were approximately 300km apart from each other, eventually one needed to get petrol and Sarah kept putting the inevitable task of getting fuel so she could continue her journey. What kept her from getting the fuel she need for a 4 wheel drive (Toyota Hilux 2 door)?
She thought as all of us do at some stage when presenting oneself that one will not pass, she was so nervous and scared of what would happen. Finally she pulled in to a gas station and filled the petrol tank and obviously paid for the fuel and carried on with her journey. Hello, nothing happened Sarah!
There is one story, I do not know if it occurred on this trip or the next one that happened the following year, it does not matter it occurred and it reflects on ones ability to pass. I pulled into a petrol station and I got out of the car and a gentleman approached me and asked if he could fill my petrol tank, this was not an attendant of the petrol station, but another fellow traveler, I was taken aback when I was asked this. I cannot remember what happened next and as far as I know I never gave this incident another thought!
The following year, I went on holidays again at the end of 1987 near Christmas time. I had plenty of time up my sleeve and again I traveled across Australia to my uncle and aunt who lived near Brisbane. Sarah was free for the second time in her life and this time around she was more than prepared to say the least, before I was always in a rush to get from one place to another, this time around I took my time.
This holiday was a repeat of last years holiday. However, with a big difference, I spent several nights in the local YWCA hotel in a city called Townsville, during the day I went sight seeing and one of these was the beach promenade called The Strand, another was a day trip out to a place called Magnetic Island and the final thing I did was to go to a wildlife sanctuary called the Billabong Sanctuary, where I finally saw Australian wildlife that I had never seen before in the 20 years that I had been in Australia.
In the evenings I ate at the local restaurant except for the last night which I had a simple snack because I was going to watch a movie, because across from where I was staying and looking out the window there was a twin cinema complex and it was showing two movies one was called 'Alvin Purple' and the other was called 'Victor Victoria'.
I did not know which one to watch, the deciding factor after some thought relied on the stars of a particular movie and those stars were Julie Andrews and James Garner and any movie with those stars in it was sure to be a winner.
Well if any of you have seen Victor Victoria you know it was hilarious and with Julie Andrews pretending to be a man, well what more can I say. I certainly picked the best movie that night. To this day I have never seen Alvin Purple. It did not occur to me the significance of what I watched and how it related to me. It was so ironic that I look back on that moment in time and understood the similarities.
I cannot remember what I wore, suffice to say it was summer clothes, because Townsville is very humid during that time of the year. In addition I cannot remember if I wore any makeup or not, I do know that my hair was usually in a plait, mainly to keep cool and I could put it into a bun if needed be. Doing a french braid is a nice hair style and I like it very much, but it takes time to do. Sarah was having the time of her life. I could not get enough of this life. So with a heavy heart and a sigh, Sarah continued on to Brisbane.
Of course there is a funny story while I was in Townsville and I remember it so vividly as if it was yesterday. I was getting dressed in the morning, I had my bra on with the sponge inserts and I had a pair of pants on and in addition to those pair of pants I had put on a girdle which was a size 10.
Yes you guessed it, this was to hide what was down below, I had no skirt or jeans on at the moment let alone a blouse. When all of a sudden a house maid walked into my room, I was startled a little, but the apologies coming from the maid, saying I'm so sorry sweet heart and I of course I'm lost for words and maybe I said its all right or something similar. I never thought twice about the situation that had just occurred, I was semi naked and I thought what can she see? This has been one of the most funny and very fond memories that I have and of course it brings a smile to my face every time I think of it.
One thing that stands out like a sore thumb, when it came time to return where I lived after visiting my aunt and uncle in Brisbane, Sarah was nowhere to be seen, I'm flummoxed by this oddity and I have no idea to this present day in time. It does not matter anymore as Sarah was going to surface in a way that still stuns even me to this day.
Something that was not apparent to me in my two holidays that occurred in 1986 and 1987 and I have only realized it, while writing this story, I was certainly nervous when interacting with others on my first holiday more so, however on my second holiday, I cannot for the life of me recall being nervous at all and of course at the time I was passing without realizing it. The question remains as to why? The only possible reasons are I was dressed appropriately a little makeup, hair in a plait and being confident in just being me. Even I'm still amazed at what I did at the time.
I know I was sensitive to a certain degree, thinking can anybody read me, there was only one such instance that I can recall where I saw another young lady was looking at me. I had just been to the toilet and was washing my hands, when I noticed this young lady was looking at me and I thought, is she aware of what I was? It did not matter, I finished what I was doing and left.
During 1988, everything in a sense got turned upside down, the only major incident that occurred during that year that was note worthy was that I won an Australian gold medal in water life saving and a bronze medal for overall championship, yes a wonderful time in my life, but my antics caused me to be known more wildly around town, by being mentioned in the local news paper. If that wasn't bad enough I had my mum also being mentioned in the paper as well, long story short, in 1985 she raised money A$18,500 for a disability group, the competition was the Mrs Australia contest, and coming 4th overall. Yeah, too well known we were.
However Sarah wanted to be free again, the enjoyment she had from those two holidays was beyond anything she had ever encountered in her entire life. The persistent thoughts of wanting and longing to be a female were not going away. I knew I had long service coming up because I had worked for the government for more than 10 years and that gave me extra holiday time and of course I could use that to my advantage.
I loved my life, I was happy, content and spent time with family and friends. Sometime during 1988, several thoughts crossed my mind and they solidified into the turning point of my life and those thoughts are listed below
- However, as you know, my well kept secret was growing stronger and stronger in my mind, that I wanted or longed to be a female and in addition, I was doing more female things. So, this was my Conundrum #1.
- One of my closest friends from swimming who I spent a lot of time with, in swimming training, shooting, watched a couple of movies together, camping before a swimming meet and we spent time in each other's house. He eventually, got a girlfriend, a fellow swimmer who also spent time with us. Deep inside of me I was not happy and I wondered why? Well, eventually the proverbial penny dropped. I realized that I loved a man (no I was not gay) and I could not do anything about, it tore my heart to pieces. So, this was my Conundrum #2.
- I was speaking with my uncle and as far as I can remember it revolved around me wanting to be female (long story short) and he said to me, "you need to go and live as a female" or "you should try and live as a female". So, this was my Conundrum #3.
- I was pretty well known in the wider community because of swimming and every so often I was in the newspaper and to top it off my mum was also known in the wider community and newspaper articles were written about her too. So, this was my Conundrum #4.
- Given that I'm very private, quiet and shy person, I most certainly did not want anybody to know about my most personal, private and thoughts about my condition. So, this was my Conundrum #5.
- I read in a playboy or penthouse magazine an article that was several pages long and at the start of the article there was an outline of a man and several images later 'all outlines' the man changed into a female. This was a major source of my knowledge in regards to my issue. So this was my Information #1.
With those five conundrums and one piece of information and when they are all put together, the moment of revelation, the penny dropped or as I want to say now, My Epiphany and what was that? I wanted to live the rest of my life as a female and that meant going away, so that I could achieve, which I knew in my heart would give me the peace of mind that I needed and wanted.
My uncle who said, "I should go and live my life as a female" and eventually my 'epiphany' occurring certainly steered my thoughts in the right direction on what I should do with my future. So finally I decided to take a long extended service leave from the government, I planned to maximize the time I could live as Sarah and that amount of time available to me was approximately one year.
All my friends and family, only knew that I was going to university, although that did not happen at the time, but going to university did come later. I did not want my friends, my family and the wider community to know what I was going to do. Why? For several reasons, one I did not want them to know about my personal problem because I was a private, shy and quiet person, the second reason, I was very well known where I came from and the third reason and final nail in the coffin, I had feelings for a particular boy, that cut me deeply to core of my being and I could not do anything about it given the circumstances about me, if that makes sense.
I left because I did not want to hurt the people around me, I did not want them to know what I was doing, I did not want them to suffer any ramifications of what I going to do and most importantly and selfishly I left because, I was prepared to sacrifice all ties from friends and family at the cost of not ever seeing them ever again, so that I could live my life as a female even though it could hurt them no end, not knowing that I had gone from their lives.
So early in February 1989, in Brisbane near where my aunt and uncle lived, I was in a motel and during the day I had my ears pierced for the first time and both at the same time. In the evening my aunt came to see me off.
After she left, I cried my heart out, because I was leaving my family and friends, I cried because what I was going to do resonated so deeply within me, not that I knew what was going to happen and I cried I suppose because I was a female! Sarah did not even know at that time, that she was never ever going to come back to where she lived ever and nobody else knew including my uncle and aunt. I was never ever going to go back to my old way of life.
In the morning I dressed casually, little makeup on and my hair in a braid, I got into my car and I left my family and friends behind. I did not look back in the rear view mirror so to speak. Sarah was finally free forever and fully awake. She had no plans whatsoever, this from someone who thought that once they had a permanent job they were set up for life, talk about throwing caution to the wind and to an uncertain future, even to this day, I still do not know how I was able to go down this path.
Best Wishes and HugsSarah B
