Nice to meet everyone

[Lilis]

Hi everyone, I'm Lilith or Lilis, and I'm thrilled to join this community! I'm a transwomen, but for as long as I can remember, there hasn't been one neat label that's felt quite right for our gender identity.  I say "our" because I share my body with a man, and we have walked a really exciting journey together  for many years. In this one body we both flow and change intermittently depending  on who is present, the changes and flow could be daily and (or) sometimes weekly, and just recently, the term 'gender fluid' has really resonated with us.

It's has been a very challenging journey ever since puberty our body went through some changes, and developed some curvy feminine features those similar to cis-gender girls, and nothing like the other cis-gender boys. I think this was when I was discovered but I was ignore for many years after that. This new body brought a lot of confusion and embarrassment, the boys locker rooms was a nightmare to change clothes without being teased or stare at by other boys, also shirtless activities such as the beach and at the pool were also humiliating when people would stare and say hurtful things. We learned from the medical professionals a little bit of what was happening and they called it gynecomastia, and something about a hormone imbalance. Our father wasn't to happy about the news and wanted to get this fixed asap with surgery or with what ever means were available at the time. But mother convinced him to wait and see if it would go away after puberty. Luckily for me it never went away so we have been together ever since right into adulthood. During this time I would be suppressed, or ignored most of the time and not allowed to exist, but I was a constant reminder every time shirts came off in public and private body inspections.

Finally at around the age of 30 years old something changed. When our cis-gender girlfriend at the time was at work and we were both home alone we experimented with her clothes, wigs, makeup, and everything in her wardrobe. I think this was the turning point in the acceptance of me. Finally I was acknowledged and today we're both happy with each other, we live alone and like I said at the beginning of my post we share the same body intermittently depending who is present. Sometimes it's all me the other times it's all him, back and forth we go.

We joined this community because exploring the feminine side of us has been both exciting and confusing at times. This forum feels like a welcoming space where we can connect with others who understand the complexities of our gender identity. Also we are considering hrt feminization therapy as discussed with our therapist.

Oh, don't worry about him. It's not likely he will join the forum he is into other things that cis-gender men and transgender men enjoy. I can assure you every time that you see me post here it's because Lilith aka Lilis is present.

Again, I am happy to be here and thanks for having me.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
I have noticed that you have just registered today as a new member and
this is your very first posting.
All of us on the Forum are very glad that you found us and that you are now here.

Here on the Forum we have members coming from all backgrounds and with a variety of experiences.

I am wishing you a Warm Welcome to Susan's Place!

I look forward to your involvement on the Forum and reading your
future postings, comments and thoughts.

Please review the LINKS at the end of this message, they include information which will help you to navigate
the site and use the available features. Look especially at the LINKS in RED...
...there are answers to questions that most new members ask.

If after carefully reading all of the information in my mwessage and in the LINKS below, and
you still have more questions regarding how the Forum works, you can contact me
via my private Email that is shown immediatly following my name below:

Once you reach 15 posts you will be able to send and reply to Forum private messages, also
you will then be able to upload and post your Avatar profile picture.

I will now let you get back to this posted topic... there should be some
additional like-minded members coming along to greet you and to help answer any questions
that you may have.

Warmest Regards,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]  E-Mail: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
The Forum Administrator

Helpful links to information that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By

Standard Terms & Definitions

Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)

Cautionary Note

News posting & quoting guidelines

Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Membership Agreement

            cc: @Sarah B
                  @LoriDee

[Maid Marion]

Hi Lilith,

Welcome!

I also don't fit neatly into the usual gender binary.

Even when I grew a full beard I'd often "male fail" when socializing  in public.
Once I learned to properly modulate my voice I'd drive the telemarketers crazy because I didn't sound like the gender they were expecting!

I still go by my assigned name at birth so there can be confusion when ordering takeout
but I live where people are very accepting. 

Marion

[ChrissyRyan]

Welcome Lilis!

Chrissy

[Sarah B]

Hello Lilis

My name is Sarah B   and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

You mentioned in your first posts:

Hi everyone, I'm Lilith or Lilis, and I'm thrilled to join this community! I'm a transwomen, but for as long as I can remember, there hasn't been one neat label that's felt quite right for our gender identity.  I say "our" because I share my body with a man, and we have walked a really exciting journey together  for many years. In this one body we both flow and change intermittently depending  on who is present, the changes and flow could be daily and (or) sometimes weekly, and just recently, the term 'gender fluid' has really resonated with us.

I looked up your name Lilith and the meaning, a very unusual and unique name,  what intrigues me is why did you choose such a name?  You don't have to say the reasons why.

We are all different in how we perceive ourselves.  I have always been female.  I could never walk in two shoes.  You are not the only one here on Susan's that is either gender fluid or binary.  If you are happy with who you are, then that is the most important thing in the whole world. 

It's has been a very challenging journey ever since puberty our body went through some changes, and developed some curvy feminine features those similar to cis-gender girls, and nothing like the other cis-gender boys. I think this was when I was discovered but I was ignore for many years after that. This new body brought a lot of confusion and embarrassment, the boys locker rooms was a nightmare to change clothes without being teased or stare at by other boys, also shirtless activities such as the beach and at the pool were also humiliating when people would stare and say hurtful things.

Given the description you have provided above, I would suggest if it is possible take a chromosome test as it could provide more information about why your body went through those puberty changes.  Other than hormonal imbalance.

It's sad that you had to endure being teased and stared at.  No one should ever have to be treated differently from others. 

We learned from the medical professionals a little bit of what was happening and they called it gynecomastia, and something about a hormone imbalance. Our father wasn't to happy about the news and wanted to get this fixed asap with surgery or with what ever means were available at the time. But mother convinced him to wait and see if it would go away after puberty. Luckily for me it never went away so we have been together ever since right into adulthood. During this time I would be suppressed, or ignored most of the time and not allowed to exist, but I was a constant reminder every time shirts came off in public and private body inspections.

It's good to hear that such drastic measures did not occur in your life.  Those feelings are always present and keep resurfacing until something is done about them.

Take me for example, the only feelings, I suppose if I was brutally honest occurred over a period of time from 1980 to 1989, my longing and wanting to be a female was growing stronger, however it did not affect me per se. It did not worry me that I was thinking about it. So I left family and friends in 1989, so that I could live my life as a female.  I still had those feelings when I was younger at certain times.

Finally at around the age of 30 years old something changed. When our cis-gender girlfriend at the time was at work and we were both home alone we experimented with her clothes, wigs, makeup, and everything in her wardrobe. I think this was the turning point in the acceptance of me. Finally I was acknowledged and today we're both happy with each other, we live alone and like I said at the beginning of my post we share the same body intermittently depending who is present. Sometimes it's all me the other times it's all him, back and forth we go.

It's good to hear that you are able to share yourself with others and be acknowledged for who you are.  How you go about your life with opinions from others, if it makes you happy, the do it!  I was 30 years old when I changed my life around.

We joined this community because exploring the feminine side of us has been both exciting and confusing at times. This forum feels like a welcoming space where we can connect with others who understand the complexities of our gender identity. Also we are considering hrt feminization therapy as discussed with our therapist.

You have a wealth of experience and information here at Susan's, that I never had when I changed my life around.  I came to Susan's Place for the first time in 2010.  It was welcoming then, after leaving Susan's after a couple or years.  I have just come back and it's still welcoming.

Its good to hear that you are considering HRT yes it will feminise your features.  Just remember that whatever you decide to do.  It is up to you to make that final decision on what you do.

Oh, don't worry about him. It's not likely he will join the forum he is into other things that cis-gender men and transgender men enjoy. I can assure you every time that you see me post here it's because Lilith aka Lilis is present.

You can always tell us what he is up to.  We will not tell him, what you have told us about him.  Information that you tell us in PM (private messages) or on Susan's Discord Forum (private areas) will remain private between those individuals.

Again, I am happy to be here and thanks for having me.

No, we are happy to have another like minded soul, that can provide insight to others as other members can learn from your experiences.  In addition other members of Susan's will come along and more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most of us have experienced these as well.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something from new members.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Sarah B
Offical Greeter
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@ Lilis

[LoriDee]

Hello Lilis!

Welcome to Susan's Place. You will find friendly people here with all kinds of experience. If you need information, advice, or support, we are here for you. As you check out other member's stories on their personal blogs, you may find experiences similar to your own. Perhaps you could start your own Member Blog to keep us up to date on what's happening with you. Share only what you are comfortable with, this is the internet. Glad to have you join us!

Lori Dee

[Lilis]

Hello Lilis

My name is Sarah B   and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

You mentioned in your first posts:

I looked up your name Lilith and the meaning, a very unusual and unique name,  what intrigues me is why did you choose such a name?  You don't have to say the reasons why.

We are all different in how we perceive ourselves.  I have always been female.  I could never walk in two shoes.  You are not the only one here on Susan's that is either gender fluid or binary.  If you are happy with who you are, then that is the most important thing in the whole world. 

Given the description you have provided above, I would suggest if it is possible take a chromosome test as it could provide more information about why your body went through those puberty changes.  Other than hormonal imbalance.

It's sad that you had to endure being teased and stared at.  No one should ever have to be treated differently from others. 

It's good to hear that such drastic measures did not occur in your life.  Those feelings are always present and keep resurfacing until something is done about them.

Take me for example, the only feelings, I suppose if I was brutally honest occurred over a period of time from 1980 to 1989, my longing and wanting to be a female was growing stronger, however it did not affect me per se. It did not worry me that I was thinking about it. So I left family and friends in 1989, so that I could live my life as a female.  I still had those feelings when I was younger at certain times.

It's good to hear that you are able to share yourself with others and be acknowledged for who you are.  How you go about your life with opinions from others, if it makes you happy, the do it!  I was 30 years old when I changed my life around.

You have a wealth of experience and information here at Susan's, that I never had when I changed my life around.  I came to Susan's Place for the first time in 2010.  It was welcoming then, after leaving Susan's after a couple or years.  I have just come back and it's still welcoming.

Its good to hear that you are considering HRT yes it will feminise your features.  Just remember that whatever you decide to do.  It is up to you to make that final decision on what you do.

You can always tell us what he is up to.  We will not tell him, what you have told us about him.  Information that you tell us in PM (private messages) or on Susan's Discord Forum (private areas) will remain private between those individuals.

No, we are happy to have another like minded soul, that can provide insight to others as other members can learn from your experiences.  In addition other members of Susan's will come along and more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most of us have experienced these as well.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something from new members.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Sarah B
Offical Greeter
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@ Lilis

Hi Sarah B,

Thanks so much for the warm welcome! It truly means a lot to connect with someone who understands.

I appreciate you sharing your story about transitioning. It's inspiring to hear about your journey.

The idea behind the name Lilith came about in the early days. To be honest in those days I wasn't a very good girl, back then I was only allowed to exist in the nightly hours, especially on Friday's and weekends after heavy drinking and drugging. Living in New York City, during that time I would dress and post salsy images of myself in websites such as craigslist, and other similar websites looking for cis-gender men for sexual pressures. No, I wasn't selling myself I did this because it was the easiest way for me to meet cis-gender men at that time in my situation. This phase in my life is behind me, and today I no longer participate in these dangerous activities. I didn't have a name and I needed something that resonated with my lifestyle, so I did some research and came across the name Lilith on a Google search, after learning who Lilith was from the wikipedia website and having a Christian background the name resonated with me with and the life that I was living.Thankfully I no longer live like this today, but I became attached with the name and kept it, I think Lithith and who I was and who I am have somethings in common.

About the chromosome test I'll definitely consider your suggestion and discuss it with my doctor.

I'm happy to be in a space where I can learn from others and hopefully offer some insights as well.

Thanks again for everything, Sarah B, and everyone for the warm welcome.

[Moonflower]

Hi everyone, I'm Lilith or Lilis, and I'm thrilled to join this community! I'm a transwomen, but for as long as I can remember, there hasn't been one neat label that's felt quite right for our gender identity.  I say "our" because I share my body with a man, and we have walked a really exciting journey together  for many years. In this one body we both flow and change intermittently depending  on who is present, the changes and flow could be daily and (or) sometimes weekly, and just recently, the term 'gender fluid' has really resonated with us.

Hi Lilith! Welcome!

I think I understand your experience of fluidity, but in a different way. My wife identifies entirely as a trans woman, and I've been noticing her fluidity as she transitions. Like you said, she as a man is a different person than she as her other self. Unlike you, she is discarding the man self.

It's has been a very challenging journey ever since puberty... We learned from the medical professionals a little bit of what was happening

My wife felt ashamed when she was the last person her age to go through puberty. She regrets that her parents and doctor never explained to her what happened. They put her on a pill that seemed to make puberty happen suddenly -- at age 16! Still, like you, many people commented on how non-masculine her body was through adulthood.

We joined this community because exploring the feminine side of us has been both exciting and confusing at times. This forum feels like a welcoming space where we can connect with others who understand the complexities of our gender identity. Also we are considering hrt feminization therapy as discussed with our therapist...

Again, I am happy to be here and thanks for having me.

We all here hope you will share more about your gender identity as you untangle your confusion. Congratulations on being limber enough to flow between genders!

[Lilis]

Hi Lilith! Welcome!

I think I understand your experience of fluidity, but in a different way. My wife identifies entirely as a trans woman, and I've been noticing her fluidity as she transitions.

Thank you, Moonflower, for the warm welcome!

It's interesting to hear a different perspective on gender identity, even though our experiences aren't exactly the same. It shows the beautiful diversity within the transgender community.

Like you said, she as a man is a different person than she as her other self. Unlike you, she is discarding the man self.

I'm so happy for your wife that she is ready to go full time. But, I don't think that I am ready to do same at this time. Hopefully it will happen to me after I begin hrt.

My wife felt ashamed when she was the last person her age to go through puberty. She regrets that her parents and doctor never explained to her what happened. They put her on a pill that seemed to make puberty happen suddenly -- at age 16! Still, like you, many people commented on how non-masculine her body was through adulthood.

I can feel her pain, and yes it was a time of confusion to everyone for us as well. I wish my parents and your wife's parents were better informed.

I am taking Sarah B suggestions about taking a chromosome test, I did a little research about what information could be reviled by taking the chromosome test. So far I have learned that males have XY chromosomes and females have XX chromosomes. These sex chromosomes determine factors like sex organs and the development of secondary sexual characteristics during puberty.

So typically, there's a possibility in my case, and in your wife's case that we were born with XXY chromosomes, the extra (x)reduces testosterone production.

Woe, this sounds very appealing and like we were born with some kind of gift. But I am not an expert, I got this information from a Google search, so take it with a grain of salt, I will update here when I learn more about my situation with my doctor.

We all here hope you will share more about your gender identity as you untangle your confusion. Congratulations on being limber enough to flow between genders!

I am learning so much here already and I love it, I will definitely share my findings as I progress through this journey. And thank so much Moonflower for sharing your wife's journey with me.

[Sarah B]

Hi Lilis

Hi Sarah B,

Thanks so much for the warm welcome! It truly means a lot to connect with someone who understands.

I appreciate you sharing your story about transitioning. It's inspiring to hear about your journey.

You are more than welcome.  I'm just passing on my knowledge and if you want to know more about what I did in detail then you need to read 'Sarah B's Story', the link is below my signature, titled 'Sarah's Story'.  Just thinking about what you wrote did you read my 'Story'?

The idea behind the name Lilith came about in the early days. To be honest in those days I wasn't a very good girl, back then I was only allowed to exist in the nightly hours, especially on Friday's and weekends after heavy drinking and drugging. Living in New York City, during that time I would dress and post salsy images of myself in websites such as craigslist, and other similar websites looking for cis-gender men for sexual pressures. No, I wasn't selling myself I did this because it was the easiest way for me to meet cis-gender men at that time in my situation. This phase in my life is behind me, and today I no longer participate in these dangerous activities. I didn't have a name and I needed something that resonated with my lifestyle, so I did some research and came across the name Lilith on a Google search, after learning who Lilith was from the wikipedia website and having a Christian background the name resonated with me with and the life that I was living.Thankfully I no longer live like this today, but I became attached with the name and kept it, I think Lithith and who I was and who I am have somethings in common.

About the chromosome test I'll definitely consider your suggestion and discuss it with my doctor.

Thank you for sharing and it was really appreciated by me and as I said, I always seem to learn something new, 'and I was right' (Simon Cowell, AGT, BGT).

If you read my story, then you will know, I changed my life around 35 years ago and at the time chromosome tests, were very expensive then and I did not bother to get one regardless of what the results turned out to be.  In other words, I was going to live my life how I wanted to, or as just me.

I have taken the test and it has not changed anything about me, not then and not now.

I'm happy to be in a space where I can learn from others and hopefully offer some insights as well.

Thanks again for everything, Sarah B, and everyone for the warm welcome.

Allie and Moonflower, have provided a wealth of information or insights into their 'journeys' for you to consider.  You will be able to provide insights to other members here on Susan's Place, when you tell us your stories and journey.  You only tell or share what you are comfortable in sharing.

Again you are more than welcome and thank you again for sharing as well.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Lilis

[Moonflower]

It's interesting to hear a different perspective on gender identity, even though our experiences aren't exactly the same. It shows the beautiful diversity within the transgender community.

Yes!

I'm so happy for your wife that she is ready to go full time. But, I don't think that I am ready to do same at this time. Hopefully it will happen to me after I begin hrt.

We are rooting for you, no matter what and when you choose. We just want to support your journey in whatever ways we can.

I am taking Sarah B suggestions about taking a chromosome test

Years ago, my wife and I came across an article, probably in Scientific American, about the numerous chromosome variations that can occur in intersex people. It caught our eye on a magazine rack in a grocery store checkout line! I see that more recent internet articles seem to be updates on that line of research, so you might have come across some of that kind of info by now.

We also saw an intersex documentary, "Intersexion: Finding a Place in a Two-Gender World", which she really appreciated as it seemed to validate her experience.

We're careful about our attitude toward the possibility that she is intersex. Her endocrinologist simply pointed out that her sex characteristics are dominantly male, though she is "missing" masculine characteristics, even before her recent hrt. We don't think that being intersex makes anyone "more" trans, and don't want to try to justify her trans-ness by it, but we do celebrate her apparent chromosomal femaleness, though we have no lab test to prove it. She got her first estrogen blood level today: it's "High" for a man, even though she's been on just a small dose of estrogen, which is another reason for celebration, especially after all of the concerns about the health risks from estrogen.

We have a court order now that gives her the legal right to change her name and gender, and she's implementing those changes now. That might be enough documentation for her to feel sufficiently supported and safe to express herself more freely and genuinely.

Somehow, we have the belief that if we ever feel the need to justify the reality of her trans-ness, explaining that she might be intersex would somehow make it more believable to transphobes. We use this argument between ourselves sometimes to help us sray connected with the reality of her "condition". We don't ever want to feel like we need that argument. We aim to stay in a supportive social circle, advocating for all transgender people. Still, we sympathize with transwomen who are conspicuously masculine. That seems to us to make understanding trans-ism, and transitioning, enormously more difficult.

I am learning so much here already and I love it, I will definitely share my findings as I progress through this journey. And thank so much Moonflower for sharing your wife's journey with me.

Yay! And thank you for being here!

By the way, I thought of you when I saw a pretty dress called Lilith in a Sundance catalog.
 https://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/110766