Envy and dysphoria came back

[Alana1990]

The last two months, being transgender, gender envy and dysphoria hasn't been something I've thought about at all. Fast forward to today, I had an interaction with a very feminine woman, and at first I found her attractive, then I became very envious of her, then, the dysphoria hit me. I had forgotten how unpleasant gender envy and dysphoria is. Sigh 😔

[LoriDee]

Sorry to hear that, Alana.

It does happen. With me, it is usually when I see a younger woman and I think I might want to look like that. It happens more and more because everyone is younger than me. I am older than dirt. 

Don't let it get to you. One of the worst things we can do is compare ourselves to others. Instead, compare yourself to your old self and see how much you have achieved. Sometimes it isn't much, but as time goes by you have more and more achievements to feel good about.

Hugs!

[Alana1990]

Thanks for the encouraging words, LoriDee. I need it today. The dysphoria is hitting me very hard today. Real hard.
Hugs, Alana

Sorry to hear that, Alana.

It does happen. With me, it is usually when I see a younger woman and I think I might want to look like that. It happens more and more because everyone is younger than me. I am older than dirt. 

Don't let it get to you. One of the worst things we can do is compare ourselves to others. Instead, compare yourself to your old self and see how much you have achieved. Sometimes it isn't much, but as time goes by you have more and more achievements to feel good about.

Hugs!

Sorry to hear that, Alana.

It does happen. With me, it is usually when I see a younger woman and I think I might want to look like that. It happens more and more because everyone is younger than me. I am older than dirt. 

Don't let it get to you. One of the worst things we can do is compare ourselves to others. Instead, compare yourself to your old self and see how much you have achieved. Sometimes it isn't much, but as time goes by you have more and more achievements to feel good about.

Hugs!

[ChrissyRyan]

The last two months, being transgender, gender envy and dysphoria hasn't been something I've thought about at all. Fast forward to today, I had an interaction with a very feminine woman, and at first I found her attractive, then I became very envious of her, then, the dysphoria hit me. I had forgotten how unpleasant gender envy and dysphoria is. Sigh 😔

This is a reaction that I think occurs more often than one may think.  Plus the other woman does not necessarily need to be younger.  She just has to have a look, very female, that you would like to have.

Hang in there. 

Chrissy

[Sarah B]

Hi Alana

You mentioned in the following post written above:

The last two months, being transgender, gender envy and dysphoria hasn't been something I've thought about at all. Fast forward to today, I had an interaction with a very feminine woman, and at first I found her attractive, then I became very envious of her, then, the dysphoria hit me. I had forgotten how unpleasant gender envy and dysphoria is. Sigh 😔

I'm sorry to hear that you have sufffered from dysphoria in this way.  I wrote a response to your post titled Had a consultation with a gender therapist today if you click on the link then it will take you to what I wrote.

I hope the comments will help you in some small way.  When you see your therapist in regards to 'gender envy' please mention this to them.  I'm sure they will help you in regards to this.

Take care see you soon.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Alana1990

[Robbyv213]

I know I feel this way more and more. Even more so when I see my wife naked. I always tell her she has an amazing body, and I'm glad that she gives it to me and lets me enjoy it (sexually and non sexually) but deep down I wish it was my body. That I had as feminine of a body as she does. She thinks I'm just complementing her and I am but there's more to it than that on my end.

Since I am a very masculine guy, and have very masculine frame ( that my wife has said that most men would spend their lives to achieve) I know I will never be that feminine, I will never have that small slender feminine look with curves in all the right places. For a guys body I'm good, but I guess I just made the best with the cards I've been delt since I felt there's nothing I can do about it. So I'm sure as most of us have at some point or another tried to ignore or repress everything by being as masculine or macho of a man as we can be, but it never works.

I feel the most envious when I see an attractive athletic woman at the gym. I feel I'll never be small and slender but there's a chance I could look like a female athlete or bodybuilder. So when I see a female like that, that's when it really hits me since I'm still here in a man's body and having to go as fast and my wife can handle any sort of transition.

[LoriDee]

Hi Robby,

Don't ever think that you can't look feminine. Yes, you might have a bigger frame, but there are big women too. I worked with a gal and we called her our Amazon Queen or the Viking Goddess. She was 6'1" with a wide frame and gorgeous blonde hair. It can happen. No, many of us will never be the small slender hot body. But that doesn't make you less feminine. Feminity is mostly a mindset. Then you adapt your mannerisms and work on appearance. There is no reason you can't become a Viking Goddess too. Give it time and think positively.

[Robbyv213]

LoriDee thank you for always cheering me up and giving me hope and perspective. I would very much love to be an Amazon queen or viking goddess.

[LoriDee]

We have members here who were athletes. If they can do it, you can too. You got this.

[Sarah B]

Hi Robbyv213

You said:

LoriDee thank you for always cheering me up and giving me hope and perspective. I would very much love to be an Amazon queen or viking goddess.

That's the spirit Girl!

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Robbyv213

[ChrissyRyan]

I know I feel this way more and more. Even more so when I see my wife naked. I always tell her she has an amazing body, and I'm glad that she gives it to me and lets me enjoy it (sexually and non sexually) but deep down I wish it was my body. That I had as feminine of a body as she does. She thinks I'm just complementing her and I am but there's more to it than that on my end.

Since I am a very masculine guy, and have very masculine frame ( that my wife has said that most men would spend their lives to achieve) I know I will never be that feminine, I will never have that small slender feminine look with curves in all the right places. For a guys body I'm good, but I guess I just made the best with the cards I've been delt since I felt there's nothing I can do about it. So I'm sure as most of us have at some point or another tried to ignore or repress everything by being as masculine or macho of a man as we can be, but it never works.

I feel the most envious when I see an attractive athletic woman at the gym. I feel I'll never be small and slender but there's a chance I could look like a female athlete or bodybuilder. So when I see a female like that, that's when it really hits me since I'm still here in a man's body and having to go as fast and my wife can handle any sort of transition.

I believe there is a lot one can do when one puts her mind to it.  Perhaps you can think all the feminine thoughts you can, gradually present as female, and get gender therapy as needed.  Do remember that everyone is different, with different circumstances.  There are no specific mandatory timelines.

Slender, short, shapely, and beautiful is the ideal look of many but many do not meet that are quite feminine women.

Best to you,

Chrissy

[Sarah B]

Hi Robby

You wrote in your post:

I know I feel this way more and more. Even more so when I see my wife naked. I always tell her she has an amazing body, and I'm glad that she gives it to me and lets me enjoy it (sexually and non sexually) but deep down I wish it was my body. That I had as feminine of a body as she does. She thinks I'm just complementing her and I am but there's more to it than that on my end.

You are not alone or different in your thoughts in regards to the female body and I doubt it is no different from all the rest of us females, that they wish or admire some other aspect or attribute that another female has.  I'm no different, I would like, slightly smaller feet, smaller head, different coloured eyes and of course much longer hair than I have now.

Since I am a very masculine guy, and have very masculine frame ( that my wife has said that most men would spend their lives to achieve) I know I will never be that feminine, I will never have that small slender feminine look with curves in all the right places. For a guys body I'm good, but I guess I just made the best with the cards I've been delt since I felt there's nothing I can do about it. So I'm sure as most of us have at some point or another tried to ignore or repress everything by being as masculine or macho of a man as we can be, but it never works.

Neither will I have that small slender feminine frame.  It might be nice to have one like that, then again maybe not.  I have got what I got and there is not much I can do about it and I have never really worried about it.

There were two things that worried me in the early stage of changing my life around, one was my adam's apple, I was self conscious about it, but it never was prominent, probably from lack of testosterone in my system and as time went by it never worried me, since there was nothing there really.

The second thing that I was self conscious about was my shoulders which were broad and of course my arm and shoulders had muscles, due to all the swimming training that I did.  I stopped worrying about them when a certain female swimmer Lisa Curry Kenny was visiting our town and pool.

She was walking along the pool deck and I saw how big her shoulders were and muscular, she was wearing bathers.  Well after that encounter, I never worried about my shoulders, except it took sometime for me to start wearing gowns and dresses that exposed my shoulders per se.   

I feel the most envious when I see an attractive athletic woman at the gym. I feel I'll never be small and slender but there's a chance I could look like a female athlete or bodybuilder. So when I see a female like that, that's when it really hits me since I'm still here in a man's body and having to go as fast and my wife can handle any sort of transition.

Therein lies your answer, women come in all shapes and sizes and being envious is only human.  Changing the features that you can to make yourself more feminine is the way to go and to accept your body the way it is.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Robbyv213

[Gina P]

Hello Robby,
   As a person who went the route of body building and power lifting during my younger years, I totally get what you are feeling. My arms were 18"and had huge shoulders. I have been doing some reverse training the last years by avoiding heavy lifting (no weights) and just some cardio. Estrogen is amazing and my arms shrunk almost instantly. Shoulders are still wide and ribs a bit big but all are still shrinking. Proper clothing can accent what you have and minimize what you don't like. Women have been doing this for centuries. As the others have said women come in all shapes and sizes. It's more the mannerisms and voice that add to the whole package. Have hope we are all traveling this road together.
Hugs Gina  

[Robbyv213]

I agree. Women do come in all shapes and sizes, and colors. I know I am making more out of it then it really is. Just another fake excuse to not really commit to a transition.

If I am honest with myself I feel I play the negatives more to be realistic, but deep down I typically am a glass half full kind of gurl. Not that I let anyone else see that, I save the hope against all odds for myself, and let everyone else think I'm just a negative Nancy lol.