Life Of Michelle K

[Michelle_K]

Watching a video debate and something said about why the caller should not care about what is in the other person's pants. It reminded me about something my dad said about long haired boys, because he can't tell if they are male or female, someone should cut their hair off. Since my dad was married, he should have no need to know. But, I suspect he wanted to make sure he was not seducing a boy.


I may have mentioned this in some therapy session. As a child, I could get punished for breaking a rule, not being told what the rules were before I broke the rules. The first time I stepped into a water puddle, I got punished for getting my shoes wet.

Some things I do remember. My mother tells me to go out and get wood for the stove. I start putting my tinker toy away, and get told not to bother, they will be fine. I bring the wood in and my tinker toys are gone. I ask about the tinker toys and in an angry voice my mother states I left them out and she stepped on them. In anger she threw them in the stove.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

Last week after finding a walking route that would be two whole miles, I managed to do my walk for three days in a row. Unfortunately the third day I was wearing a different pair of shoes, and ended up limping one the mile back home. I had a toe joint that decided it was going to pop in and out of place. It would only hurt when I took a step with that foot. I began wondering if it might have been just a bit to far to walk, thinking walking to the post office and back should be enough. I can find a route that will make a round trip to the post office equal to a mile.

Monday I decided to skip my shower and breakfast, and head to the hospital for direct access testing. Get my blood work done, including testosterone. I had not been contacted since getting the prescription for 5 mg Rosuvastation back in October. Looking in MyChart, I'm not scheduled to to get a lipid panel until 4 years from now, as Medicare deems it unnecessary until then, unless the doctor insists it is necessary.
They had to send the one test elsewhere to have it done, but I should have the results in the mail by Friday. Some of the testing places would have you draw the blood at the local hospital, and then send the vials to their lab. I just found a lab that does Trans-wellness test. It would be a 60 mile drive to Alexandra MN.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

Got my sauerkraut in a jar this time, and it had a large lid. I tried and tried to open the jar, and was about to give up. I realized I knew how to do this without a large channel lock pliers. When I bought the jar, I had put it in the refrigerator for storage. The jar is cold, warm water on the lid would make it loose enough to remove. I had even thought about going to the neighbor to have him open my jar.

I've been back out walking to the post office again. Still considering that a daily, or mostly daily, would be sufficient walking exercise. Then trying to figure out how I got 10,000 steps on my smart watch. I realized that while scanning a bunch of papers into the computer, I was moving my hand with the watch between the scanner and the recycle box. The watch thought I was walking the 3 feet between the two.
Michelle

[Dawn Kellie]

I found if I put my watch on my dogs collar, then take him out to play fetch. I get all the steps I could want.

[Michelle_K]

Trying something different again. Wanting to avoid the loss of thoughts, I made another thoughts text file.

I think I had come to the conclusion that My pickle craving was really a craving for the salt in the pickle. In the past I have daily eaten the salty snacks, and put plenty of salt on my food. Still had a problem with not being thirsty, and my blood pressure around 115.
The problem arises trying to eat more healthy, cutting salt and carbs, less pre made frozen dinners. I start getting dizzy more often, banging into doorways. my leg bumps the doorway and tears a patch of skin off. The Urology department decides I should drink 3 liters of water a day to flush out any kidney stones that might want to form. Even though I did not have a history of kidney stones, but I did have the one large bladder stone. That would be about 12 glasses figuring 8 oz per glass. Someone remarked that with that amount of water they almost be living in the bathroom. Something like a diuretic, flushing out the minerals and vitamins and hormones.
The thing is, the increase amount of water combined with the electrolytes is what a doctor would recommend for my low blood pressure and dizziness on standing. Without being diagnosed for the dizziness, I have been prescribed a solution. Another thing was living with the pain for so long that there is a high tolerance for the pain. Reading the symptoms for low testosterone, I do not fit the standard body type. I am too skinny to have low testosterone.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

Getting to a point where one trip up and down the steps, and I have to rest. Trying to get everything from upstairs. Get rid of the junk, still sorting through the boxes and organizing stuff. Most of my Bratz dolls have gone to the thrift shop. I still have the Bratz Catz and the mermaids. I think I mentioned most of the Bratz clothes disappeared when my niece found out the clothes would fit the Monster High dolls. I still have the Bratz shoes as the Bratz had pegs. Actually it was a 6 mm ball at the ankle that went into the shoes and the Monster High had feet. I had considered cutting off the Barbie feet and attach the 6 mm bead and then the shoes could be worn by Barbie. My sideshow and other dolls have the 7 mm ball at the ankle. My tomb raider doll is from the Cy Girl doll line with the socket being at the ankle and the 7mm ball attached to the foot. Her foot fits into the GI Joe boots, and I think also Ken shoes.
With a couple of barbell type connectors 7mm on one end and 6mm on the other end, Lara croft can wear the Bratz shoes. 7mm beads on both ends and she can wear the sideshow shoes.
Michelle

[Lori Dee ✅]

Sounds like you could do a lot of mixing and matching!

[Michelle_K]

Having been several months since starting Rosuvastatin, I decided to do direct access testing since the doctor had not scheduled any testing to evaluate how it is working. The good news is my cholesterol is in the normal range at 66 for LDL, and 53 for HDL. With my cholesterol now in the normal range, it should be safe for me to now get on estrogen therapy.
I don't recall how long ago I had requested a keryotype test for Klinefelter syndrome. Last fall my testosterone level was at 262. It has now dropped to 207, with 200 being the bottom of the normal scale. I sent the results to my doctor. She agreed the results of the testosterone, was a bit low, suggesting I need to check for thyroid, diabetes, or maybe my supplements causing the low testosterone. No mention that I needed to increase the sex hormones. So currently off my supplements until I get my tests done. Only thing is, when I pay out of pocket for direct access, it doesn't count toward my Medicare deductible.

Quote from research: A total testosterone level of 207 ng/dL is considered low (typically below 300 ng/dL), which can cause a hormonal imbalance leading to gynecomastia—the development of firm glandular breast tissue in males.

I've been feeling breast tingling for several weeks now, and I think I might have to find some smaller bra inserts. I'm getting a bit self conscious about how far my shirt is sticking out. If they don't want to give me HRT then I need to produce the estrogen on my own. No statin is known to make that much change, especially at 5mg dose.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

I found a remote control button for the iPhone photo and have been checking it out.



The intent was to show the deformed ribs. When I first went to the provider I now have I mentioned the ribs to her. She never checked my ribs, and mentioned her brother has the same thing and it is not a problem.

This year I have found a different doctor at a different clinic to do my yearly medicare wellness check.
I think that also means my CT lung scan will be at a different hospital.

Tuesday schedule so far is skip breakfast, head to the hospital for direct access blood tests. I should have the results in 45 min. Then head to my new doctor appointment.

Friday I went to the VA clinic to view the clothesline exhibition. Afterwards I went to the psychiatric department, and now I'm an outpatient there.
Michelle 

[Michelle_K]

The Clothesline Project
The Clothesline Project is to raise awareness about Military Sexual
Trauma (MST) and sexual abuse.
The Clothesline Project Shirt Exhibit will be in the Auditorium in
Building 8 of the St. Cloud VA Medical Center.
Thursday, April 23, from 8:30 a.m. – 4 p.m.
Friday, April 24, from 8:30 a.m. – 3 p.m.
For more information on MST or to decorate a shirt please contact:

Sorry it is over with for this year. I just got overwhelmed by the feelings as I read what was written on the shirts. I think I mentioned it in the psychiatric dept about being self conscious about having breast growth and not having a shirt in recovery after my appendectomy. I was on the men's ward surrounded by other patients. This was in an army hospital.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

Tuesday, things went pretty good. The thyroid blood test turned out normal. The diabetes test turned out normal.
The doctor gave me the name of another doctor seeing gender dysphoria that is about 35 miles away. The earliest appointment would be in July.

and the name of the pride group in the same location.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

I was surprised this morning by a phone call. The new doctor I saw for my medicare wellness had sent a referral to the gender doctor and they called me and set up my appointment.
Michelle

[Lori Dee ✅]

I was surprised this morning by a phone call. The new doctor I saw for my medicare wellness had sent a referral to the gender doctor and they called me and set up my appointment.
Michelle

That is great news, Michelle!

Hopefully, they can finally help with all of your issues so you can get back to doing the things you love.

[Michelle_K]

Some 20 years ago, I took a knife to my wrists. The knife I used was imaginary. It was not real, but the feelings of letting something go was real. The scars on my wrists are real, but from putting plates into my wrists. I don't know if it is the right term, ironic. I used an imaginary knife to cut my wrists, avoiding scars, and end up with scars on my wrists anyway. They become a reminder that I went through the motions of cutting my wrists. I know about cutting and the reason for cutting. I had been using a rubber band and feeling the sting on the palm of my hand when snapped.

The way I was raised, not to bother asking for help, because your not getting any help. I guess there is a second part, being my mother could change in an instant. There was the threat of getting my face slapped if I said the wrong thing. It was like she could hug me in one moment and slap my face the next moment. And people wonder why I don't like to be hugged.
 It would have been nice if I could have told the woman in the store what I was looking for when she asked if I needed help.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

Reading recently about the problems of getting a bra to fit properly when the ribs are deformed. It feels like the ends of the underwire are poking into the center of my chest. This particular bra has detachable straps, so I could go strapless and not have the straps pulling at the top of the bra. I had even considered extending the straps, or even eliminate the strap adjuster.
Michelle

[ChrissyRyan]

I hope you have a very nice week Michelle.


Chrissy

[Michelle_K]

Reading about lists of trans individuals, I sees some problems. One is a state requiring compiling all estrogen prescriptions given to people born as men. My cousin was prescribed estrogen for prostate cancer, if no distinction is made, he ends up on a list of trans individuals. In fact he at first refused the estrogen for fear of being feminized, but his family convinced him to take the treatment. On the other hand low testosterone is responsible for my feminization, and not having been prescribed estrogen, I do not get on the list. At the federal level, several anti-trans organizations have been lobbying the FDA for even more aggressive campaigns to assemble lists of trans people.

Looking at the Tennessee law it is unclear to me if a report on trans individuals includes medication for blood pressure or statins, or other non trans medications. Also whether operations such as hernia surgery would be included. Or maybe the provider might interpret the request as meaning all surgeries and all medications.
I don't know if it might be that I expect the worst due to the way I was raised, With parents that could change the rules mid game. A response from my dad to someone else, my kid knows what happens if I don't win.

I didn't realize that living in Minnesota, I do not need a court order to change the sex on my birth certificate. I found the information online from the hospital for the new doctor I now have.

Mother's Day:
 1. My dad was last seen in a boat on mother's day back in 1979. His body was found 13 days later when the height of the river went down, and that date is put as his date of death.
 2. You are asking me to honor a woman that pulled my hair, and slapped my face for any perceived wrongdoing.
Michelle

[Lori Dee ✅]

You don't have to honor your own mother on Mother's Day. I don't.

I honor my stepmother, who was more of a mom to me than my mother was. There are other mothers out there who are not related to me, but I honor them.

[Michelle_K]

I ask myself why I keep on doing this, I mean Sign in to write and then forget what I was going to write about. It's like my thoughts are racing at 100 miles per hour, just put them on a circle track and grab the right one when it comes around.
I woke up the other night to go to the toilet and then couldn't get back to sleep. I decided to stream some country music and had a bowl of chocolate ice cream. I then went back to bed and fell asleep. Just as effective as a cup of hot chocolate. I discovered in the morning that I had forgotten my nicotine patch the day before.

I keep watching the videos, one about how someone told their parents that they were transgender. Then telling how later they felt about buying the shoes. I then remember I told my mother I wanted the white girl's tennis shoes for grade school. It was like no, the others would not understand. I didn't get the saddle shoes either. I was told no, and I think it was I had to appear to be a boy.

I need to remember, I would ask for girl shoes and clothes while in grade school. I think that shows that even though I didn't know the word transgender, or at that time transsexual, that was me. Actually, from what I now understand, the fact that I developed secondary female characteristics without an external source of estrogen, I would be intersex.

At times I wonder, if my attraction for a girl's school uniform was due to not having permission to wear dresses. Though the school did not have an official uniform.

Sorry, lost my thoughts, blame it on autism.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

Watching a report that left me confused. The reporter couldn't keep his facts straight. It involves a transgender assigned male at birth who identified as female, who uses the boy's restroom and filmed 40 girls under the stalls, who were actually boys in the boys restroom. These facts have not been confirmed.

The report started with stating a boy videoing 40 girls and later said a girl videoing 40 boys.

Michelle