Which countries are "Safe" for (trans) women?

[Tills]

Congrats, Tills!

That is wonderful news. Will you be building on it, or is it ready to move in?

C'mon, girl. We need details! 😄

Haha love this!

It's what they call 'turn-key' ready. So I can move in now.

I did hum and ha about a project, either in Scotland or Ireland but at 61 I just didn't think I had the energy for that. Especially because I want to pick up my quill and get writing again following my brother's death last February. I'd like my energy to go to that. If I were 20 years younger I'd have maybe gone for a build or a renovation. 

But it's also about where I wanted to be and the kind of community. The town has a population of 4,000 and a big arts scene with music and literary festivals. Not that I like the designation 'trans' but I won't be the only one on the island (I checked!). Like a lot of the Scottish Highlands it's a strong SNP area, Scottish National Party, who are generally left-of-centre progressives and pretty liberal. The town has coffee shops, bistros, and groups like ornithologists who I shall join. And ramblers too.

There is no road bridge: it's a true island. So you take a 30-minute ferry but the transport links are actually excellent. Amazingly, and this was a factor for me, it has a hospital with 24-hour A&E.

So ... it's a beautiful apartment in a 140-year old listed building. It has proper wooden floors which are lovely and sash windows (which are still double glazed) and in one direction looks across the sea to the Highlands. In the other direction it looks over a garden with trees and bird life. There are sea eagles around and occasional golden eagles. Red squirrels are on the island too.

It rains there a lot there The day I viewed the apartment it was sluicing down but I like the rain. And on clear days the views are simply stunning. One of the rooms is north-facing and it should be very possible to see the Northern Lights from it from time to time.

I've realised that I'm a Norse girl. My favourite countries are Norway and Scotland, and now I'll be coming home.

So there you go. You did ask To be truthful, thank you. It means a lot to me that you asked.



xx

[Lori Dee ✅]

Thanks, @Tills

That sounds really lovely! I'm no fan of rain, but everything else seems like a wonderful place to live. I am so happy for you!

[Tills]

Hi everyone,

It's looking like my Scottish place may be falling through, not from my side but the seller's.

It has got me thinking and wondering. I have taken an ostrich approach to News for the past 2 years. However a good MtF friend of mine says things are terrible in the UK media at the moment. That everything is XX or XY, black or white.

It has got me thinking. Am I being naive? Is the UK not really a safe country, or is the trajectory one in which we may not be safe?

xx

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

According to the media the UK is terrible for trans people. I personally have not experienced any issues at all, even considering I live in a questionable area!

The bathroom debate is one of the biggest problems right now. I don't know how bad this is in reality as I don't dare to use the ladies bathroom if anyone else is around. This part feels very oppressive.

Charlotte 😻

[Lori Dee ✅]

@Tills

I would suggest focusing less on national news and more on local news.

Many communities are safer, even though they reside within a hostile environment. Here in Colorado, there are many places all over the state labeled as "Trump Country" where MAGA hats and flags are everywhere. However, the central corridor along I-25 is populated by Democrats and Independents. These communities are generally safe. Since the largest cities and most populous areas lie within that corridor, the state typically votes Democrat. Not just for the Governor and elected officials, but also for representatives who pass protective state laws.

You said that you found your community to be accepting, if not supportive. Just pay attention to what is happening there. London is a long way away! If the community accepts you and you feel comfortable there, support it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[KathyLauren]

It's looking like my Scottish place may be falling through, not from my side but the seller's.

Aw, bummer!  I was looking forward to hearing all about your new place.

I don't know what the UK is like these days, other than what I hear in the news, which is all at a national level.  In my experience, small rural communities seem to be more accepting than urban ones.  Which is why I was looking forward to hearing about your place on the island. 

I would never dare to live in Halifax - I'd be looking over my shoulder all the time, waiting to get mugged.  People are nicer here in the Valley, and in fact, we are planning to move to a smaller, even more rural community next year. 

We have already met a few people from the community, and we fit right in.  It is a small, homestead-y place, with no industry, where all the farms are family-owned  instead of big agri-businesses.  It reminds me a lot of the island we lived on on the west coast, population 1200.  Where people have to be self-sufficient to a large extent, they don't have the time or the energy to discriminate against people who want to be there.

I hope you are able to make that purchase work out, or to at least find an equivalent place.

[Tills]

Such lovely responses, ladies. Thank you so much.

That's really interesting that @Lori Dee and @KathyLauren reference local communities and areas, contrasting with wider and more hostile areas.

I'd always considered cities to be generally favourable. In the UK, cities like Brighton, Bristol, and London are very LGBTQ-friendly, whereas the rural communities tend to be more conservative. But that's a really interesting point about your island on the west coast, KathyLauren. I love your comment 'Where people have to be self-sufficient to a large extent, they don't have the time or the energy to discriminate against people who want to be there.' That would be the case for the island where I still hope to buy.

It may not have fallen through yet but time is running out to complete by the agreed date. Let's see if things happen in the run up to Christmas.

Otherwise I might take a rain check on UK property searching and go to Thailand for a holiday. Generally there it's relaxed and accepted.

xx

[Tills]

According to the media the UK is terrible for trans people. I personally have not experienced any issues at all, even considering I live in a questionable area!

The bathroom debate is one of the biggest problems right now. I don't know how bad this is in reality as I don't dare to use the ladies bathroom if anyone else is around. This part feels very oppressive.

Charlotte 😻

Hi Charlotte,

I know that confrontational situations are the last thing some people want or need. Also that it can be a scary experience.

However, have you tried just going ahead and using the Ladies? The key thing if you're nervous is not to make eye contact with anyone in there. But then, I don't make eyes with anyone in the Ladies even if I'm feeling good

I ask because I doubt there would be many, if any, occasions in the UK when someone in there is going to confront you? It has never happened to me even if I'm not wearing any makeup.

xx

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Hi Charlotte,

However, have you tried just going ahead and using the Ladies? The key thing if you're nervous is not to make eye contact with anyone in there. But then, I don't make eyes with anyone in the Ladies even if I'm feeling good

Hi Tills,
Thanks for your reply. I've only really used the ladies when I know it's empty or at furry / LGBTQ+ events and such. Also at work as my colleagues are onboard.

I do have quite an intense fear though as I'm still not comfortable that I pass enough yet. I suppose though I could be waiting forever to reach that perfect stage of passing if that's even a thing!

I think  I could maybe get the courage if I'm dressed feminine enough. Other times in my work clothes etc. I think I'd be really nervous.

Maybe on the back of your encouragement I will try and make some progress...starting when I'm dressed more femme and build up. If I do ever get confronted I might need a bit of tlc here though!!

Charlotte 😻

[Lori Dee ✅]

I do have quite an intense fear though as I'm still not comfortable that I pass enough yet.

You are looking at this from an MtF perspective. Most people are not that familiar with transgender people, or even crossdressers. You could be FtM trans or CD. No one has anyway to know for sure.

Don't worry about "passing". You are not hanging out in there or doing anything that might give people the creeps. Act as if you belong there, and you do. Go in, do your business, and leave. Focus on that, and it will get easier over time. I have never been confronted, and do not expect to be.

[Tills]

Just coming back to the Scottish situation, I have now found out the reason for the problems and delay. The seller's property has the wrong address on the title deeds. That sounds like a fairly spectacular problem but apparently her solicitors have been trying to fix it with Land Registry for the past 5 weeks.

So here's hoping. If it's meant to be then please keep your fingers crossed for me ladies 🥰

xx

[Lori Dee ✅]

Good luck, Tills!
I hope it all works out.
🤞🙏

[Tills]

Good morning everyone from the UK.

I want to apologise for being off air recently. My entire focus has been on property hunting in Scotland. It has been a gruelling process of many downs but also some wonderful ups. I made 8 separate trips from southern Britain through the depths of winter in search of a place that I can make home. As one estate agent (realtor) said to me last week, 'you must really love the Scottish Highlands to be house hunting in winter.' Another said that 'many had promised to come and view but you are the only one who has actually made it.'

I was all set for a place on the Isle of Bute but the title deeds were wrong and it fell through. I may have had a good escape from that 'for me'.

After much searching east, north, and west I eventually found the area I loved the most and which seemed to beckon me. The remote, rugged, Cowal Peninsula in the western Scottish Highlands. It was recently described by BBC wildlife camera operator Hamza Yassin as 'one of the last great wildernesses left in Britain.' It's an area of staggering natural beauty and remains little discovered by outsiders.

Last Saturday I found two properties which I really liked. One needed a huge amount of work, and money, to bring it up to scratch but had the advantage of being in a village. The other was more rural but 'turnkey ready'. This latter is the one I have gone for. Yesterday I put in an offer on one which was accepted and the sale looks to be proceeding.

The 2-bedroom place looks out over The Holy Loch on the river Eachaig, which is just south of Loch Eck. The views are spectacular.

There is one town on the Cowal Peninsula, Dunoon, which lies 6 miles away and there are two ferries to the mainland. The car ferry is excellent so it's possible to be at Glasgow airport in 45 minutes, or the centre of Glasgow in an hour. So remote, yes. But also strangely accessible. And unlike the Isle of Bute there is also a long winding road link back around the mainland past the Arrochar Alps and Loch Lomond National Park. So it feels like an island and yet isn't.

I have so far found nothing but acceptance on the Cowal Peninsula. No one has batted an eyelid, made any disparaging remark, or cast any look askance. I have been me, as me, without qualification or defence and everyone has accepted me in their stride.

And now to breathe!

with much love,

xxx

[Lori Dee ✅]

Tills,

That sounds so amazing. I hope everything goes smoothly so you can get settled in in time for Spring. The views sound so wonderful. Would love to see some photos when you get moved in. Not if. When.

[Dances With Trees]

Fingers crossed, Tills! And I second Lori's request for photographs.

[KathyLauren]

Yesterday I put in an offer on one which was accepted and the sale looks to be proceeding.

Congratulations!  That sounds like a lovely place.  Being a ferry ride away from civilization has definite advantages.  (I used to live on an island, so I am quite familiar with ferries.)  On the other hand, having a surface road, albeit a long one, has advantages, too. 

I have so far found nothing but acceptance on the Cowal Peninsula.

That fits with my experience.  Rural folk are among the most accepting you will find.

I wish you the best of luck in concluding the transaction and moving.

[Stottie Girl]

"There is one town on the Cowal Peninsula, Dunoon, which lies 6 miles away and there are two ferries to the mainland. The car ferry is excellent so it's possible to be at Glasgow airport in 45 minutes, or the centre of Glasgow in an hour. So remote, yes. But also strangely accessible. And unlike the Isle of Bute there is also a long winding road link back around the mainland past the Arrochar Alps and Loch Lomond National Park. So it feels like an island and yet isn't."

Thats a great part of the world I'm sure you will be very happy there. I've always fancied having a wander round the Arrochar Alps. That's where the Cobbler is isn't it? I holiday on the West coast nearly every year. I've been to Arran 19 times now and bagged quite a few of the other islands. Haven't explored the mainland much (other than Perthshire) but it looks fantastic over there.

[Tills]

"There is one town on the Cowal Peninsula, Dunoon, which lies 6 miles away and there are two ferries to the mainland. The car ferry is excellent so it's possible to be at Glasgow airport in 45 minutes, or the centre of Glasgow in an hour. So remote, yes. But also strangely accessible. And unlike the Isle of Bute there is also a long winding road link back around the mainland past the Arrochar Alps and Loch Lomond National Park. So it feels like an island and yet isn't."

Thats a great part of the world I'm sure you will be very happy there. I've always fancied having a wander round the Arrochar Alps. That's where the Cobbler is isn't it? I holiday on the West coast nearly every year. I've been to Arran 19 times now and bagged quite a few of the other islands. Haven't explored the mainland much (other than Perthshire) but it looks fantastic over there.

Hi Stottie Girl,

Thanks so much for such an encouraging message. Yes, The Cobbler you're right. It's part of the Arrochar Alps which look so beautiful don't they? Argyll and Bute is good value at the moment compared to further north on the west coast. Places like Skye are so expensive.

I'd love to go to Arran. Someone I know got stranded there but I think that's part of the thrill?

When I was 7 my parents took us to the Isle of Islay for 3 weeks. I remember it seeming cold and wet and there was an all-pervading smell of fermenting malt! But the lobsters were yummy and I spent a lot of time foraging for winkles and mussels on the foreshore.

I love Scotland and especially the Highlands. Hiking, especially in the hills and mountains, is kind-of my thing. And I've always found the people incredibly friendly and supportive. They're just so much more chilled out than down south and in my experience around the world, being chilled tends to correlate with being trans-friendly .

xx

[Tills]

p.s. And I really must make a visit (pilgrimage?) to Iona

[Tills]

p.p.s. For anyone who hasn't seen it, I recommend the delightful cult movie Local Hero (1983). The IMDB synopsis succinctly says, 'An American oil company has plans for a new refinery and sends someone to Scotland to buy up an entire village, but things don't go as expected.'

A couple of years ago I went to the famous Camusdarach Beach which features prominently in the film, part of the 'Silvery Sands of Morar' near Arisaig and Mallaig on Scotland's west coast, known for its white sands, clear water, and views of the Isle of Skye, Rum, and Eigg.

It's achingly beautiful.

I've travelled all over the world, far and wide, and if you can tolerate the rain and midges there's few places more beautiful than the Scottish Highlands, in my opinion.

xx