Which countries are "Safe" for (trans) women?

[Tills]

Congrats, Tills!

That is wonderful news. Will you be building on it, or is it ready to move in?

C'mon, girl. We need details! 😄

Haha love this!

It's what they call 'turn-key' ready. So I can move in now.

I did hum and ha about a project, either in Scotland or Ireland but at 61 I just didn't think I had the energy for that. Especially because I want to pick up my quill and get writing again following my brother's death last February. I'd like my energy to go to that. If I were 20 years younger I'd have maybe gone for a build or a renovation. 

But it's also about where I wanted to be and the kind of community. The town has a population of 4,000 and a big arts scene with music and literary festivals. Not that I like the designation 'trans' but I won't be the only one on the island (I checked!). Like a lot of the Scottish Highlands it's a strong SNP area, Scottish National Party, who are generally left-of-centre progressives and pretty liberal. The town has coffee shops, bistros, and groups like ornithologists who I shall join. And ramblers too.

There is no road bridge: it's a true island. So you take a 30-minute ferry but the transport links are actually excellent. Amazingly, and this was a factor for me, it has a hospital with 24-hour A&E.

So ... it's a beautiful apartment in a 140-year old listed building. It has proper wooden floors which are lovely and sash windows (which are still double glazed) and in one direction looks across the sea to the Highlands. In the other direction it looks over a garden with trees and bird life. There are sea eagles around and occasional golden eagles. Red squirrels are on the island too.

It rains there a lot there The day I viewed the apartment it was sluicing down but I like the rain. And on clear days the views are simply stunning. One of the rooms is north-facing and it should be very possible to see the Northern Lights from it from time to time.

I've realised that I'm a Norse girl. My favourite countries are Norway and Scotland, and now I'll be coming home.

So there you go. You did ask To be truthful, thank you. It means a lot to me that you asked.



xx

[Lori Dee ✅]

Thanks, @Tills

That sounds really lovely! I'm no fan of rain, but everything else seems like a wonderful place to live. I am so happy for you!

[Tills]

Hi everyone,

It's looking like my Scottish place may be falling through, not from my side but the seller's.

It has got me thinking and wondering. I have taken an ostrich approach to News for the past 2 years. However a good MtF friend of mine says things are terrible in the UK media at the moment. That everything is XX or XY, black or white.

It has got me thinking. Am I being naive? Is the UK not really a safe country, or is the trajectory one in which we may not be safe?

xx

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

According to the media the UK is terrible for trans people. I personally have not experienced any issues at all, even considering I live in a questionable area!

The bathroom debate is one of the biggest problems right now. I don't know how bad this is in reality as I don't dare to use the ladies bathroom if anyone else is around. This part feels very oppressive.

Charlotte 😻

[Lori Dee ✅]

@Tills

I would suggest focusing less on national news and more on local news.

Many communities are safer, even though they reside within a hostile environment. Here in Colorado, there are many places all over the state labeled as "Trump Country" where MAGA hats and flags are everywhere. However, the central corridor along I-25 is populated by Democrats and Independents. These communities are generally safe. Since the largest cities and most populous areas lie within that corridor, the state typically votes Democrat. Not just for the Governor and elected officials, but also for representatives who pass protective state laws.

You said that you found your community to be accepting, if not supportive. Just pay attention to what is happening there. London is a long way away! If the community accepts you and you feel comfortable there, support it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[KathyLauren]

It's looking like my Scottish place may be falling through, not from my side but the seller's.

Aw, bummer!  I was looking forward to hearing all about your new place.

I don't know what the UK is like these days, other than what I hear in the news, which is all at a national level.  In my experience, small rural communities seem to be more accepting than urban ones.  Which is why I was looking forward to hearing about your place on the island. 

I would never dare to live in Halifax - I'd be looking over my shoulder all the time, waiting to get mugged.  People are nicer here in the Valley, and in fact, we are planning to move to a smaller, even more rural community next year. 

We have already met a few people from the community, and we fit right in.  It is a small, homestead-y place, with no industry, where all the farms are family-owned  instead of big agri-businesses.  It reminds me a lot of the island we lived on on the west coast, population 1200.  Where people have to be self-sufficient to a large extent, they don't have the time or the energy to discriminate against people who want to be there.

I hope you are able to make that purchase work out, or to at least find an equivalent place.

[Tills]

Such lovely responses, ladies. Thank you so much.

That's really interesting that @Lori Dee and @KathyLauren reference local communities and areas, contrasting with wider and more hostile areas.

I'd always considered cities to be generally favourable. In the UK, cities like Brighton, Bristol, and London are very LGBTQ-friendly, whereas the rural communities tend to be more conservative. But that's a really interesting point about your island on the west coast, KathyLauren. I love your comment 'Where people have to be self-sufficient to a large extent, they don't have the time or the energy to discriminate against people who want to be there.' That would be the case for the island where I still hope to buy.

It may not have fallen through yet but time is running out to complete by the agreed date. Let's see if things happen in the run up to Christmas.

Otherwise I might take a rain check on UK property searching and go to Thailand for a holiday. Generally there it's relaxed and accepted.

xx

[Tills]

According to the media the UK is terrible for trans people. I personally have not experienced any issues at all, even considering I live in a questionable area!

The bathroom debate is one of the biggest problems right now. I don't know how bad this is in reality as I don't dare to use the ladies bathroom if anyone else is around. This part feels very oppressive.

Charlotte 😻

Hi Charlotte,

I know that confrontational situations are the last thing some people want or need. Also that it can be a scary experience.

However, have you tried just going ahead and using the Ladies? The key thing if you're nervous is not to make eye contact with anyone in there. But then, I don't make eyes with anyone in the Ladies even if I'm feeling good

I ask because I doubt there would be many, if any, occasions in the UK when someone in there is going to confront you? It has never happened to me even if I'm not wearing any makeup.

xx

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Hi Charlotte,

However, have you tried just going ahead and using the Ladies? The key thing if you're nervous is not to make eye contact with anyone in there. But then, I don't make eyes with anyone in the Ladies even if I'm feeling good

Hi Tills,
Thanks for your reply. I've only really used the ladies when I know it's empty or at furry / LGBTQ+ events and such. Also at work as my colleagues are onboard.

I do have quite an intense fear though as I'm still not comfortable that I pass enough yet. I suppose though I could be waiting forever to reach that perfect stage of passing if that's even a thing!

I think  I could maybe get the courage if I'm dressed feminine enough. Other times in my work clothes etc. I think I'd be really nervous.

Maybe on the back of your encouragement I will try and make some progress...starting when I'm dressed more femme and build up. If I do ever get confronted I might need a bit of tlc here though!!

Charlotte 😻

[Lori Dee ✅]

I do have quite an intense fear though as I'm still not comfortable that I pass enough yet.

You are looking at this from an MtF perspective. Most people are not that familiar with transgender people, or even crossdressers. You could be FtM trans or CD. No one has anyway to know for sure.

Don't worry about "passing". You are not hanging out in there or doing anything that might give people the creeps. Act as if you belong there, and you do. Go in, do your business, and leave. Focus on that, and it will get easier over time. I have never been confronted, and do not expect to be.