Emma1017 ... Which hurts less - Volume Two

[EllenW]

Emma,

Congratulations on your pending retirement.

Ellen

[davina61]

Retirement is wonderful but you need to find something to fill your time or you end up getting fat and lazy (or is that fatter and lazier ? like me!)

[Emma1017]

Thank you all for your warm thoughts. 

Yes, I am looking forward to more free time.  I am really proud to be able to hand my practice on to my son.  We have been working together for the last 7 years.  It has given us some time to sort out our relationship, and it is so much stronger now.

The key for me is that the burden of management is off my shoulders, and I feel amazing lighter for it.  The two-year commitment will also help me disengage emotionally and intellectually from the job.  I have so many interests that I have no fear of being bored, and Davina, I am still married, so I have no chance of getting fat and lazy. She has plans for my retirement, too.  Hence why my garage now has all of my power tools.

[Emma1017]

I had an interesting conversation with my therapist. 

I said that I felt that my photos had morphed from trying to prove I don't pass and that I wasn't transgender after all, to seeing if I could pass and loving the experience of seeing the female "me" in private, to believing that maybe I was transgender and that I could pass in public, to believing that I am transgender and that I can actually pass, to finally, that I am not really passing at all, I am just being me.

Another definition of what transitioning is.

 

[ChrissyRyan]

An interesting conversation that was.

Chrissy

[Lori Dee ✅]

from trying to prove I don't pass and that I wasn't transgender after all, to seeing if I could pass and loving the experience of seeing the female "me" in private, to believing that maybe I was transgender and that I could pass in public, to believing that I am transgender and that I can actually pass, to finally, that I am not really passing at all, I am just being me.

Another definition of what transitioning is.

That sums up the mental process for many of us.

Thanks, Emma!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I had an interesting conversation with my therapist. 

I said that I felt that my photos had morphed from trying to prove I don't pass and that I wasn't transgender after all, to seeing if I could pass and loving the experience of seeing the female "me" in private, to believing that maybe I was transgender and that I could pass in public, to believing that I am transgender and that I can actually pass, to finally, that I am not really passing at all, I am just being me.

Another definition of what transitioning is.

 

That's kinda familiar here too although still in the very early stages. Sounds like therapy is helping you think through all this and work it all out. That's definitely positive to hear.

Charlotte 😻

[Emma1017]

I think the most difficult part of being transgender is accepting yourself.  Our internal critic is inescapable.  That is why friendships like the ones here are so important.  They are allies against a storm of self-doubt.

My weakness now is the confidence to go to the ladies' room, particularly if there is a line.  I feel like I have an arrow over my head screaming, "THIS IS A GUY!"

I would love to see more bathroom signs like this:

🔗 [Link: ibb.co/GbZVMD7/]

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I think the most difficult part of being transgender is accepting yourself.  Our internal critic is inescapable.  That is why friendships like the ones here are so important.  They are allies against a storm of self-doubt.

My weakness now is the confidence to go to the ladies' room, particularly if there is a line.  I feel like I have an arrow over my head screaming, "THIS IS A GUY!"

I would love to see more bathroom signs like this:

🔗 [Link: ibb.co/GbZVMD7/]

The ladies room is a tough one. Particularly as you come out of a cubicle to an audience waiting to go in. I felt eyes drilling into my soul. It's scary. I have a key for the disabled loo now or just avoid going if it's busy.

Hope you find confidence to face it soon.

Charlotte 😻

[Stottie Girl]

I think the most difficult part of being transgender is accepting yourself.  Our internal critic is inescapable.  That is why friendships like the ones here are so important.  They are allies against a storm of self-doubt.

My weakness now is the confidence to go to the ladies' room, particularly if there is a line.  I feel like I have an arrow over my head screaming, "THIS IS A GUY!"

I would love to see more bathroom signs like this:

🔗 [Link: ibb.co/GbZVMD7/]

Love that sign!

[Pema]

I had an interesting conversation with my therapist. 

I said that I felt that my photos had morphed from trying to prove I don't pass and that I wasn't transgender after all, to seeing if I could pass and loving the experience of seeing the female "me" in private, to believing that maybe I was transgender and that I could pass in public, to believing that I am transgender and that I can actually pass, to finally, that I am not really passing at all, I am just being me.

Another definition of what transitioning is.

 

Emma, this is one of those posts that deserves to be framed and put on a wall. It's something I wish *everyone* could fully grasp and achieve.

"Don't try, just be."

Thank you for sharing your experiences - all of them.

[Emma1017]

Pema, one of the truly remarkable things I have found on my transgender journey, is the times that something suddenly connects in my thoughts and recognizes the absolute truth of it.

It just feels right, like spending your entire life using your right hand, only to find out you are really a leftie.

[Pema]

I love that, too, Emma. Those are the moments when it's tempting to think, "Oh, no... I've been doing it wrong all this time..." But better to be grateful that we arrived there at all.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I love that, too, Emma. Those are the moments when it's tempting to think, "Oh, no... I've been doing it wrong all this time..." But better to be grateful that we arrived there at all.

For me, it wasn't so much a realization that I was doing something wrong all this time.

It was more like, "Wait. I have a LEFT hand?"  Cool. OK, so be it then.

[ChrissyRyan]

I was wondering who has two heads, when I look at that sign.

[Sephirah]

You would be quite amazed at the amount of people in the UK who do not wash their hands.

I will leave it at that.

[Emma1017]

Chrissy, the two headed ones are politicians.

Lauren, I hope that the cooking staff at restaurants at least do...

I like to believe that the last one on the sign is a female Spartan.

[Emma1017]

I taught school twice this week.  My toughest group of kids is the female transgender students.  They can be the "mean" girls, and it's not surprising.

They are very clannish because they have so much to overcome. Like every other cisgender girl, they have to face depression, anxiety, and sadness, often fueled by social media comparison, cyberbullying, and academic pressure, as well as body image struggles, eating disorders, and low self-esteem.

...and then they transgender to top it off.  Relationships are brutally difficult for them.

Some have been thrown out of their homes and now live in shelters.  They are so vulnerable.  I love that the school makes extra efforts to support them.  There are after-school programs specifically just for them.  The other LGBTQ students have specialized programs for them as well.

I know that having a safe haven is even more important than grades.

[Dawn Kellie]

I envy you. Neither my wife nor I made good financial decisions and retirement is a long ways off. Enjoy the time

[Emma1017]

Fortunately, DK, I am a professional financial advisor, so I have absolutely no excuse for being unprepared for retirement...at least from the financial side.  I will suddenly have so much time to figure out, but I figure that between life and my wife, it won't be empty for long.

Wow, two weeks from today officially starts my reduced hours.  Theoretical becomes reality...about time!