Emma1017 ... Which hurts less - Volume Two

[Sephirah]

The Central Park scene looks enchanting. Although I always find it... quite weird to be in a place like that, with the sounds of a big city all around. I suppose it's something you get used to. There's something... alluring about snow. It feels like starting over. A white blanket that seems to erase everything underneath it and leaves just a blank sheet. Pristine. Like a canvas waiting for an artist.

Well, for a few days, anyway. Until everything's shut down and no one can do anything. Then you get a bit sick of it. But for the first while... it's like being in Wonderland.

[Emma1017]

Thanks, Chrissy.  I have no fear of wolves and bears (the non-human kind), just ice.

Exactly Sephirah! The snow cleans the slate and softens everything.  The great thing, there is no sound. The snow muffles everything. It is truly a moment of beauty and serenity.  That's why I love being out in the middle of the snow storm!

[Emma1017]

Only in New York:  in addition to the continuing deep freeze and piles of ugly black covered snow, for the last week there has been a ten foot high inflatable rat in front of my building.

A local construction union is picketing the building to protest nonunion workers in the building. The rat comes with friends, a dozen paid union worker are using whistles and air horns as part of the protest. I get to hear them every day. Thankfully, they are union, so they break for lunch and quit at 2 pm. 🤬

[Lori Dee ✅]

Only in New York:  in addition to the continuing deep freeze and piles of ugly black covered snow, for the last week there has been a ten foot high inflatable rat in front of my building.

A local construction union is picketing the building to protest nonunion workers in the building. The rat comes with friends, a dozen paid union worker are using whistles and air horns as part of the protest. I get to hear them every day. Thankfully, they are union, so they break for lunch and quit at 2 pm. 🤬

So sorry, Emma.

As a member of the electrician's union, I spent some time picketing with the giant rat. That made me laugh.

But we never used whistles or bullhorns at residential buildings. The goal was to irritate the building owners and/or management, never the residents.

Some unions feel that if the residents are annoyed, their complaints will annoy management and get the message across. We disagreed with that tactic. Send the message only to those who need to hear it and not to those who can't help.

[Emma1017]

Totally ok Lori. I have been a teamster and UFT member, so I get it. The rat just made me laugh. Some days we have three.

[Emma1017]

Somethoughts from talking with with my wife today:

I really expect too much from my late-in-life transgender relationship with her. I am a romantic, but I am not in a romantic relationship.  She made that point again today regarding our anniversary, Valentine's Day, and our first date.  She said that our romantic relationship died when I discovered and shared that I am a transgender female.  Whenever I allude to romantic love in our relationship, it hurts her.

We love each other, but she has made it clear that her love for me is not romantic.  Romantic love involves an intimacy and passion that, to be fair to our relationship, died many years ago, well before I was diagnosed as transgender but maybe because I was transgenger without knowing.

It hurt me when she said that, but, in fairness to her, she is right.  I guess I just don't want to let go of the romantic images in my head.

I believe that what we have is really love, but in the form of true love.  I like this description:

"True love is a sincere, deep, and unconditional feeling of love. It involves total acceptance and understanding of one's partner, as well as a willingness to share joys and sorrows together. True love also means having a commitment to mutually support and build a harmonious and lasting relationship."

Romantic love was a gender façade that hid our true love.  It lacked the substance that neither of us wanted to admit. I am sorry that she has no romantic love for me.  It hurts me as well, but I have to be happy that true love is what we do have.  It seems deeper in different ways.  I miss the romance, but at least I know I didn't kill it by being transgender. 

But ok, I get it. She loves me but she is not a lesbian.

I can live and love with that. ❤️

[Pema]

Thank you for sharing this, Emma. I'm sorry your relationship can't be everything you want and I'm sorry that it can't be everything your wife wants. But I'm glad the two of you can compromise and share the love that you have.

I guess I'm a little bit surprised that your anniversary is a sore point for her. Since you do truly love each other, I'd think that the anniversary of your union would still be worthy of celebration.

I wish you both peace and contentment in your life together.

[Charlotte_Ringwood ✅]

I must say that this brought a tear to my eye at first because love in all it's forms is the most special emotion. To hear of love that is strained brings strain deep from my own heart. I'm sorry to hear that she no longer has the romantic feelings which you wish were so.

But I am glad to hear that you have such true love that is reciprocated. As you say this is that deep care for each other's personal and emotional wellbeing, but also the fact that your souls are so deeply intertwined because you are a great fit for each other. This is extremely special too.

Like Pema said this kind of deep love often missing in others relationship is surely worth celebrating.

Charlotte 😻 x

[Dances With Trees]

After enduring so much loss and longing, Emma, I took comfort in knowing that love abides. I haven't been in a romantic relationship since I was 61 (and that was a long, long, time ago). Like you, I miss the exhilaration and satisfaction of romantic love. But I yearn for intimacy far more than I do the physical aspects of being in love. Like Pema said and Charlotte affirmed, peace and contentment are priceless gifts. Though sometimes bittersweet.

[EllenW]

"True love is a sincere, deep, and unconditional feeling of love. It involves total acceptance and understanding of one's partner, as well as a willingness to share joys and sorrows together. True love also means having a commitment to mutually support and build a harmonious and lasting relationship."

Emma,

Beautifully written description of true love. I happy that you have that with your wife, it is what I had with my late wife and I would not trade it for anything.


Ellen

[Lori Dee ✅]

But ok, I get it. She loves me but she is not a lesbian.

I can live and love with that. ❤️

True love is the best of all. I can understand why she doesn't want to be romanced by a woman. But she loves YOU, and that is what counts.

Hugs!