Diary of happy moments

[Stottie Girl]

Hello girls, so I was meaning to write this message just want to say...thank you!.

I was aware that I was a girl since I was 6, crying myself to sleep praying to wake up as a girl the next morning, and I felt very lonely...this is the brief summary of my life.
I felt as a guinea pig when I first went to a transgender "expert" some 20+ years ago searching for help to transition. I felt that the professional was analyzing a strange specimen instead of listening to me, making me feel alone, again.
When I came out to my parents...same story and a void opened between us...
Years went by and I just continued my transition at my own pace...because I am know who I am, getting my own help based on the experiences I read in forums like this one. I have made many mistakes and m aware...but I try as much as possible that they only affect me. I try not to make wrong to anyone.
I searched for advice once again and he was a ray of light and gave me hope. He suggested that I should stop being so protective of myself and that I should open...so I was already in Ig and he suggested to contact the closer trans association and get in personally, so that I would have real interaction as myself...so I did.
I collaborated in an activity, very nervously dressed as a man (pretty androginous), and when I opened up at the end and told them that my name is Anne and I am trans, I saw the void open again. The responsible looked at me ice cold, took a step backwards and well...that was a no no there...and feeling of loneliness again...but I keep on going.

So I looked around and found this forum...and you have all made me feel good and accompanied...thank you for that.
I have shared more of my life trip with you girls than I have shared with anyone...Thank you.
I have not felt judged, questioned or doubted...thank you.

So, this is just a BIG THANK YOU POST.
Thank you Susan and all the moderators and supporters, for hosting and keeping this forum such a wonderful place.

All the love for you lovely girls...Anne 🩷

I'm not sure how I missed this but that's a beautiful post Anne. I am coming from a similar position as you, I always knew from my earliest years I was supposed to be a girl but back in the 80's and 90's there wasn't many examples of achievable goals or role models.

I found Susans years ago but only used it for information and to read inspiring stories of the brave women who were living my dream. I wish I had been brave enough to join in back then. My experience since joining echo's yours, I didn't think it was possible to find somewhere as welcoming and somewhere where I could feel accepted but here I am. I have only been a member since February and yet I can't imagine not having this in my life.

[Petunia]

I went to the movies recently with my wife and a friend of hers who I hadn't seen for a long time.

The friend said she wouldn't have recognised me.

Although it was really just much longer hair and earring, it gave me a big inner smile. 

[Anne_lifetrip]

I wanted to share something that happened last week. My wife was away on a trip, and I was home alone with the kids. Every day after dropping them off at school, I would dress as myself and enjoy the day. I wore my earrings, bracelets, necklaces—everything. In fact, I took out all my clothes and left them in the closet, in my closet, where I could choose my daily clothes as anyone else.

One day, however, I forgot to change before going to pick up my kids from school. I had been wearing a pair of beautiful medium-sized white pearl earrings and had my hair in a ponytail, so they were quite noticeable.

When I arrived at the school, I passed a couple of parents and some of the children. One of them was a child who has bullied my son in the past. Both of my kids are under ten years old. I simply said, "Hello, how are you?" and carried on.

I spoke with my daughter's teacher. While I was talking with her, my daughter came over and said, "Daddy, finally you got your earrings!" At that moment, I realized what was happening. I quickly took the earrings off and continued talking with the teacher.

The truth is that I was absolutely terrified.

I was extremely afraid that this would somehow backfire on my kids. I worried that the bully would start teasing my son about it, or that other children might make comments. I was also worried about what the parents might think or say.
I questioned myself, my existence and that I cold not bear the weight of hurting or doing anything that would hurt my kids.
I had very defensive thoughts and those spiraled to dark places...quitting being me for ever and being the man society sees and apparently wants.
I questionned my manhood? (I have been, literally, where very few people have been, I have taken part as a medic in 4 armed conflicts and I am not in the army, been and coordinated humanitarian aid and rescue missions worldwide...and checked many of the manhood boxes)
I questionned my womanhood?, the way I am, how I am and how I feel when I am me...and felt as if I was being ripped of a part of me...

That night was really difficult for me, and the following day was no better. I went back to pick up the kids from school, trying to act as normally as possible, while anxiously waiting for reactions.

And, to my surprise, nothing happened.

Nobody mentioned it. Nobody seemed to have noticed. Nobody said anything to my children. There were no comments, no questions, no strange looks, nothing at all.

I have to admit that part of me became very defensive. I found myself thinking, "Why would they?" The reality is that the main reason I am not fully out of the closet is because I want to protect my children from any possible consequences or comments. I am incredibly protective of them, so the fear of something happening to them was overwhelming.

Maybe one day someone will say something, and maybe they won't. But on this occasion there were no questions about the earrings, no comments about how I was dressed, and no reactions at all. Or maybe there is but not in public...who knows.

What's funny is that, in a way, that was almost frustrating—not because anything happened, but because nothing happened. The complete lack of reaction from the community challenged many of the fears I had built up in my mind.

It was a very scary experience for me, especially because of how protective I am of my kids. At the same time, I had felt so good throughout that week. I received compliments, I felt great, and honestly, I completely forgot I was even wearing the earrings. They just felt natural. I looked nice, I felt good, and I simply went about my day.

Anyway, I wanted to share this story with you because it was a very stressful moment for me.
So, here's one more story to add to the collection.

Thank you, loves. Have a lovely day. 🩷

[Lori Dee ✅]

Thanks for sharing this.

The worry is real and hell while you are in it. But then, looking back, we realize that 90% of the things we worry about never happen.

I am glad there was no visible reaction, and maybe they just don't care. Many people are accepting in a one-on-one situation. It seems like the bullies come out only to impress the group they are in.

Just keep being you. That is the most honest way forward.

Hugs!

[Stottie Girl]

Looking at your avatar Anne, I had no idea you weren't already fully transitioned!

I can see that that could be a scary experience for you but I am glad it was such a non event in other peoples eyes. A lot of men wear earings these days without being trans. I suppose it depends on the earings of course. Many people on here have told me that the reality is, most people are far to engrossed in their own lives to be caring or noticing what we look like. I think it is a far bigger issue in our minds than it is in real life. It does not make it any less scary of course!

I'm not sure if your intention is to transition fully eventually or whether you are content to leave the status quo as it is. But I would look on it as a first successful baby step towards showing the world the real you.

As I am able to work from home most of the time I am getting to spend more and more of time as Sarah and it makes me feel so very happy. I know the joy you are experiencing at home while everyone is out, it is very special.

[NikkiM]

So many of them, one was my legal name and gender change on my birth certificate to Nikki Michelle and female during my transition. I knew that unhappy person was gone not coming back ever again. Best one was meeting my husband, he shown me that he will always love me no matter what

[Anne_lifetrip]

Hello girls, thank you all soo much for your words.
I totally agree and it feels horrible, and after that I believe I am stronger now.

The worry is real and hell while you are in it.

Wow, thank you @Stottie Girl ☺️. I have to say that it is my best picture ever.

Looking at your avatar Anne, I had no idea you weren't already fully transitioned!

My hair nowadays is a bit longer as I and letting it grow...just a little more and a little more 🤭.
I am still not able to get my face so nice...I had some (professional) help for that.

That was on a trip I did to dive, when I am alone and able to be full time Anne. Those moments really make me really happy for being me, but I also get the feeling of selfishness for only thinking about me. I have always been there for everyone and trying my best, so I am still fighting to make ME happy and not feel guilty for that.

Answering...

I'm not sure if your intention is to transition fully eventually or whether you are content to leave the status quo as it is.

My goal is to fully transition. I am completely certain that I will not die as I am now.

I am trying me best to do damage control and let my kids grow in a happy place, where I can be a reference for them. They are learning tolerance to people, acceptance of those that are different and many other values that I hope will help them in the future.

Once they grow...I am completely blooming.
As I have some time (lets go for 8 years more or less) I have been in therapy, started low dose of HRT, but my body is really receptive and my breasts started growing rapidly (even on low dose) so I have stopped for the moment. There is no hair from my chin to my toes, but for the arms a little bit (they would not let me take the hair from the arms or my beard off at home)...but that is all the hair I have left. I already have requested prices for the procedures I am looking forward to undergo, being one of the first ones the gender reassignment surgery...my dysphoria is focused there and it gets worse by the day. So, I am saving bit by bit to be able to pay for it once the moment comes.

I already know all the procedures for this

one was my legal name and gender change on my birth certificate

..just waiting for the moment to go and do it.

And this is why I hace this Nick Name...Anne's Lifetrip...it is the trip of my life.

One of my pending things is to come out as a transwoman in controlled social spaces (my therapist also recommended it and I agree), but as I have shared in other posts, I am not being lucky in that sense. This is a very sad chapter for me because I have not found...the right person?, place?...I don't know...but other that in here I haven't found a social life as Anne...which is why I am so grateful for Susan's Place 🥰🩷.

I am happy living as Anne in my trips, but I live in as an individual (hope I am explaining it correctly). Still trying to have a social life with whom to share all the things we talk about here, but in person.

OMG...what a post...🫣.

Thank you very, very much.

Big hugs 🩷

[Stottie Girl]

I am very receptive to estrogen also, the changes I have had while remaining in the closet did take me by surprise. I had no idea my breast growth would be so significant. DD cup bra and they are still growing, in fact I think I might need to size up again soon. It is a tricky thing to manage once they really get going. As you have kids I can totally understand why you felt the need to put on the brakes. For me I have no children so it does make things easier, I also live in a colder part of the world so it is easier to wear thick baggy clothing.

I was never very hairy either. No hair on chest and back thighs just very small and fine and so on. I've nearly got enough money saved up to do an intense 6 month block of electrolysis to get rid of the facial hair. after that it should not need to be so intense.

I have found Susans to be a lifeline also. I do not have anyone locally I can talk to about all this and it sounds like you are the same. It can be very lonely at times taking all the burdon ourselves.

[Ciara]

I looked nice, I felt good, and I simply went about my day.

Anne,
This line really struck me.......Isn't this simply what all of us girls want ❤️.

[Anne_lifetrip]

I have to agreee...a couple of posts prior to this one I really made a BIG THANK YOU to Susans place...it is a lifeline and I am very, very grateful

I have found Susans to be a lifeline

.

As for my transition,

I was never very hairy

I was very, very hairy. I have had an average of 12 sessions to be 90% off hair. I started waxing my whole body in 2004 after having cut myself with razors and burnt the skin with the creams. And it was not easy, because very few places would do complete hair removal to men. Then I found the first IPLs that arrived, I was single and in a good position, so started it around 2006. Until now, where I am going every 4-6 months to finish off and be completely hair free.

As for hormones, my feeling is sweet sour. It was sweet because ever since the begining I felt good. I live way happier with low testosterone levels and softer skin and sooo many things. I just feel good...and so does my body which is very receptive. I am really looking on starting back, I have to admit that HRT does make me feel good, really good with myself. The sour part is that I can't keep it up for the moment.

So...continuing with the trip 💌

[Anne_lifetrip]

Yes,

Isn't this simply what all of us girls want ❤️.

, yes and of course yes...but when not fully out of the closet and with kids in between, I have my concerns, for them.

Paradoxically, the more I am Anne the more I am getting ready to face being "caught" as myself and facing it with less and less anxiety.

So, I wanted to reply separately because there has been a result of this

I spoke with my daughter's teacher.

.
Ever since we spoke to each other, there has been a change. When she replies to my messages, she uses the she / her pronouns and feminine gender when addressing me. 🥰☺️

That is soo good.

Now, in hind sight (time is so wise) I remembered that the computer teacher is one of us, a transwoman.
She is lovely and has been in the school for the past 3 years.

My kids just treat her as their teacher...which is simply great. I am so proud of them ☺️

So, I guess I have to keep working on my fears and enjoying the good things in life.

[Stottie Girl]

I have to agreee...a couple of posts prior to this one I really made a BIG THANK YOU to Susans place...it is a lifeline and I am very, very grateful .

As for my transition,  I was very, very hairy. I have had an average of 12 sessions to be 90% off hair. I started waxing my whole body in 2004 after having cut myself with razors and burnt the skin with the creams. And it was not easy, because very few places would do complete hair removal to men. Then I found the first IPLs that arrived, I was single and in a good position, so started it around 2006. Until now, where I am going every 4-6 months to finish off and be completely hair free.

As for hormones, my feeling is sweet sour. It was sweet because ever since the begining I felt good. I live way happier with low testosterone levels and softer skin and sooo many things. I just feel good...and so does my body which is very receptive. I am really looking on starting back, I have to admit that HRT does make me feel good, really good with myself. The sour part is that I can't keep it up for the moment.

So...continuing with the trip 💌

Oh that is harsh, to experience what it was like and then have to stop. I have had to stop start in the past due to financial reasons and each time I stopped it was awful so I feel your pain.

Hopefully once your child has grown up you might be able to start up again.

[Ciara]

...but when not fully out of the closet and with kids in between, I have my concerns, 

Yes Anne,
We are in similar places. I too am in the closet with kids (and grandkids) in between that we must have concerns for.
I fully understand ❤️.

Ciara.

[Anne_lifetrip]

I think I have not said it, but I work as a university professor and right now I am closing this term and preparing for next year.
While preparing the material and tinking about new studies that could be offered I realized the amount of knowledge that inadvertently, we, trans people (trans masc and trans fem), have to acquire and what started as a small list of: social norms, psychology, clothing, sociology, anatomy and physiology, hormones, law...I was amazed by all the different areas on which we have to get some knowledge up to professional levels.

So I talked with my AI colleagues (claudia, chati...) and we designed a 4 year course

"Bachelor of Science in Transgender Studies and Gender Diversity"

which came out like this:

Programme Overview

This interdisciplinary programme aims to provide students with a comprehensive understanding of transgender identities and gender diversity from biological, psychological, medical, social, legal, historical, and ethical perspectives. Rather than approaching transgender experiences from a single discipline, the curriculum integrates evidence from the health sciences, social sciences, humanities, and public policy to prepare graduates for research, healthcare, education, advocacy, and public administration.

Year 1 – Foundations of Human Biology, Psychology and Society
The first year introduces the biological, psychological, and social foundations necessary to understand human diversity.

Semester 1
Human Anatomy
Provides a detailed understanding of the structure of the human body, forming the basis for later study of medical transition and surgical procedures.

General Physiology
Introduces the functioning of major organ systems and the physiological mechanisms that maintain human health.

Introduction to Psychology
Explores fundamental theories of human cognition, emotion, learning, and behaviour, establishing the psychological foundations of identity development.

General Sociology
Examines how societies are organized and how social norms, institutions, and inequalities influence individual lives.

Cultural Anthropology
Introduces the diversity of human cultures and explores how concepts of sex, gender, and identity vary across societies and historical periods.

Scientific Methodology
Develops critical thinking and introduces students to scientific reasoning, research design, and evidence evaluation.

Semester 2
Human Developmental Biology
Studies embryonic and fetal development, including sexual differentiation and developmental processes relevant to biological sex.

Human Genetics
Introduces genetic mechanisms influencing human development and explores current knowledge regarding sex development and biological variation.

Basic Endocrinology
Explains hormonal regulation throughout life and provides the physiological basis for understanding gender-affirming hormone therapy.

Developmental Psychology
Examines cognitive, emotional, and social development across the lifespan, including identity formation.

History of Sex and Gender
Explores historical perspectives on sex, gender, and sexuality across civilizations and scientific traditions.

Statistics for Social and Health Sciences
Provides quantitative methods necessary to interpret scientific literature and conduct empirical research.

Year 2 – Understanding Gender Identity
The second year focuses on the development of identity and the interaction between biological, psychological, and social influences.

Semester 1
Behavioural Neuroscience
Introduces the neural mechanisms underlying behaviour, cognition, emotion, and self-perception.

Personality Psychology
Examines theories explaining individual differences in personality and psychological functioning.

Social Psychology
Studies how individuals influence and are influenced by social environments, prejudice, stereotypes, and group dynamics.

Gender Theory
Reviews major theoretical frameworks concerning gender identity, gender roles, and gender expression.

Sexual and Gender Diversity
Examines the diversity of sexual orientations, gender identities, and gender expressions across cultures.

Interpersonal Communication
Develops communication skills essential for clinical practice, education, counselling, and interdisciplinary teamwork.

Semester 2
Attachment and Human Relationships
Explores attachment theory and its role in emotional development, resilience, and interpersonal functioning.

Identity Development Across the Lifespan
Examines psychological models describing identity formation from childhood through older adulthood.

Human Sexuality
Provides a multidisciplinary understanding of sexuality, sexual health, intimacy, and reproductive behaviour.

Hormones and Behaviour
Explores current scientific evidence regarding endocrine influences on cognition, mood, behaviour, and development.

History of the Transgender Movement
Examines the historical development of transgender communities, activism, healthcare, and legal recognition worldwide.

Qualitative Research Methods
Introduces interviews, focus groups, ethnography, and thematic analysis to investigate lived experiences.

Year 3 – Comprehensive Care and Professional Practice
Students integrate scientific knowledge with healthcare, ethics, law, and public services.

Semester 1
Clinical Psychology
Introduces assessment and evidence-based psychological interventions relevant to diverse populations.

Gender Dysphoria: Historical and Clinical Perspectives
Reviews the evolution of diagnostic concepts, current clinical approaches, and ongoing scientific debates surrounding gender dysphoria.

Mental Health and Gender Diversity
Examines mental health outcomes, resilience, minority stress, and evidence-based psychological support.

Health Law
Introduces legal frameworks governing healthcare, informed consent, patient autonomy, and access to services.

Bioethics
Develops ethical reasoning related to autonomy, beneficence, justice, informed consent, and clinical decision-making.

Clinical Communication
Strengthens communication skills for healthcare encounters involving sensitive and complex issues.

Semester 2
Gender-Affirming Hormone Therapy
Studies the pharmacology, physiology, indications, benefits, limitations, and monitoring of hormonal interventions.

Gender-Affirming Surgery
Introduces the anatomical principles, surgical techniques, outcomes, risks, and postoperative care associated with gender-affirming procedures.

Reproductive Medicine and Fertility Preservation
Examines reproductive options, fertility counselling, and ethical considerations before medical transition.

Social Work and Community Support
Explores multidisciplinary approaches to social inclusion, housing, employment, and community resources.

Inclusive Education
Examines strategies for creating educational environments that respect diversity while promoting equal opportunities.

Public Health and Gender Diversity
Studies health disparities, epidemiology, prevention strategies, and healthcare policy affecting transgender populations.

Year 4 – Advanced Studies and Professional Integration
The final year emphasizes leadership, research, policy development, and professional practice.

Semester 1
Public Policy and Gender Diversity
Examines how governments design and evaluate policies affecting transgender individuals and gender-diverse communities.

Human Rights and International Law
Studies international legal frameworks protecting dignity, equality, and freedom from discrimination.

Transgender Children and Adolescents
Reviews developmental considerations, family support, educational contexts, and current models of care for young people.

Aging and Transgender Health
Explores healthcare, psychosocial needs, and long-term wellbeing among older transgender adults.

Advanced Research Methods
Develops advanced competencies in research design, systematic reviews, mixed methods, and critical appraisal.

Case Management
Trains students to coordinate multidisciplinary care across healthcare, education, and social services.

Semester 2
Clinical Placement
Provides supervised experience within multidisciplinary healthcare services caring for transgender individuals.

Community Placement
Allows students to work with NGOs, advocacy organizations, educational institutions, or public agencies.

International Seminar in Gender Diversity
Examines international perspectives through guest lectures, comparative policy analysis, and current research.

Research Project
Requires students to conduct an original research study addressing a relevant scientific or societal question.

Bachelor's Thesis
Integrates knowledge acquired throughout the programme into an independent scholarly dissertation.

Elective Courses
Students may specialize through electives such as:

• Psychiatry and Gender Diversity
• Aesthetics and clothing
• Body Image and Identity
• Advanced Neuroendocrinology
• Philosophy of the Body
• Medical Ethics
• Sports and Gender
• Violence, Discrimination and Minority Stress
• Digital Communities and Gender Identity
• Global Health and Gender Diversity
• Media Representation of Gender
• Cross-Cultural Perspectives on Gender
• Artificial Intelligence in Gender Health Research
• Graduate Competencies

Upon completion of the programme, graduates will be able to:

Understand the biological mechanisms underlying human sexual development.
Critically evaluate scientific evidence concerning gender identity and gender diversity.
Apply psychological theories to identity development and mental wellbeing.
Understand endocrine and medical aspects of gender-affirming care.
Analyze the social, cultural, legal, and ethical dimensions of transgender experiences.
Design and conduct interdisciplinary research.
Communicate effectively across healthcare, educational, and policy settings.
Promote evidence-based, ethical, and person-centred approaches to gender diversity.

I believe that many of these subjects are being dealt in different posts at Susans place...
Who said being transgender is easy?...

What do you think?, is there anything else we (I also give credit to my AI companions ) have forgotten?

Love to you all brave trans colleagues 💜🌈

[Anne_lifetrip]

I admit that it is very much academically driven, but the idea is there...the amount of knowledge, abilities and competences that we have to master.

It takes a lot of trial and error and some mistakes are paid heavily...like coming out in the wrong moment or wrong place, or not coming out at all.

Anyway, I will get back to my activity.

Your comments are welcome.

Have a lovely tuesday 👩🏼🎓

[Finally Anna]

I am not experienced enough to even pretend I can provide some wisdom other than what you already wrote.
But a few questions of general kind come to mind: Is it doable to get financing for providing such a course? And, is there interest (enough) in the student domain, to fill a course?

[NicoleBamdad]

the best day of my life was 1 month ago when i became the person i was meant to be not the person i was born to be

my transtion started wehen i was 46 i was on hrt for about 6 months started to grow breasts get the female body shape and then when i turned 47 i got my sexual reassignment surgery which made me feel like my life was complete

as a boy i always identify as a girl i would paint my toenails and my nails wear bra and panties skirts thigh highs pantyhose i would dfress up as a girlany chance i could get now thaqt i am a girl i feel like the part of my nlife when i was born a boy is over and that my nw life as a girl is starting

i just had breast surgery to make my breasts bigger i am now 44dd breats does anyone have any advice and what bra and panty sets are good for post op trans women and maybe someone can give me advice on how trans people have intimate realtionships with others and not get judge

[tammy753]

I find the small things the most satisfying. Just being called Ma'am and I was at a drive through and I heard this guy tell his coworker "She always gets Root Beer no ice". It truly is the small things in life that keeps me going. I don't pass often but when I do it makes my day. I think is the casual acceptance that makes life better.

[Anne_lifetrip]

I am not experienced enough to even pretend I can provide some wisdom other than what you already wrote.

Unfortunately I don't even think that is possible. A one year MSc could be...but even academics are not interested in the LGTBQ community. To be honest, just now research focused on women is starting. So, asking for the academia and research communities to study in depth trans people is complicated and a minority.
I have a colleague that studied the use and impact of medicines on trans people as compared to cis and created a series of recommendations. She doesn't like to talk much about it and avoids that subject. She prefers other lines of study...it is as if she was tainted for that study.

This was just an exercise I did to show all the things that we, as trans people, have to learn, experience, master.

We make great, enormous, or even titanic efforts to became who we really are, and for that we have to learn lots of areas. My intention was to show that we learn so many things that could very easily be part of a complete 4 year bachelor.

Although we all know that this is not a 4 year thing...this is a lifetime learning curve.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I find the small things the most satisfying. Just being called Ma'am and I was at a drive through and I heard this guy tell his coworker "She always gets Root Beer no ice". It truly is the small things in life that keeps me going. I don't pass often but when I do it makes my day. I think is the casual acceptance that makes life better.

Makes me so gutted to be in the UK as never get that experience of being gendered correctly. In UK you just get "hi" or in a group "guys" for male or female groups.  Its such a missed joy.

In medical settings occasionally do, but they have my notes so know my name and gender!