Every journey begins with a single misstep.
In 2017, I confided in a colleague (my classmate at the hypnotherapy college) about some issues I was having. He suggested I talk to a therapist in face-to-face sessions. I did, and after a few sessions, she referred me to a psychologist. The psychologist diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria. I disagreed with him, but continued in therapy to understand why he would think that about me. As we dug deep into my past: thoughts, behaviors, activities, feelings, I began to see what he saw.
In 2019, there was a misstep. I had been gold panning in a deep, narrow canyon filled with large boulders. It started to rain, so I packed up and headed to the parking area, located up a cliff. The rocks became wet and slippery, and I fell. I thought I was okay until I got home. I had reinjured my back (an old Army injury) and had landed on my elbow, injuring it. The pain convinced me to get in to see my doctor.
My doctor ordered some X-rays and an EMG test to check for nerve damage. The results led to surgery and a lot of intense physical therapy. The cost of therapy on my back and my elbow was more than I could bear. I stopped seeing the psychologist to save some money. I went to the VA to see if they could take over my physical therapy at low or no cost. They agreed.
During the updating of my medical records, I told them I had been seeing a psychologist. The VA offered to cover that as well. I was told that as a disabled veteran, my medical would be provided at no cost (except a co-pay for meds). I agreed.
The psychologist did his own investigation into my mind without referring to any notes from my previous psychologist. He came to the same conclusion: Gender Dysphoria. He explained what that was and what it meant for me. I had heard this before and began to really take a hard look at my life to decide what actions I might need to take. I decided that if this is who I am, then so be it. I might as well embrace it.
On this day, six years ago, at age 62 (11 JAN 2020), I took my first hormone pills.
At first, I didn't notice anything different. By the end of the week, I realized that I was smiling more, and I didn't feel moody or depressed. By the time my 30-day checkup arrived, I knew that this was the right direction for me. There was no way that wild horses could drag me back to being the "crotchety Old Geezer" that my best friend had nicknamed me. She was supportive and later remarked that she liked the new me. Now, we jokingly call each other "Geezette" even though she is ten years younger than I.
It has been my life experience that the Universe will guide you if you let it. Within each of us is the Divine Spark of the Holy Spirit. It is infinitely wise and knows what is best for us. It will guide us by opening doors to opportunities and placing roadblocks where we shouldn't tread. The choice remains ours to make, regardless. The decisions are not always clear, nor easy to make.
"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." ― Richard Bach
