Hello All. My apologies for taking so long to reply to your responses. Keeping up with life and work keeps me pretty busy.
@Lori Dee Yes, In the years I have known Amy, I have learned how difficult change is for her. She craves stability, and the security of knowing what tomorrow is bringing. It does leave me feeling a rather generous helping of guilt for causing her so much anxiety. Unfortunately, it's not something I could keep hiding. Right now, she's so unsure of everything. It's going to be a bit of a process but, eventually she'll be able to see that I'm the same person no matter what shape I take. I know a lot of her anxiety comes from what she is "expecting to see" as far as physical changes and how fast she is expecting them to occur. She's working through the "different equals danger" and trying to recognize that different is just different, not a threat. I also think it's hard for someone that hasn't experienced the dysphoria, to really comprehend that the person that they know, the personality, the mannerisms, the inappropriate jokes, likes, dislikes, that person exists within the physical body, but isn't defined by the body.
@Gina P Thank you for the warm welcome. I was hesitant to register here and open up about myself. So many false starts and being too scared to even admit out loud, let alone put it in writing for the world to read, who I truly am. I've made good progress, but I can see there is a long journey ahead of me. I look forward to catching up reading through your blog and the other members that have all been truly supportive and welcoming to someone that has felt like an outcast most of her life. I do look forward to interacting with you in the future. Gotta say, I've traveled through West Virginia, It's a beautiful state.
@Pema It was the actual prescription I was given. They had to run it through my insurance for prior approval. That slowed it down a day or two. But, they had it in the mail Thursday, and I had it in my hands on Friday. I took my first dose of Spiro and injected the first dose of Estrogen on Saturday.
@Susan It was a moment I'm not likely to soon forget. Feeling such a sense of relief that I could finally start moving toward aligning myself physically to who I am, while at the same time, trying to hide any joy and feeling guilt over seeing the tears welling up in Amy's eyes. I'll admit that I've been checking in on Amy's thread. I wanted to be sure I was doing everything I needed to do to be able to support her in any way she was needing. I've also learned a lot myself from the conversations. She's also had me go in and print off several posts so she would have a copy she could pull out and read for reference. I've encouraged her to read through my postings as it may give her a deeper understanding and answer questions she may have. I know she's had quite a traumatic past and this is not at all easy for her to navigate. I continue to be absolutely amazed at her depth of compassion and the courage she shows to keep showing up. It would be so much easier for her to just turn and walk away, even if it was only to save herself from such heartache. She is truly a gift from above and this would be so much harder without her by my side. I'm truly humbled that she's so willing to stick with me through this.
@VictoriasSecret Yeah, you do need to be able to love yourself. I think that's what ultimately led me to finally do something. I do have regrets that I waited so long. All those years wasted, spent on being someone that I was hiding behind. Well, what's done is done, as they say. I'm certainly expecting that this isn't going to be a walk in the park. With each step I do take, my courage to take the next step grows. I must echo your sentiments that this truly is an amazing group of people who give an incredible amount of support. I wish I could say that I had plans mapped out. I'm honestly still kind of in disbelief that I've made it this far. I don't really know what the next step is yet. I will definitely keep posting updates to my story.
My deepest thanks to all of you for your kind words of support and advice.
