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Female friendships.

Started by CosmicJoke, October 16, 2025, 07:07:49 PM

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CosmicJoke

Hi everyone. I'm just curious if anyone else knows what I'm talking about? Have you noticed an increase in female friendships since you transitioned to one? Or you gain more respect from other females when you transitioned to one?

I have noticed this in some cases. I think I gained more female friendships than I did male. I think the reason for this is possibly because there's sort of a shared struggle/understanding that women have with other women?

This is just my experience but anyone else is welcome to share their's.

Sephirah

Quote from: CosmicJoke on October 16, 2025, 07:07:49 PMHi everyone. I'm just curious if anyone else knows what I'm talking about? Have you noticed an increase in female friendships since you transitioned to one? Or you gain more respect from other females when you transitioned to one?

I have noticed this in some cases. I think I gained more female friendships than I did male. I think the reason for this is possibly because there's sort of a shared struggle/understanding that women have with other women?

This is just my experience but anyone else is welcome to share their's.

There is probably a lot of reasons for this, hon.

When people accept themselves in this way, then they don't see themselves in the same way they did before. For a lot of "guys"... friendships with women were a means to an end, not an end in itself. You're just being you. And it's like ripples in a pond. Once you accept who you are, it radiates to the world around you. You don't have the same kind of "vibe" that you did. And I know that's a very hippie way to describe it, but I don't know how to describe it any other way, lol.

Some people go uber masculine to try and shove down how they feel. To overcompensate, I guess. All the way. Full Arnie, tattoos, gigachad philosophy. And people pick up on it. It doesn't make anyone happy. Once you get past that, you can start to just explore who you really are.

And because of that... there's a vibe you give off that people pick up on. Different to what you used to. Because who we are comes from within and exudes outwards. Sometimes however much we try to hide it, we're not very good at it. This applies equally to trans guys, and non-binary folks. When you are just yourself... yeah maybe opposites attract, but like can understand like. Once you shed the stuff that you are fighting to keep as a mask. I know a guy who used to come across as a tomboy, before he found himself. It changed the dynamic. It always does. If people get it.
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3

Lori Dee

I have always had more female friends than male. Partly due to them starting as my wife's friends, but I was always included in the group.

As Sephirah noted, I was just being myself, no agenda. There were many times when I was invited out with the girls, and this was pre-transition. They often told me that I was welcome because I was "one of the girls". Interestingly, their husbands didn't mind. I think because they knew I was not a threat and would not be hitting on their wives. One of them said he was glad I was with them "to look after them" in case there was trouble.

Now, the situation is the same. I have more female friends than male friends, and I have been single for almost ten years. I think it is partly, as Sephirah said, the sexual energy or innuendo is absent, where in many male/female relationships it is quite apparent. Without a sexual dynamic, people just relax and enjoy each other's company. And as an asexual, I think they sense that I am not putting out that "vibe".

@CosmicJoke
@Sephirah
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Sephirah

Yeah that's kind of the thing Lori. A lot of guys don't even notice it, but it's as much a thing for girls as for guys. When there's that dynamic. If someone perceives you as a guy, as a girl, then a lot of the time there will be that undertone. Not always, but often. It's largely why girls can pick up on gay guys even if they haven't come out. Because people just have a vibe. Call it subconscious body language or whatever you want. Attitude. Things we don't immediately pick up on.

Trans folks tend to fit in with people of their own gender because people pick up on it. Even if you don't. There was some statistic thrown around somewhere that like 80% of who we are isn't expressed by what we say. I'd say that's a bit of an understatement, but people around us can pick up on it. Even if they don't know they're picking up on it. I do rather like the idea of most of what we say not being verbal.

It doesn't surprise me about you, Lori, honestly. I am pretty good at getting vibes off people. Maybe it's through being here so long. I can tell when people are hiding something, or when they aren't. You are one of the most genuine people I've ever met. You are positively effervescent in how bubbly and real you are. You are someone who has had a lifetime to find out what happiness means and how it relates to who you are. I kind of suspect you're one of the people in the world who wears how you feel on your chest and is very bad when it comes to trying to fool people about it.

It's what makes you so valuable. What you see is what you get. Love you or don't, it's for real. And I think you've had to work at that, hon. It radiates off you. This is kind of the point. You attract people who get you for you. Those who don't... doesn't matter. :)
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3

SoupSarah

There's an old saying "if you want friends, be friendly".. I guess that's the "vibe" that's being talked about. When you're at peace with yourself internally people notice.

There is one aspect that had made me go hmmm.. As a male I managed a lot of people, I was fairly successful at this. People, on the whole, liked working for me. Though, for some, it took them time to "get used to me".. I strongly believe that this was because they perceived a man in power as threatening and here was I, this small, slightly  effeminate person.. Still driven but empathic as opposed to aggressive.. As a management style it works but, as many of my bosses pointed out, it was unusual.. That is unless you realize I was a female..
You see now, I managed people very similar to how I used to, now though, it seems to make sense to people sooner. They tend to expect this type of style from a female manger. To this end I feel I actually connect better and quicker with my employees and not one boss has mentioned my unusual management style?
Gender is a funny concept, both internally and externally.

However,  there is a closeness between women that isn't there in male contacts.  I personally feel safer talking to a female stranger than a male.. As a woman, I'm aware that some, a small percentage of men, could pose a threat to me, so I'm very very slightly more wary and conservative in my interactions at first. This doesn't exist for females and as such in more open, and those interactions are more open. I think that's just a product of evolution. It's certainly not some sort of secret women's only club, it's just self preservation. That said when a guy starts up and flirts with you, I mean wow, that's the best feeling in the world. I don't court such interactions as I'm happily married, but when some dude turns around, looks at you and goes "wow" you can't help but feel special for that micro second. I like being a woman! Lol
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough

Please Note: Everything I write is my own opinion - People seem to get confused  over this

Sephirah

Quote from: SoupSarah on October 19, 2025, 04:41:25 PMThat said when a guy starts up and flirts with you, I mean wow, that's the best feeling in the world. I don't court such interactions as I'm happily married, but when some dude turns around, looks at you and goes "wow" you can't help but feel special for that micro second. I like being a woman! Lol

I think that probably goes for anyone trying to flirt with anyone, lol. Which is likely another product of evolution. ;D

You raise an interesting point though, Sarah. The idea of being aggressive or ruthless, instead of empathic and... well... the "heads" sign of the coin is understanding. The "tails" side might be manipulative. I suspect these are traits attributed to men or women rather than necessarily practiced by them. I know plenty of aggressive women. Some downright scary. The converse is true for some guys I know. But the point is... other people see it as unsettling. Maybe not so much these days, though. Which I think might be an issue of perception rather than reality.
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3

Charlotte_Ringwood

I have only really had female friendships since being an adult and always settled into female groups like at parties or work dos. I don't really connect well with men in a social way and a lot of it doesn't make sense to me.

I have noticed though that my general interactions with women like casual chatting, meetings at work etc have become much closer since transitioning. I feel like I'm in the inner circle, being invited into deeper details of womanhood if that makes sense. It feels very nice.

As a side note my very first friends ever were all girls. It was seen as very strange that I was playing with girls by most people around me!
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Alana Ashleigh

I haven't experienced this myself since I'm
still presenting as male. The one thing I've really noticed is women have become much friendlier to me. I don't know if they pickup my feminine energy, but it was like a switch flipped one day, and they started being very friendly with me.
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Lori Dee

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 29, 2025, 08:06:11 PMI haven't experienced this myself since I'm
still presenting as male. The one thing I've really noticed is women have become much friendlier to me. I don't know if they pickup my feminine energy, but it was like a switch flipped one day, and they started being very friendly with me.

They sense how you see yourself. When we have an image of who we are in our mind, we tend to behave in that manner, speak in that manner, and project that image through our expression. If you ever want to see this in action, watch children playing. They have great imagination. In an instant, they can become a pirate, with all the speech, gestures, and mannerisms of a pirate. The same as when they play Cops and Robbers, or whatever. They are very convincing actors because they have such great imaginations.

We do the same thing, but not to the same extreme, and we are not always aware that we are doing it. The subconscious mind is rapidly firing subtle clues, and their subconscious minds are receiving them. They may not even be aware that they are doing anything. They just sense that you are ok and maybe even be one of them, so they relax around you.
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete

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Lilis

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 29, 2025, 08:58:48 PMThey sense how you see yourself. When we have an image of who we are in our mind, we tend to behave in that manner, speak in that manner, and project that image through our expression.

This is beginning to make sense.

I was talking with my therapist the other day about something he calls "nonverbal congruence", which is when your inner self-image matches your outer presentation, and social interactions begin to flow more naturally.

Lately, I've been exploring this, and it feels like my energy introduces me before I even speak.

I'm also learning, as Lauren always reminds me, that true beauty and connection come from expression, not impression.

The more I express who I am, and not who I think others want to see, the more aligned I feel, both inside and with those around me.

In my opinion, I think gender expression isn't talked about nearly enough and it should be.

Thank you so much for this peace, Lori. 🩷


~ Lilis 🌷
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Alana Ashleigh

Quote from: Lilis on October 29, 2025, 10:38:02 PMI was talking with my therapist the other day about something he calls "nonverbal congruence", which is when your inner self-image matches your outer presentation, and social interactions begin to flow more naturally.



~ Lilis 🌷

This is something I'm slowly starting to notice I do w/o thinking about it.
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Feminine journey started summer May 2020
GD diagnosed July 2024
Social transitioning 2024-present
Started HRT, & my womanhood 5-12-25
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Northern Star Girl

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 30, 2025, 09:28:08 PMThis is something I'm slowly starting to notice I do w/o thinking about it.

@Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:
Yes indeed, when social interactions as the woman you start
flowing naturally... you have arrived !!!

Thank you for sharing your positive and affirming news regarding
your journey into womanhood.
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HUGS, Danielle
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