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Coming Out as Myself

Started by jerielizabeth1973, Today at 06:52:33 AM

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jerielizabeth1973

Hi everyone,

I've reached a point in my journey where I need support from people who truly understand what it means to carry this weight for decades. I'm preparing to come out to my immediate and extended family between now and January 1, and I could really use your guidance and encouragement.

I'm a married transfeminine person in my 50s, living deep in the conservative Southern Baptist world. My wife has known about my gender struggles for almost our entire marriage (roughly 3 decades), and she knows I've wanted to transition before. But outside of her, no one else — not my adult sons, not my extended family, not my church community — has any idea.

For them, this won't be a clarification.
It will be a shock.

I know many of you have walked paths like this, and that's why I'm here. I'm scared of losing relationships, community, reputation... honestly, my whole life as I've known it. But I also know that hiding myself has reached its limit. I'm tired of living in fragments.
I'm tired of disappearing parts of myself just to keep other people comfortable.

I want to live authentically and stop surviving in half-shadow.
I want to be able to breathe.
I want to be whole.

My plan is to begin honest conversations with my immediate family soon, and then gradually extend out to others before the new year, as I prepare for a more open life in 2026.

If you've come out to family who had no idea...
If you've lived in conservative faith communities...
If you had to leave behind an old version of yourself to step into the truth...
I would really love to hear from you.

What helped you stay grounded?
What would you do differently?
How did you protect your heart?
And how did you keep moving forward when fear tried to pull you back?

Thank you for being a place where people like us can finally speak openly.
I'm grateful for any wisdom or support you can share as I take these next steps.

— Jeri(she/her)

Charlotte_Ringwood

Hey Jeri,
So glad that you have found the motivation and courage to follow your true self and come out.

I'd love to be able to help from a perspective considering your situation, but mine was very different as I have a very liberal family and work place.

However I can say the following. You never know how people will take something until you tell them. Often if they like and respect you they'll support you even if traditionally they wouldn't be supportive of a transgender person. So please keep an open mind but be prepared for any reaction. This could be shutting off. My mum is fine with me being trans, but shut off initially as couldn't process it.

In line with this some people may need time before discussing further. Having good information sources to offer on transgender issues would be advisable to avoid accessing biased information.

It's scary but you're strong for sure. Just try to prepare for all reactions without assuming and worrying which might happen as people often surprise.

Good luck!

Charlotte 😻
HRT: since April 2025 DIY
Furry crew: old Raveronomy, Skittles, Serana, Cupcake and Creamy
House music producer.
Design Engineer.

Susan

Dear Jeri,

Welcome to Susan's Place.

Thirty years. You've carried this for three decades—through marriage, raising sons, building a life inside a community that would never have made room for your truth. That's not weakness. That's endurance. And now you've reached the point where endurance isn't enough. You need to breathe. You need to be whole.

I won't tell you this will be easy. I'll tell you the truth: prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

The moment before you speak feels like a bowling ball sitting in the pit of your stomach. That weight doesn't lift until the words are out. But when someone accepts you? It's like riding a rocket to the moon—the relief, the joy, the sudden realness of being seen. Each person you tell will be just as hard as the last. You don't build up immunity. The stakes feel just as high every time, because every relationship matters in its own way.

Know that you may lose people on your way to becoming yourself. Some won't be able to handle it immediately but may come to terms with it later. Others won't be able to handle it at all.

I know what it's like to live deep inside conservative Christianity. I grew up Southern Baptist, so I'm not speaking from the outside. I sat in those pews. I heard those sermons. I know how the guilt gets planted and how the fear takes root.

I was religious once, until I went through a crisis of faith and stopped attending church. Months later, an envelope arrived from them. I thought they were worried about me. It was a tithing envelope. I haven't been back since. That path is behind me now. But leaving the church did not mean giving up my faith. I decided I did not need anyone between myself and the divine. You don't either.

The Bible says, "Ye shall know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16). If the fruits you receive from your church are cruelty and condemnation, that tells you everything about them—and nothing true about you.

There's a verse from the Gospel of Thomas I've always loved: "I am the light that is over all things. I am all: from me all came forth, and to me all attained. Split a piece of wood; I am there. Lift up the stone, and you will find me there." The divine is in you and part of you. You do not need a church or a pastor to intercede on your behalf. You have a direct line.

When you deny the path God set you on, you feel spiritual conflict. That inner turmoil, that sense of being at war with yourself—that's not conviction of sin. That's the friction of living against your own truth.

But when you step onto the path you were meant to walk, you feel spiritual peace. That's God telling you this is right. The peace you feel when you imagine finally living as yourself isn't temptation. It's alignment. It's the divine saying yes. The conflict you've felt for thirty years wasn't God punishing you. It was the cost of hiding what God made you to be.

Trans people are not made by man. We are made by biology—or if you believe, by the divine. If God creates each person, then God created you as you are. Being trans is not defiance of God's will. It is God's design. Forcing yourself to pretend otherwise—that defies the divine.

Something that helped a dear friend of mine: separate the concept of sex from gender. Sex is something you do. Gender is who you are as a person. Being trans isn't about sexuality or behavior—it's about identity. It's about finally aligning the outside with who you've always been inside.

The main thing I can suggest is to live your truth. Let others see who you really are and the purity and joy that pours into your life as a result. This is the same mission given to Christians, but sadly lost along the way.

You asked how to stay grounded. Remember: you are not asking permission. You are sharing information. You're not requesting approval to exist—you're telling people who you are. That distinction matters.

You asked how to protect your heart. Have your safe people ready before you start. Your wife already knows—lean on her. Lean on us. You will need somewhere to land after hard conversations. Not everyone will respond the way you hope. Some will surprise you with grace. Some will disappoint you. But you are not responsible for their reactions—only for your own honesty.

You asked what I would do differently. I would remind myself earlier that their discomfort is not my emergency. Their theology is not my cage. Their inability to see me says nothing about whether I exist.

You are already whole, Jeri. You have been this whole time. You're just finally letting yourself be seen.

We're here. We see you. And we're ready to walk this path with you.
— Susan 💜
Susan Larson
Founder
Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Help support this website and our community by Donating 🔗 [Link: paypal.com/paypalme/SusanElizabethLarson/] or Subscribing!

NancyDrew1930

Hi Jeri,

I'm just like you.  I was in a Baptist church while attending a Pentecostal Bible college.

However my faith has helped me to stay grounded, especially since for me, besides coming out as transgender, and experiencing things that the prophets wrote about, I have had many experiences where the only way I can describe it is how Paul described it in 2 Corinthians 12 where he wrote that he didn't know whether he was still here on earth or up in heaven in the presence of the Trinity, but because of those experiences Satan had given him a thorn in his side, and only Yahweh was able to remove it.  And I've had the same, even though I've had a number of people tell me that being transgender is a sin and that Yahweh no longer transports people to the heavenly court like He did with Paul, and Yahweh has stopped bestowing the powers that He once bestowed on the prophets on to people in today's world.  Really I've found them to be acting much like the Pharisees of Jesus's time, where they turned man's rules, that had been put into place to somehow honor God's laws (I.e. God's command to keep the sabbath Holy) into divine rules to be worshipped (I.e. don't do any work on the sabbath).

However my new Lutheran pastor pointed me to Luke 13: 10-17 this summer where Jesus was teaching in the synagogue on the sabbath, and He healed a woman that was bent over for 18 years and she could finally walk straight and upright for the first time in nearly two decades.  And what did the leader of that synagogue do?  He accused Jesus of sinning and doing work on the Sabbath when there were six other days in the week when Jesus could have healed without sinning, but Jesus (according to the Pharisee) decided to sin by healing on the Sabbath.

Then Jesus's response is funny, but practical, since He asked the Pharisee if he, the Pharisee, had taken his donkey and other animals to get water on the Sabbath, and if that was not work?  So then was the Pharisee sinning by leading his animals to water and feed on the Sabbath? 

But another thing I'm reminded of is, what is the ONE unpardonable sin that the Bible says can never be forgiven?  And it's not one of the "seven deadly sins" that the Roman Catholic Church says sends you straight to Hell.

Jesus said that the ONE unpardonable sin is:

Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven men. Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come. (Matthew 12:31-32 NKJV)

So the ONE unpardonable sin is rejecting the Holy Ghost and not accepting Jesus as your Savior.  That is far from transitioning from male to female or female to male because God created you that way.  So people can even be forgiven for Deuteronomy 22.  However Yahweh also told us through Paul:

Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, "You shall not commit adultery," "You shall not murder," "You shall not steal," "You shall not bear false witness," "You shall not covet," and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. (Romans 13:10-13 NKJV)

"...and if there is any other commandment...", obviously that is for anything outside the Ten Commandments, which would include Deuteronomy 22, so Love fulfills the law, and because of Love, we as transgendered individuals are forgiven by the love that came down at Christmas.

I am also reminded of what the author of the apocryphal'Wisdom of Solomon' wrote concerning Eunuchs:

'Blessed also is the eunuch whose hands have done no lawless deed
and who has not devised wicked things against the Lord,
for special favor will be shown him for his faithfulness
and a place of great delight in the temple of the Lord.' (Wisdom of Solomon 3:14)

Being transgendered is not something that we have devised as a wicked thing against God, for it is how we were created.  And like me, trying to suppress and hide it, was putting great stress on my life—-so much stress that with my autism it finally caused me to enter an autistic breakdown and burnout and start experiencing what was at first thought to be lupus.  However, earlier this year, just before I went fulltime, I had another 2 Corinthians 12 moment where I was pulled to heaven to stand before Yahweh, Jesus and I couldn't say I stood, for the Holy Ghost felt, to me, like I had just dived into a pool, and the Holy Ghost was hugging every part of me like water in a pool does, and the three of them as one were confirming that this was how He had created me and He had created me differently.  A few people that I have told this too have written it off as Satan "appearing as an angel of light" (but they are also the ones who also say God doesn't do any supernatural thing anymore) and I was being deceived, however, I know that for me, it was the Trinity confirming that quote from the Wisdom of Solomon.

Keep trusting and leaning on God.  And remember this carol this Christmas:

🔗





Lori Dee

Hello JeriElizabeth,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

Thank you for joining our family.

We strive to make this a safe space for you to find information and share your thoughts and comments. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

As others have said, each person reacts to your news according to their own personality. So their reaction is not a reflection on you; it is a reflection on them. I lost most of my family. My stepmother is very supportive (a devout Catholic) and has welcomed me as another daughter. My father (an atheist turned Catholic) pledges his unconditional love, but insists that I will always be his son. He does try to call me Lori.

I have two younger brothers. The oldest was a Methodist pastor and a missionary. He wronged me many decades ago, so we have not spoken aince. The other brother is a fundamentalist Christian. He and I were always close, so I tried to come out to him first. He got very angry and said that I was "an abomination in the eyes of God." I told him that I understand his feelings. He feels that way because he knows nothing about being transgender and relies upon misinformation. I also reminded him that he has no authority to speak on behalf of God. God and I have had many conversations over the years, and when I was seeking information and guidance, he pointed me right here, to Susan's Place.

The various denominations of the Christian faith may have slightly different beliefs, but they all agree on the authority of the Bible and that what matters most is in your heart. My father says he worries about my soul. I have been baptized twice, and like Susan, I am spiritual, not religious. My father reads the Bible every day. I remind him to read Galatians 3:26-29.

We have a wealth of information here. In the Member Blogs, people have shared their stories, described their experiences, and discussed how they handled them. It does not always go well, but people will surprise you. My thinking is that I am just giving them information, intimate details that I never shared with anyone before. What they do with that information is up to them, not you. My uncle, when I told him, said, "So what? I love you no matter what. I always have." If they care enough to ask questions, I do my best to answer them honestly. If they get too personal, I tell them that. The final decision is theirs to make if they want to be a part of your life or not. If they do not, do you really want them around? I don't have a place in my life for negativity. So if they choose to leave, I won't hold them back. The last words I spoke to my brother were, "I love you."

I encourage you to check out the Member Blogs and read the stories of our members. Perhaps you will find the advice you seek.

We want to get to know you. Please stop by our Introductions Forum and introduce yourself.

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~ Lori Dee
Forum Staff



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Dances With Trees

A pleasure to meet you, Jeri!

And the discussion that followed your introduction was stimulating, informative, and, most importantly, loving. With your wife at your side, I firmly believe that you are well on your way to becoming yourself in the eyes of others. For those who refuse to see you for yourself, well, sometimes you need to kick the dust off your sandals and move on. Wishing you all the best!

tgirlamg

Jerielizabeth

Hello and welcome aboard sister!

The challenges you face are all familiar ones around here!

Let's start with some good news... all fears can be faced and all challenges ahead can be successfully navigated... You are surrounded here with folks that are living proof of that... We come to a tipping point of sorts where all of our worst fears that we can conjure up about what will happen if we decide to simply "be ourself" are no longer as bad a prospect as hiding ourself any longer... The path forward is best walked with friends at your side and you are amongst friends here who have done what can, at the beginning, feel like such an impossible dream....and gone on to make glorious new lives that are finally a reflection of the soul within... As we finally express who we are...  True connections... that had always been unavailable to us are made... to ourself... to others... to life and to the world around us 🌻

It is easy to fear what we will lose without considering deeply how very much there is to be gained!..I hear in your written words though, the all important main ingredient...the underlying determination and resolution to build the life you want... intent to reach a goal is the seed from which all things grow... 🌻

This is a journey of many steps.... Gender therapist can be a great resource... Certainly beginning with telling the people closest to you, as you plan, is a fine step to take... You may be pleasantly surprised with their reactions or they may bristle at the revelations you put forward because, they need time to process and modify long held images of who you are... if that is the case, allow them the time and space to do so... Be gentle with others... and gentle with yourself!  We have to make the risky jump of being vulnerable as we speak to others but, in vulnerability is where strength truly resides...  🌻

There is a huge spiritual  aspect to all this... I believe in many ways, it is the driving force ehind what we seek...If we have never shown our true face to others... Can we even say we have ever been loved?... To love someone... you must know them and letting people know us has often been the last thing we would ever be comfortable doing... I believe transition is an attempt to place ourself at a place within our own lives where we can truly give and receive Love... What could be more spiritual than that? 💕🙏💕

You might want to check out the blog section here as you will find the stories of many and how they made their lives their own... we all have many common threads but, we all walk our own unique path to the things we need... The link to my own blog is at the bottom of my signature line... 🌻

I wish you all good things as you move forward and look forward to seeing your life bloom for you in new, amazing and unexpected ways that you never previously dreamed could ever be yours to enjoy... 💕🤗💕 May every step of your journey be blessed! 🌻

I will leave you with my favorite snippet of Walt Whitman that reflects the place you are coming to...  It speaks to finding yourself... our place in the world and your place amongst others along life's journey!

"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me."

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

"The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself" ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸

Ashley's Corner: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247549.0.html 🌻
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Pema

Welcome, Jeri. I'm glad you've joined us.

Others have already shared suggestions and experiences that are more detailed and useful than anything I can add, so I'll just say this:

You deserve to be your authentic self. I hope you really, truly know that in your heart. In those moments when you're telling other people who you are, remember and feel it so that you are speaking from a place of  calm strength and confidence. They can't help but see that. Remaining centered and calm makes all the difference. You don't have to defend being who you are. You wouldn't demand that of anyone else.

I wish you all the best. I hope you'll let us know how it goes. We are here for and with you.

Love,
Pema
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

ChrissyRyan

It is very important to be yourself, if you can.  There are things in life that make being your authentic self a tough choice.  That has been explained rather well here before on many threads. 

I wish you and all the best and most wonderful life.  Always be kind and loving.


Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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