Charlotte's scratch post

[Stottie Girl]

@Stottie Girl It's just part of me unfortunately and has been since I was about 15 years old. Unfortunately they have moved my assessment appointment to next week as the assessor is ill.

I just feel empty. There used to be a time when I had dreams and ambitions. But now I just don't have any apart from my transition stuff. I don't have any goals or even a bucket list. In essence I've done everything I want to do apart from my transition, then that's it. I'm done. Just feels odd as I'm basically treading water until it's my time to go!

I did use NHS talking therapies. Was awful and they didn't even listen to me. Just try and get me to do these tasks I have no interest in doing the way I feel!

Anyways thank youu. Really appreciate your kindness. I'm just chilling now in my Hello Kitty PJs with a cup of tea...that feels nice.

Charlotte 😻

You really are feeling flat aren't you honey.

If you can't think of any dreams or ambitions right now, how about planning an epic trip abroad? You clearly loved your time in Turkey aside from the operation. Why not grab an atlas and draw up a list of destinations and adventures you could go on. Don't tell me there aren't loads of places you would like to see, I don't believe you have seen it all yet!

I bet when you start writing them down you can end up thinking of some wild adventures. You could go on a safari, go whale watching, climb Mount Killimanjaro, or simply go on a beach holiday to clear your mind. Tills gives glowing reports on Thailand as an excellent place to be if you are trans.

New experiences abroad might give you the spark to follow new interests you can't even think of right now.

Or, you have an eye for photography I have seen that. If the type of photography has got you bored why not try a different genre?

[ChrissyRyan]

I hope you get some comfort and some new interests.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

Charlotte,


Please remember that for about all of us, and that includes you, that affirming environments are very helpful to improve our well being.  So continue to find that supportive care, it benefits likely about everyone.


I wish you the best always!


Chrissy

[Stottie Girl]

How was first day back Charlotte?

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

How was first day back Charlotte?

First day back was fine apart from having to fix my PC as there was a power cut that killed the SSD!

Sorting e-mails, meetings and some procurement really. Seems I've been pulled into designing more electronic circuits though as my colleagues ones didn't work, so will be busy!

Thanks 😊

Charlotte 😻

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Charlotte,


Please remember that for about all of us, and that includes you, that affirming environments are very helpful to improve our well being.  So continue to find that supportive care, it benefits likely about everyone.


I wish you the best always!


Chrissy

Thank you very much, Chrissy. Luckily my work colleagues all treat me well and running club were also very kind too. I'm lucky to have supportive people around me.

Charlotte  xx

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I still can't decide if my FFS was worth it or not. Occasionally I see a women, but often still I see a man pretending to be a woman. Something is still off about my face. Maybe I do need jaw surgery too as not sure what else I can get done that I haven't already. I think when I get breast augmentation in a couple of years I can get my jaw done too by the same surgeon. It'll definitely be at least a year after my GRS as I can't handle surgery so often!


Charlotte 😻

[Lori Dee ✅]

Part of our identity is our self-image and self-concept. It is how we see ourselves in the world and in our heads. You have just undergone a major change compared to what you have been accustomed to throughout your life. That change was only weeks ago, and it is competing with what has been "normal" for decades.

Give yourself a break. It takes time for your body to heal and your brain to recognize and accept the change as the new normal. There is no need to hurry. No need to judge now. Relax, and wait to see how you feel in six months or so.

It seems like a long time because we want it all done now. But the reality is that physical and mental changes take time.

You look great. Soon enough, you will see it too.

[Stottie Girl]

I still can't decide if my FFS was worth it or not. Occasionally I see a women, but often still I see a man pretending to be a woman. Something is still off about my face. Maybe I do need jaw surgery too as not sure what else I can get done that I haven't already. I think when I get breast augmentation in a couple of years I can get my jaw done too by the same surgeon. It'll definitely be at least a year after my GRS as I can't handle surgery so often!


Charlotte 😻

I'm no expert but don't they say your true face doesn't appear for a month or two as there is still residual swelling? As Lori says it's way to early to make an assesment on the result. Just take each day as it comes.

For what it's worth I never thought you had a masculine jaw on any of your previous pics. It could need something you haven't thought of like hairline or something less invasive. Play around with makeup too when you are more able, you may need to adjust your style to fit the new you

I thought your pics did show a dramatic change personally. Give it time petal.

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte: 

Regarding your breasts that are no longer having any tenderness... when mine were growing
in my early HRT, the pain and tenderness came and went and eventually after a year they
just continued to grow and not hurt anymore. 
Keep taking your HRT and let time do it's thing.  IMHO, it is way too early for considering
breast augmentation surgery, the doctors will most likely tell you the same thing.

It has only been a couple of weeks (a Fortnight in UK terms) so you are still
healing and will be healing in the near future.

You have made one of the bigger commitments in your transition journey... in due time your
healing and your personal mental adjustment will be further along... you don't have to
think that you have to rush all of this.

Here on the Susan's Place Forum you are in a SAFE and SECURE place with like-minded followers
that are ready and willing to support you, listen to you, and give you our shoulders for you
to lean on.

Thank you for keeping all of your readers and avid followers, including myself, updated...
... we are with you !!!!
                 ❤️
Many HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

I'm hoping that the fact that my breasts no longer having any tenderness/ pain doesn't mean they have stopped growing! Really they are basically man boobs with little feeling now. Could really do without having to find another 4k to get them done too.

Swelling is bad today around my eyes and have a dull headache. My whole head is still weird and painful to touch in places. Hoping it'll improve soon as 14 days since surgery tomorrow.

Not really feeling great today to be honest, even though we got out for a nice walk. Still just chronically empty and don't have a clue who I am or what I want from this life. Sleeping 20 hours a day still feels like my ideal life. My ultimate hope is not to reach an older age and go early,  but I worry for my partner. I can't face so many more years. I need to check out my work life insurance policy to see if he'd be covered well, as that'd make me feel a lot better. Else I'll look to take one out soon.

Charlotte 😻

[Stottie Girl]

My experience of growing breasts mirrors Danielle's exactly. It happened just like she says for me. It's way too early to judge outcome. Save your money for now and give yourself some time to adjust. It's not a race.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Well I'm already planned for GRS in February so give or take it'll be 2 years or so before I have further procedures. That should be adequate time to see the effects of HRT being 3 years then.

I'm 12 months in April. I can't remember the exact date tbh as was just experimenting so didn't think that much of it!

Charlotte 😻

[davina61]

8yers on HRT and its still having an effect, it takes time for your body to change. After 61 years it is taking me a while to correct things.

[Courtney G]

It was well after the first year that I really started to notice the regrowth of a lot of scalp hair and at over 4 years, my breasts are still growing. It takes quite a lot of time to turn this ship around. Heck, HRT is going to continue to soften/change your face for the next couple of years.

But I get it - we waited our entire lives to do this and it's very hard to wait those changes out.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I'm wondering how much difference brow bone reduction really makes apart from in cases like mine where it at least got rid of that horrible, over masculine look around my eyes!

Over the past few days I've been noticing that most cis mens brow bones, including my partners are no bigger than mine after surgery. I was just unlucky to have such a stupidly large one. Considering this I don't see how it can be such a signifier of gender aside from making some people look extremely masculine in some cases. My boyfriend looks masculine despite a brow bone as small as mine is now.

There are obviously so many other facial features at play here which maybe can't be modified.

I'm glad to be rid of it that's for sure but skeptical how much real difference it will make. Considering on a day to day basis I don't want makeup as part of my routine. My cis female colleagues don't wear it say at work. I don't want to really either. Long term I just want to look naturally feminine without having to go to great lengths with hair and beauty. Maybe it's possible?

Charlotte 😻

[Stottie Girl]

I'm wondering how much difference brow bone reduction really makes apart from in cases like mine where it at least got rid of that horrible, over masculine look around my eyes!

Over the past few days I've been noticing that most cis mens brow bones, including my partners are no bigger than mine after surgery. I was just unlucky to have such a stupidly large one. Considering this I don't see how it can be such a signifier of gender aside from making some people look extremely masculine in some cases. My boyfriend looks masculine despite a brow bone as small as mine is now.

There are obviously so many other facial features at play here which maybe can't be modified.

I'm glad to be rid of it that's for sure but skeptical how much real difference it will make. Considering on a day to day basis I don't want makeup as part of my routine. My cis female colleagues don't wear it say at work. I don't want to really either. Long term I just want to look naturally feminine without having to go to great lengths with hair and beauty. Maybe it's possible?

Charlotte 😻

Well I think it is the work to the orbital brow area that is the most significant benefit. I think that is my biggest tell tale when I compare myself to cis gender women. That and hairline. From the pics you have shared, your orbital and brow does now look to be very feminine to me.

With regards to colleagues wearing no makeup, I doubt that is true for many. There is such a thing as a "no make up" look and it is what it says a makeup routine that creates a natural look. It is usually a quick to apply routine (like 10 mins or so) very useful for work or if you are in a hurry. There are loads of how to's online if you have a look. I think most cis women will at least put liner, mascara and lippy on, the lippy may be a more neutral shade though so it may not be that obvious.

Hair wise maybe think of tying it back if you don't want to spend the effort?

Unfortunately the morning routines are part of being a woman I feel. If you don't enjoy the process, well it is a small price to pay for all the other benefits in my opinion.

Of course you can choose not to follow societal norms and forgoe it all but if your goal is to blend in, it may make it harder for the trans woman sadly.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Once it's long enough I'll probably tie it back to be honest. I really like the tied back look on my colleagues. I know a couple of my colleagues use no makeup as they told me. It's a tech office...not corporate at all.

I don't mind makeup if it's a day off or going out, but work days honestly I don't want to even exist in the morning let alone do makeup! Most I really do is BB cream and some eyeshadow if I'm feeling particularly awake.

Lipstick is worst as makes eating and drinking very difficult without losing it all. Maybe I'll get them tattood although it sounds very painful.

I love women's fashion but makeup I don't really enjoy at all. Partly because all I can see is a blur from one eye. Makes detail stuff very hard even with a magnifying mirror! Even doing just BB cream and a little eye shadow is over 15 mins some days.

Charlotte 😻

[davina61]

BB cream for me, dab on each cheek and on my chin and upper lip and brush it out. Touch of blush and then some face powder, thats my going out face. I dont do any going to the workshop of course. Oh yes and a splash of lippy.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

BB cream for me, dab on each cheek and on my chin and upper lip and brush it out. Touch of blush and then some face powder, thats my going out face. I dont do any going to the workshop of course. Oh yes and a splash of lippy.

That's pretty much what I'd do on a morning except for the lippy! The powder just finishes the skin nicely.

I'm going to experiment and try to find the most minimal but effective look I can whilst still looking femme enough.

A quick Google search and I'm not the only MTF women who doesn't want makeup to be any or a large part of their look. Even just under 20% of cis women don't wear makeup often. So in theory why wouldn't a similar % of trans women feel the same!

Might be difficult but it's a challenge I will at least try!

Charlotte 😻

[Courtney G]

If I'm honest, makeup just increases my dysphoria. I don't like what it does for my look. Less is definitely more for me. I might settle on just eyeliner or maybe mascara, some primer and a bit of lipstick (aka "lippy"). I seem to look better with my hair tied back because it makes my face/head look smaller.