Having had an emotionally rocky festive break with a lot of soul searching, I feel tentatively ready to share my experiences, life and feelings a bit more. Unfortunately these periods of intense emotional instability are not uncommon, and I've been experiencing them since I was 15 or so years old. Sometimes I can go months without any major emotional breakdowns yet some years are almost entirely on the edge. Because of this I struggle to maintain consistency or any kind of interpersonal relationships; I end up disconnecting for long periods should my mind go that way out. Not to mention social stuff can seriously overwhelm my mind and take days of recovery to process, lamenting over every detail of every exchange.
On a positive note I'm getting private therapy to try and work through my long term troubles. Unfortunately any psychiatric help from the NHS is non existent and their talking therapies are far too general. I gain little from the mere 6 sessions I'm entitled to! Where I'm going there are options for therapists with particular specialisms and interests that I can match up with. This is a major benefit.
For years I've suspected that I have Borderline personality disorder. It keeps coming up. Everytime I explore, the experiences and feelings associated with it fit me like a glove. I could go for a private diagnosis, but I have decided instead that I will work with a therapist that has experience with this. Hopefully they will help me to understand myself better and develop some coping strategies. In 2026 I really need to make steps to fix 30 years of rollercoaster emotions!
As for my transition, this year should continue my journey towards the woman I desire to be. On March 9th I will have facial feminization surgery including Type 3 brow bone reduction (scary!!), eyebrow temporal lift, upper blepharoplasty and rhinoplasty. I think these will have a nice impact on my femininity. It will be my first ever surgery and experience of general anaesthesia! My partner will accompany me so I'm in safe hands there at least. I'm tentatively exploring bottom surgery in Thailand too, although this would be in the next couple of years. However early planning is advantageous- I can start hair removal maybe.
Also looking forward in the next 2 weeks to getting my eyebrows microbladed and my hair done a cute red colour. My story will take time, but I feel each little step adds something very special and makes the whole so much more than the sum of it's parts.
Today was my first day back at work after the break. Very few people were in so I managed to get a good few bits sorted. I've finally tested an emergency lighting driver circuit I've been developing. It can now go out into projects this year so that's a good start to 2026.
Anyway if you've read this far I really appreciate your time and interest in what I'm upto 😊
Love Charlotte 😻
