Charlotte's scratch post

[Pema]

Hang in there, Charlotte. It's a good sign that you're aware that there's no "good reason" for your feeling the way you do. It says that there's something else amiss, and I'm hopeful that a therapist will help you discover what it is and how to resolve it.

You know we'll be here to listen and care in the meanwhile.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Have you noticed if these episodes coincide with when you take your hormone dose? I would get that too, and the reason turned out to be that my hormones were fluctuating too quickly. I switched from oral to patches to smooth things out, but I had the same issues. But instead of every day or so, it would happen twice a week. Now that I am on injectables, that is all but gone now.

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Thanks so much for the kindness. These kind words do make me smile a little and imagine that everybody here is close by me even if so far in distance. That little warmth I feel from everyone is some comfort in the cold. I hope one day I can offer as much warm back and be less of a car crash!

Charlotte 😻

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Have you noticed if these episodes coincide with when you take your hormone dose? I would get that too, and the reason turned out to be that my hormones were fluctuating too quickly. I switched from oral to patches to smooth things out, but I had the same issues. But instead of every day or so, it would happen twice a week. Now that I am on injectables, that is all but gone now.

To be honest they come out of the blue from nowhere. This was first in a morning first thing for a while. It's not new since HRT either...really long term over decades. It's possible HRT has increased my sensitivity to it? I'm not to sure. I take 4mg in the morning then 2mg evening oral. Injecting is totally not workable for a needlephobe like me though! I'm going to look at spray and moving to monotherapy sometime soon. I can't be on CPA long term although after GRS that's all sorted!

[Pema]

I hope one day I can offer as much warm back and be less of a car crash!

I think you've been giving at least as much as you're receiving all along. You needn't feel like you're at a deficit in the sharing of love here.

[Dances With Trees]

Just read some of my old posts if you're looking for the definition of 'high maintenance'. Sheesh, I'm surprised people like Lori and Danielle still put up with me. You're doing great, Charlotte. I love reading your blog, the sensitivity, the honesty, the joy. And sometimes the pain, too. Trust me, girl, you are not alone.

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Well the good news is that I've had my therapy intro session and am ready to move onto to regular sessions. I have found a great match with a therapist who has particular interests in the types of issue I experience. I'm hoping this will allow meaningful progress in improving my thought processes.

The only concern is I have to commit to weekly sessions so this will put some financial pressure on me having an extra £144 a month coming out. Not to mention similar each month for hair removal etc. Will see how it goes for a bit then decide if it's workable and offers value.

Charlotte 😻

[Lori Dee ✅]

The only concern is I have to commit to weekly sessions so this will put some financial pressure on me having an extra £144 a month coming out.

I see my therapist every 2 - 3 weeks. Maybe when you get past the "getting to know you" stage, they can be spaced out further to fit your wallet.

[Pema]

That's encouraging news, Charlotte. I hope you'll find it helpful and I hope that you can successfully push for less frequent sessions if/when it feels necessary and appropriate.

Please keep us updated with how things go. (I know you will.)

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Weekly sessions are part of the terms so non negotiable. Unfortunately with the NHS letting me down I've little option. I'm having to privately pay my hormones, facial surgery, mental health, opticians and dentistry fees. I wonder what I pay £1500 a month tax and NI for sometimes!

Hopefully I can keep hold of my job or I'm done for!

[Pema]

I hope it all holds together for you. I'd like to think that if you told them you could only afford 2 per month they'd accommodate you instead of making it zero, but sometimes that is how they roll.

[Emma1017]

Charlotte, I am so sorry that the system has made it so difficult for you to get the medical help that you should be entitled to, but you are smart and determined, so you will find a way to get things done.

You know that you have the support of everyone here, which has helped me so much through the years.

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Today I had a scan at the hospital that I will be sharing with my FFS surgeon to allow pre-planning and prepare if there are any issues. I really want to do everything I can to make this a success. My brow ridge is so deep it completely ruins any illusions of me being female so I'm adamant it's removed as much as possible. Will be interesting for me to see the scans too just for curiosity of what's going on inside.

I'm very much hoping the surgery makes a appreciable amount of difference. As it stands I struggle daily to accept my feminity with my face as it is, so this is such an important step in my transition. Definitely counting down the weeks until March 7th when it finally gets sorted.

Other than that a normal work day so nothing interesting happened other than that!