Charlotte, we're all so proud of you. You're doing great! And yeah, fear and doubt are pretty normal, unfortunately. From the little bit of experience I've had, I can tell you it's been a bit of a roller coaster for me. I was looking at my huge, swollen jaw yesterday and was feeling pretty down. Just a couple of days earlier I was read as female in the grocery store! And today, I'm feeling very happy, excited and hopeful about my future.
I think it's important to approach this knowing that there will be "down" days and that we must prepare for them. But there will also be "up" days. You have done something for yourself that I believe will shift that balance. When a down day is happening, just know that those hungry little worms in your brain will soon get full and will move on for a bit. Don't worry about the unflattering picture you took today (especially if the lighting is bad!). You'll find that it was just not your day. This is an experience cis women have!
And heck, it's WAY too soon for us to try to assess the changes and what they mean. It is going to take a couple of months for things to settle down. Give yourself a pass until then.
Anyway, please continue to take care of yourself and continue to heal and please tell those worms "not today!"
