Charlotte's scratch post

[tammy753]

I have that feeling everyday. I just keep remind myself that I am on a long journey that can't happen over night.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I have that feeling everyday. I just keep remind myself that I am on a long journey that can't happen over night.

I'm just not sure I believe it will happen, even in 5 years. Good things have only ever come to me when I force them to! Its lucky i gave up my soul and mental health to a stressful, but well paid job so I can afford all the surgery!

[Lori Dee ✅]

Good things have only ever come to me when I force them to! Its lucky i gave up my soul and mental health to a stressful, but well paid job so I can afford all the surgery!

You put up with stuff for a well-paying job. The job pays for surgeries and necessities. Sounds like you are forcing good things to happen.

Therefore, good things will happen!

No regrets. No excuses. Make it happen.

Look at all you have accomplished so far. And you are just getting started!

Look out, world, here she comes!

😁

[Stottie Girl]

Feeling dysphoric today. Not depressed, just disappointed with my body and extremely poor feminization. But I cant do anything but wait and hope one day it actually looks remotely feminine and isn't marred by several hundred spots and sores. Still think my shoulders are too wide for my body, but discovered there is surgery available to reduce this too. Maybe something in a few years. If need be I will force every aspect of my body how I want it with surgery. It won't win!

You don't need to fix everything with the surgeons knife Charlotte. I have never once looked at your photos and thought you had broad shoulders. You have to accept that your dysphoric mind will allways pick out the silliest details and blow them up out of all proportion. we are all like that to some degree.

To me your face is feminine, your boobs will either grow naturally or artificially, after long term HRT you will gain the curves you are seeking. It's all good, Things will fall into place for you. You need to just allow your body to ease into womanhood and then maybe 4 years down the line, think about where you might want to make changes. I would wager by then you won't recognise yourself and you will be more than content.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks Lori and Sarah 😊. I know you're both right. Dysphoria is just soo cruel though. Plays on your fears and uncertainties...like it knows that transition is a lot of uncertainty. A long wait to not know exactly what you'll get! I don't like surprises, I like very planned and very predictable input vs. output conditions. HRT is so not that! I'm trying to feel better now.

Honestly with my face I'm  really happy. That little FFS has really helped me be me. I love seeing my face and hair in the mirror, so perfect.  I'm still so made up that I can do all this natural, with no makeup. Knowing thats a choice i can make for special occasions. I dreamed that and didn't think I'd pull that off.

I think I'm inherently drawn to showing off some level if sexuality. I want to be able to show some cleavage, show some curves. I long to feel that I'm not only feminine but at least a little sexy with it. I don't think it's wrong to want that? I know thats not everyone's bag, but for me it would feel nice. I don't expect miracles...but surely its possible. I just want to feel that way.

Charlotte ❤️

[Stottie Girl]

Thanks Lori and Sarah 😊. I know you're both right. Dysphoria is just soo cruel though. Plays on your fears and uncertainties...like it knows that transition is a lot of uncertainty. A long wait to not know exactly what you'll get! I don't like surprises, I like very planned and very predictable input vs. output conditions. HRT is so not that! I'm trying to feel better now.

Honestly with my face I'm  really happy. That little FFS has really helped me be me. I love seeing my face and hair in the mirror, so perfect.  I'm still so made up that I can do all this natural, with no makeup. Knowing thats a choice i can make for special occasions. I dreamed that and didn't think I'd pull that off.

I think I'm inherently drawn to showing off some level if sexuality. I want to be able to show some cleavage, show some curves. I long to feel that I'm not only feminine but at least a little sexy with it. I don't think it's wrong to want that? I know thats not everyone's bag, but for me it would feel nice. I don't expect miracles...but surely its possible. I just want to feel that way.

Charlotte ❤️

Yeah it's nice to put on a plunge bra and show off a dramatic cleavage, I'm not going to lie 😁. I am the same as you in that when I'm slimmer I plan to show off a bit of cleavage, a bit of leg etc. I've worked hard for this and I think I want the attention it will bring. I still want to do it in a classy chic way though. I guess I've yet to experience this in the wild so to speak and if I pass then I might find that men constantly staring at my boobs gets old fast. Who knows but I know I will have fun finding out!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Yeah it's nice to put on a plunge bra and show off a dramatic cleavage, I'm not going to lie 😁. I am the same as you in that when I'm slimmer I plan to show off a bit of cleavage, a bit of leg etc. I've worked hard for this and I think I want the attention it will bring. I still want to do it in a classy chic way though. I guess I've yet to experience this in the wild so to speak and if I pass then I might find that men constantly staring at my boobs gets old fast. Who knows but I know I will have fun finding out!

Yeah its just horrible being out fully and nothing to show. I pass maybe but feel totally invisible too. I just worry I'm never going to experience that feeling if growth doesn't happen.  That's a totally possible outcome for me. And augmentation is not guaranteed to really help me. You know you have the breasts and just need to get out there, so have certainty. Everyday I fear it wont happen for me and thats totally possible. I don't really want breast augmentation but can't take this any longer, each day seeing a body that's not mine. Its not me, its the old me I wish was gone forever. If BA doesn't work out I  will most likely detransition, go back to my old name and go completely enby. But will cross that bridge if it comes to that. Hopefully wont but right now nothing is certain!

[Stottie Girl]

Yeah its just horrible being out fully and nothing to show. I pass maybe but feel totally invisible too. I just worry I'm never going to experience that feeling if growth doesn't happen.  That's a totally possible outcome for me. And augmentation is not guaranteed to really help me. You know you have the breasts and just need to get out there, so have certainty. Everyday I fear it wont happen for me and thats totally possible. I don't really want breast augmentation but can't take this any longer, each day seeing a body that's not mine. Its not me, its the old me I wish was gone forever. If BA doesn't work out I  will most likely detransition, go back to my old name and go completely enby. But will cross that bridge if it comes to that. Hopefully wont but right now nothing is certain!

Oh sorry Charlotte, I didn't mean to trigger you there. I was trying to give you some hope. If you don't get the growth then the BA will definitely give you the cleavage you are hoping for. That is the certainty you are looking for. I'm just trying to say (somewhat badly clearly) that you can look forward to that day yourself soon enough.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Oh sorry Charlotte, I didn't mean to trigger you there. I was trying to give you some hope. If you don't get the growth then the BA will definitely give you the cleavage you are hoping for. That is the certainty you are looking for. I'm just trying to say (somewhat badly clearly) that you can look forward to that day yourself soon enough.

Awww its fine 🙂 I'm getting emotionally much stronger, so not as triggered as I used to be and this is all personal growth. Its really just anxiety manifesting as dysphoria. I've had anxiety about everything in my life that ever mattered so its not new! I so can't wait for that day that's for sure. I'm not sure the world is quite ready as doing it in a classy way is by no means a requirement in my world! Once ive sorted this folliculitis, had GRS and got some shape I'm getting even shorter shorts/hotpants! I will live missed teen years as a 45 yr old with no shame 😆 Add hopefully OTT boobs and I'm ready. That's just me i guess. I can be classy, but doesn't mean i have to be!

[Courtney G]

I get it, Charlotte. I've waited many years to feel the smallest amount of self-confidence and I would really like it if people noticed and appreciated the things I've (and HRT has) done.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Feeling really tired this morning. Not really feeling up to much to be honest. I've got a blood test this afternoon to see how injected is working out. Should get results next week.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

My boyfriend came with me to Birmingham when i got my blood test, so we went to a gaming store with tables and he taght me to play Palworld TCG which was fun and nice to be with him.

A lovely lady stopped and complimented my bf on his care bears outfit and also mine. She was such a beautiful soul and makes up for those that are unkind. It takes nothing to be kind and we all were smiling and talking as a result. I wish the nasty folk would just dissappear, life would be much nicer.

Charlotte ❤️

[Laura Squirrel]

I wish the nasty folk would just disappear, life would be much nicer.

Charlotte ❤️

LMAO!

That is how I feel too. If only I could stand at a control panel, input the proper parameters, press a button, and POOF! The really ironic thing is that the same people who tell me that "I have so much hate" (despite them being bigoted as hell), they would be on the chopping block. Ahhhhhh....people....LOL

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

LMAO!

That is how I feel too. If only I could stand at a control panel, input the proper parameters, press a button, and POOF! The really ironic thing is that the same people who tell me that "I have so much hate" (despite them being bigoted as hell), they would be on the chopping block. Ahhhhhh....people....LOL

Don't ever give me that button! It would be the end of humanity for sure!

[Laura Squirrel]

Don't ever give me that button! It would be the end of humanity for sure!

Hey, hey, hey! We don't need extinction now. LOL. Just a...spring cleaning.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Had a lovely day swimming this morning and then a nice walk, stopping at the swings on the way. Other than that sorting stuff for the week.

I'm still enjoying being me much more since doing more excercise and maybe since going onto injections. It's weird because injecting my hormones isn't the most comfy thing, but for some reason I really look forward to it. I guess it helps I It's my calm time on a Saturday evening. And I'm hoping it's going to give me some positive outcomes.

Unfortunately the sunday blues are coming now, in anticipation of the work week. Hopefully the week will go quickly.

[Laura Squirrel]

That's great!