Came out to my parents that I want to be feminine at 39 last night

[Their Name is Signal]

Last night, my wife and I went over to my parents for a game night (that was our in to tell my parents our situation). With the help of my wife, we told them we most likely will be separating. We told them it was because of my manipulation and going behind my wife's back about chatting online and wanting to become more feminine, wearing women's clothing, whether that be at home or in public.

My wife already said, that regardless of what happens with our marriage, she would like to stay civil and perhaps be friends and help me on my journey.

My parents were shocked, but they didn't blow up and didn't get angry and didn't shun me away. They definitely have a lot of questions, but they said whoever I am, I should look into therapy and better myself in 2026. New year, new me.

Getting a primary doctor to see about my weight; I'm 90 pounds, and to better my mental health with therapy. I think my wife and I will do couples counseling and then see if single counseling alone is right for us.

I'm happy my parents didn't think my situation was silly, though my mom made a joke saying seeing my boy in clothes would be weird, but I think it was just nerves. All in all, I'm glad it let them know about the new me.

I know where I'll be later this year, but I know a weight has lifted from my shoulders and I can breathe a bit more.

Thank you for taking the time to hear my story. If you have a similar one, feel free to DM me or if you're bold, put it in the comments as I'd love to hear how your journey had started.

[Jillian-TG]

That's a big and brave start to 2026.

May I ask if you want to be divorced? I get a sense that your wife might support you more than you realize if you can address the infidelity aspects of you reaching out to other people.

If you want your space and a divorce that's ok but I wonder if you realize that there might be a chance to salvage the marriage.

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Their Name is Signal

Dear Signal:

I am very happy and glad to read your posting. 
It appears to me that you are making some positive progress regarding
your marriage and with the relationship with your parents.

By all means, you and your wife should plan go to schedule couples counseling ASAP.

Please keep posting your updates.

I am wishing success and happiness for you and your wife.  ❤️

Warm Regards, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
    The Forum Administrator    Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

[Lori Dee ✅]

I think that you might be in a better place with your parents than you realize. Your mom's comment about "her boy" dressing up was just her nervous reaction. They are accepting the information you have given them, made the same recommendation about therapy that you received here, and you have not been disowned yet. I think this is an indicator that they may become accepting once they understand what you are going through.

They obviously love their child, so that bond is helpful. It will motivate them to try to understand. Once you have started therapy, explaining things to them takes on a new authority. It is no longer just "I like to dress up", but has shifted to "my therapist explained it like this...". That gives them an authority figure for reference and may open the door for them to ask questions. Just be honest about it. If you don't know the answer, say so. And tell them that you will ask your therapist about it during the next session.

What this does is allow them to become part of the process. They don't get to make decisions, but they stay informed. I think they will appreciate that. It will also help them understand why the relationship is going in the direction that it is. They will understand why you are doing what you are doing, and they will understand her decision to stay or leave. It is all just information. All decisions belong to you and your wife. No one else.

I hope everything works out well for you, regardless of the direction it takes. A therapist will also be able to help you with those adjustments, too.

[Mairen]

Hi TNiS,

I can't help with any advice on the journey that you're beginning, but I just wanted to say that the step you've taken is so brave.  You deserve every happiness and I hope that comes to you soon.

With love,

Mairen

[Dances With Trees]

I wish you all the best, Signal. And admire your bravery and your wife's honesty. Personally, I think there's a great chance your story will have a happy ending.

[Jillian-TG]

I wish you all the best, Signal. And admire your bravery and your wife's honesty. Personally, I think there's a great chance your story will have a happy ending.

That has been my sense as well after reading the posts. I'm just not clear if she wants to be single or not. But their wife appears to be throwing out olive branches despite what has happened in terms of a type of infidelity. If I was the OP then I would be working on rebuilding things.

[Susan ✅]

Signal,

What comes through most clearly in what you wrote is relief. That feeling of a weight lifting is real. You did something genuinely difficult — speaking the truth out loud with your wife beside you — and the world didn't collapse. Your parents are still your parents, your wife showed up with you, and you're still standing. That matters.

The fact that your parents stayed present, even while clearly processing, is more important than any awkward or nervous comment made at the moment. Shock often comes out clumsy before it becomes understanding. Love doesn't always sound graceful at first.

I also want to gently echo what others have noticed about your wife. Her actions speak volumes. She came with you. Then she helped you tell your parents. She's also talking about remaining civil and even supportive regardless of where things ultimately land. The hurt here isn't about who you are—it's about the secrecy. Those are painful things, but they're not the same problem, and they have different paths forward.

Couples counseling sounds like a thoughtful step, not because it guarantees any outcome, but because it gives both of you a place to sort out what's actually broken and what's simply scared.

When you look for individual therapy, try to find someone with experience in gender-related questions, not just general counseling.

You don't have to arrive with all the answers — it just means you'll have someone who understands the terrain as you explore at your own pace. Therapy isn't about deciding everything at once or proving anything to anyone; it's about having a space where you don't have to perform certainty.

I'm glad you mentioned seeing a primary care doctor. Taking care of your body is part of taking care of whatever comes next.

You don't have to know where you'll be later this year to know that telling the truth was the right step. Being able to breathe a little easier is not a small thing. Keep us posted—many people here recognize themselves in the beginning of your story.

With love and support,
— Susan 💜

[NancyDrew1930]

Last night, my wife and I went over to my parents for a game night (that was our in to tell my parents our situation). With the help of my wife, we told them we most likely will be separating. We told them it was because of my manipulation and going behind my wife's back about chatting online and wanting to become more feminine, wearing women's clothing, whether that be at home or in public.

My wife already said, that regardless of what happens with our marriage, she would like to stay civil and perhaps be friends and help me on my journey.

My parents were shocked, but they didn't blow up and didn't get angry and didn't shun me away. They definitely have a lot of questions, but they said whoever I am, I should look into therapy and better myself in 2026. New year, new me.

Getting a primary doctor to see about my weight; I'm 90 pounds, and to better my mental health with therapy. I think my wife and I will do couples counseling and then see if single counseling alone is right for us.

I'm happy my parents didn't think my situation was silly, though my mom made a joke saying seeing my boy in clothes would be weird, but I think it was just nerves. All in all, I'm glad it let them know about the new me.

I know where I'll be later this year, but I know a weight has lifted from my shoulders and I can breathe a bit more.

Thank you for taking the time to hear my story. If you have a similar one, feel free to DM me or if you're bold, put it in the comments as I'd love to hear how your journey had started.

I've never been married, nor in a common law relationship, however, it doesn't sound like you had an infidelity issue.  More that you were being cautious because you did not know how to proceed and you were trying to learn more about how to be feminine and a woman while not hurting your wife's feelings.  I can see how she could see that as betrayal, however, I think we all go through that before we finally come out, because we as individual's want to show love to our families and not hurt them, but then we do not know how, with a big issue such as transitioning, know how our loved ones are going to take it.  And I think that's what your wife is seeing as well, and why she's willing to extend that olive branch.  And I would recommend working to save your marriage, and with a counsellor get help to heal that wound, since from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like it is very deep---deep enough to destroy a marriage.  It sounds like something that you two can work on and will strengthen your marriage.  Think of that classic part of the marriage vows "through thick or thin".  It may seem like a thin section right now, but with some work you'll get past that section.