Becoming Me Journal

[Petunia]

Hi Rinsford,

I just came across your story.

Great name btw. Where did it come from?

So much of what you have written about your feelings could of been me when I was your age.

It would have been nice if we could swap bodies and perhaps we would both be more happy.  I'd have to wind back the clock on mine a LOT.

When my best friend was 13 he had a bad flu which damaged his heart. At the age of 21 he spent 6 months in hospital waiting for a transplant.

Sadly that came too late.

Such a beautiful young man having his life taken away.
I have had suicidal thoughts in many periods of my life but if I were to act on it then I would be disrespecting my best mate Anthony, who just wanted to live.

When it comes to wanting to hurt yourself, all you are doing is destroying your body.  If you do that it could affect you while you are going from boy to man

I'm glad you are getting some exercise. Have you considered some strength training?

This would give you an outlet that doesn't involve punching walls (which can really damage you, ask me how I know) and you will feel strong and see some physical changes.

Please keep writing brave young man

[Petunia]

Mr Rinsford, I should have added that my wife and I were unable to have children.

If I was lucky enough to have a son, I pick you.

You are smart, well read and so, so empathetic to other people, despite the cost to you.

Sorry dude, but you really need to look after yourself first.

I feel for you and your family. There are parts of the world that are really fu at the moment but you have a second family here pulling for you. 

[Rinsford]

Hi Rinsford,

I just came across your story.

Great name btw. Where did it come from?

So much of what you have written about your feelings could of been me when I was your age.

It would have been nice if we could swap bodies and perhaps we would both be more happy.  I'd have to wind back the clock on mine a LOT.

When my best friend was 13 he had a bad flu which damaged his heart. At the age of 21 he spent 6 months in hospital waiting for a transplant.

Sadly that came too late.

Such a beautiful young man having his life taken away.
I have had suicidal thoughts in many periods of my life but if I were to act on it then I would be disrespecting my best mate Anthony, who just wanted to live.

When it comes to wanting to hurt yourself, all you are doing is destroying your body.  If you do that it could affect you while you are going from boy to man

I'm glad you are getting some exercise. Have you considered some strength training?

This would give you an outlet that doesn't involve punching walls (which can really damage you, ask me how I know) and you will feel strong and see some physical changes.

Please keep writing brave young man

I got the name after some brainstorming and reading the names of my old journals. I felt like it was a great reflection of who I am. I am sorry to hear by things that happened to you and the passing of m a friend. No, I have thought about strength training but I would love to learn it. Ok, I can't wait to start doing it or learn it.

Mr Rinsford, I should have added that my wife and I were unable to have children.

If I was lucky enough to have a son, I pick you.

You are smart, well read and so, so empathetic to other people, despite the cost to you.

Sorry dude, but you really need to look after yourself first.

I feel for you and your family. There are parts of the world that are really fu at the moment but you have a second family here pulling for you. 

I am sorry to hear that you two can't have kids. I am very honored. That part about if you pick a son, made me cry because I honestly always wanted to be someone's son. In my mind, I will always die a daughter to my mother and I am not good enough to be a son to her. Thank you, I will try my best to put myself first. I wish things like that were easy to learn. I am glad and bless to have a second family.

[Petunia]

Rins, thank you for your empathy.

As far as my friend Anthony goes, I live to honour his zest for life.

I recently started therapy and my psychologist was alarmed and even wanted me to go to hospital due to my suicide scores. It took a lot of convincing that no matter how bad I felt I can't do it.

I would dishonour my bff.

At times I had the opportunity to end everything but then I wouldn't have had all the happy times, seen things I've seen, learnt things, travelled, heard great new music etc

Life is sometimes really, really hard. But it does come with rewards. You just need to ride the waves as best you can.

Just because your mum thinks of you as your daughter now it doesn't mean she won't accept you as a son sometime in the future.

Have a look at how many others have written to you. We are all your family.

A big family that supports you all the way.

Stay strong young fellow. Keep studying and learning you man.

Much love P

[Rinsford]

Today is honestly chill. I have EOC testing and Final exams. Those three weeks are going to be crazy. I just got finished painting today, I decided to paint someone including items. Its was very fun. I am glad that I am going back into an old passion. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

[Rinsford]

If anyone wants to see the art that I make. I have been trying to make an portfolio website. Hopefully I will finish it during the summer.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Good luck with your finals!

I would love to see your art when you get the album together. You post a link here, or add it to your profile when you are ready.

You have such a great attitude. You are going to do well.

[Rinsford]

Hello, I hope y'all are having a lovely mother's day.

Recently I have been trying to work on the website but its kind of hard due to my own device being a phone. But I can work through it. I am still looking for a job sadly. Keep getting rejected.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Hello, I hope y'all are having a lovely mother's day.

Recently I have been trying to work on the website but its kind of hard due to my own device being a phone. But I can work through it. I am still looking for a job sadly. Keep getting rejected.

Hi, Rinsford!

Keep hanging in there. It's not about how many times you get rejected; you only need one anyway. As the great hockey player, Wayne Gretzky, said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." As long as you keep trying, you are in the game.

Good luck!

[Rinsford]

Thank you, Lori

Yesterday night, I take a big leap of faith(spiderman reference) and posted my first YouTube video. Yay! So this week might be silent due to filming, we will see thou.

[Stottie Girl]

Hello, I hope y'all are having a lovely mother's day.

Recently I have been trying to work on the website but its kind of hard due to my own device being a phone. But I can work through it. I am still looking for a job sadly. Keep getting rejected.

I have lost two jobs in the last 4 years due to anxiety, depression and panic attacks it has been a nightmare trying to find employment each time but don't despair, there will be a job out there for you somewhere. I had two 8 month stints out of work but I am now in a job I love, I can't see me leaving this one now.