Does everyone really need to know?

[CosmicJoke]

Hi everyone. I'm looking at getting gender correction surgery done most likely sometime this year. I have a few preparations I have to make such as finding a therapist and consulting with the surgeon first.

There's only a small amount of people I have really discussed my desire to do this with. I wouldn't think this is something you would really want the whole world knowing.

I would really like to know what some of your thoughts are on this? Does this really involve everyone or are some people better off not told?

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

To be honest I expect the answer to this to be entirely personal with reference of course to safety and harm reduction.

I'm very lucky...I can be open with almost everybody in my life! I've discussed bottom surgery with my work colleagues! But I've always been very open and upfront as that's worked for me. To me things are only as taboo as I want to make them and that the other is capable of receiving. I'm out there, that's my personality.

I think you should only tell people that are necessary to know and then those you are comfortable to share with. Other than that this is your personal life. Trust your feelings as only you know what's best for you and your unique personality. I'm hoping though you can tell enough people such that you have in real life support at least 😊

[EllenW]

I agree that the decision to tell anyone is a very personal decision. For me personally, the people who I told beforehand was very small and more on a need to know. At work, I just advised my boss and HR that I was having s surgery. They did not ask and I did not tell them the type of surgery.

Since then, I have only told potential partners and doctors that need to know in order to provide the correct medical care.

Ellen

[Scylla]

Honestly I think you should tell people when and if it comes up. That's how it works for other life choices and I don't see why medical transition should be any different.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I agree with EllenW. I might tell some family members that I am having surgery, but no details. Close friends who know I am trans would only get details if they ask if it is bottom surgery. I will say yes, and that is enough. I am always open and honest with medical professionals who need to know. As Sarah B mentioned in one of her posts, sometimes it is irrelevant, so I would not volunteer the information. They have my medical records if it is relevant.

If anyone asks that I feel does not need to know, my answer would be, "That's personal."

[KathyLauren]

I told my spouse and my doctor.  I think I told my brothers.  Some other people may have figured it out: for a few weeks afterwards, I had to take a cushion with me to the coffee group, to sit on.  They were too couth to mention it, though.

It is really no one else's business.  The people who need to know are very, very few.  I don't raise the subject.  If someone else raised it, my opinion of them would take a dive.

[Pema]

Kathy captured my feelings perfectly.

[VictoriasSecret]

Back in the day and I'm talking late 80"s, it was suggested that we try to blend into society as seamlessly as possible and not feel it necessary to disclose anything personal to anyone except medical practitioners.

Fast forward to today, I still keep my personal life "personal" and don't disclose any information to anyone unless it's a need to know basis and to date, that is only my GP.

I recently started dental work with a new dentist and I didn't feel the need to disclose any information.

The initial registration and paperwork asked what medication I was taking. I did not disclose my hormone regime, as I know from years of experience that this does not affect blood clotting / thinning which is an important factor with dental work. I don't take any other medication, not even aspirin!!!

It was business as usual and no one batted an eyelid.

So, my answer is, unless it affects your health and well being, don't feel the need to disclose any information if the outcome is not going to change anything.

Humans are an inquisitive lot. They are curious and want to know about things that differ outside of their daily normal realm.

Some have not been educated to mind their P's and Q's to learn to not always say what they think, professionals included. The things I've heard over the years would make your toes curl!!!

This might be an old fashioned way of thinking but, as the old saying goes:

"You have to walk a mile in someone's shoes to know what they are dealing with!!"

Before you disclose any information verbally, digitally or on paper, think of the long and short term ramifications.


Blessed Be

Victoria

[Lori Dee ✅]

Just to be clear:

Oral estradiol CAN affect blood clotting. This is caused when it is metabolized in the liver. Transdermal patches, sublinguals, and injectables bypass the liver, so they are a much lower risk.

It is also very common for ciswomen to be prescribed hormone therapy for many reasons, from hysterectomy to PCOS, etc.

Medical providers need to know WHAT you are taking. WHY is irrelevant if it was prescribed by your healthcare team.

[Allie Jayne]

I am so lucky that my employer has a special leave of 4 weeks at full pay for recovery from Genital Surgery, and I planned to be off work for 6 weeks, so my manager needed to backfill my position. So my doctors, my family, my employer and my trans groups all knew when I was having surgery. My government health records have my transgender status listed, as well as my surgery (this is optional in my country), and I agreed to that in case I needed medical attention away from my home.

Outside of this, I do not readily disclose my surgery to anyone else, except for a couple of close friends. I am openly trans as my community is supportive, and most people can guess anyway, but what is in my panties is my business. I had a man attempting to have a relationship with him, and I told him I was trans, then his next question was did I have the surgery, but I did not feel a need to answer him, especially as I was discouraging his advances. If I was ever lucky enough to find someone to share my life with, I would be open with them, as I have been with all my partners.

Like Victoria, I haven't disclosed my status to my dentist as I don't believe he needs to know, though he was my dentist for decades before my transition, so I imagine he suspects.

Hugs,

Allie