Quote from: Lori Dee on February 07, 2026, 10:12:58 AMI am the same way.
Throughout my life, people assumed I was gay because I did not date anyone. In those days, you were either straight or gay, and gay got a beating. I learned much later in life that I am asexual, which explains three failed marriages and a lot of failed relationships. When I do get hit on, I am flattered, but I wonder the same things: Is he flirting because he thinks I'm gay? Or is it because I am trans? Or is it because I am passing and he is clueless?
Over time, I realized the answer to those questions was, "Does it matter?" If the conversation goes in that direction, I tell the truth. If they are still interested, then it isn't about my body; they are interested in me. Sometimes, it is both. My neighbor is bi and is attracted to transwomen, so he flirts, but our conversations are more about common interests than sex. That is because he knows that I have no interest in that department.
Perhaps my journey isn't quite so different! Where and when I grew up it was a death sentence to be different. The 14 year old boy across the road may have been gay, but he was different, and 4 teenagers kicked him to death in front of a crowd, but nobody saw a thing...
There was no terminology for trans back then, but I realised what I was even without a name for it. I really tried to be 'normal' but after kissing a girl, it just felt wrong. My mother thought I was gay, so she set me up on blind dates, and I married one of these girls because I desperately needed as baby. But sex was not pleasurable for each of us and I would feel guilty after each time. She left me partly because I was trans, partly because I could not sexually satisfy her (she found someone who could), but mostly because she could not handle being a mother. In the years since of retrospect, I feel I used her to achieve something I needed, and I carry guilt for that.
I already knew the lady who was to be my second wife, and she saw me as that guy who was likely gay, so safe to be with, and over the years I was the shoulder she cried on after breakups with boyfriends. We were best friends, and went on holidays together, sharing accommodations as she felt I would never try to have sex with her, and she was right! It was nearly a decade later that she was sexually frustrated and used me. I went along because at the time I didn't know what I should do, but she was dismayed at how little I knew about sex. She taught me many ways to satisfy her, and eventually decided we should get married. I did have enjoyable sex for the first time, always followed by guilt, but I realised that my performance was basically a mechanical process, and mentally, I just wanted my soul mate to be happy.
That guy was likely just flirting with me, as many people do to bolster their egos, but I did have a persistent suitor who I told I was trans, and he wanted to proceed anyway! I avoided him til he went away, but it made me wonder how I could ever have someone else in my life. My dream is that I will meet someone, male, female, or whoever, who shares my interests and we organically spend more and more time together until we are never apart. Sex very optional. But this is basically a repeat of my last relationship. What are the chances that will ever happen again? And as I am in my 70's, I am running out of time!
I have decided I will not seek out a partner, but just try to be more open to developing a friendship that develops, but in reality, a close friendship will do. I just need hugs. Chances are slim for a trans woman in her 70's, but not none!
Hugs,
Allie
