Quote from: Camille58S on January 13, 2026, 05:45:25 PMI know that I probably sound like a winny little bitch, but I have been so sure of my coming out that this feeling really threw me. I'm asking for some advice and perspective here!
Hi Camille,
I don't know if this qualifies as advice or perspective, It may just be a related story.
My father had Parkinson's. It was very slow in it's progression and it had not progressed to the stage you seem to be at now. His was not a diagnosis of a disease that was going to strike him dead and he was pretty sure something else would kill him before the Parkinson's did. So he never seemed to have that, overwhelming feeling that he had to fight the disease, like someone with a cancer, MS or any number of other illnesses would.
What got to my father was the frustration of dealing with it on a daily basis. While my father was not trans, he had an affliction that was for him just as all consuming. To say he had to be busy would be an understatement. He was an honest man who work hard for a living. When he retired my parents bought a house on an acre in the California foothills. My father worked in that yard everyday, there were no days off for football or such. If he saw something that needed to be done he had to do it.
It wasn't having Parkinson's that was going to kill him, it was having Parkinson's that was keeping him from doing what he needed to do, that wore on him. He was well into his 70's at this point, and I tried telling him he was still doing more than 90% of the people his age. His response was (in an angry tone) "that doesn't do me any good, why did god put me here when I can't do what needs to be done". My father was a very religious man and I was watching him lose his faith over this.
So, No, I don't think you're a winny little bitch. I fully understand how hard it must be, not being able to proceed with your social transition the way you desire, and how emotionally exhausting that would be.
Something to keep in mind, your wife appears to he very supportive of your situation. Be mindful of her. My father's biggest fear was that he was going to drive my mother away.
We'll say some prayers for you.
God Bless.
Paulie.
