Hi Cosmic This is a very interesting topic and one that comes up from time to time. I was actually having a conversation on very similar grounds only last night with a long time friend, VictoriasSecret, who I first met when I changed my life around in February 1989.
Like Pema, I am coming at this from a very different unique angle or perspective.
As Danielle quite rightly says, everyone's journey is different and that is very clear when people describe their own experiences. Mine is different again and to quantify, justify, or fully explain my life, one that can only be really done in hindsight, with the knowledge that I now have.
I live in a binary world as a female and I always have since I changed my life around, yet throughout my entire life I have had a mix of what people would label male and female traits. Those traits were never something I consciously adopted or discarded without knowing about them. They were simply part of me.
Growing up, my life was quite unassuming. As far as I know, I never overtly expressed my gender, except for certain incidents that stood out to me and, looking back, clearly showed that I was female even as a child. I loved teddy bears. I sometimes wore my mum's clothing, though this was kept secret from my parents. I wished I was a girl and wished I could play with girls. I did not like or play boy sports such as soccer, rugby, or Aussie rules. I did not play with action figures like GI Joes, trucks, or cars, which my brothers did. I also did not like Barbie dolls, not that I ever really had the chance, but even now I can say I have never liked them.
At the same time, there were things I loved that are often labelled masculine. I loved Lego, Meccano and train sets. The only sport I eventually took up was swimming, which I embraced wholeheartedly in my twenties and which has stayed with me ever since.
There were also quieter things that mattered to me. As a child I loved crocheting. I do not think my mum encouraged it, but I persisted anyway and I believe my aunt Cherry helped me with that. I also loved brushing my aunt's hair, the same aunt, yet my mum did not allow me to do that before I changed my life around. Looking back, these were not acts of rebellion or performance. They were simply things I was drawn to.
What did grow stronger and stronger in my twenties was the longing to be female. That feeling became the central thing that eventually mattered.
In early February 1989, I changed my life around. Within three months I was living and working as Sarah. I went to university and studied STEM subjects, which were very male dominated at the time, although there were a couple of other girls studying the same subjects. I was socialising, dating and living my life with no fanfare whatsoever.
What I did not realise at the time was that I still never consciously expressed my gender, except when I had to tick the gender box on a form. I was simply living my life as a female. It was not until I first came across Susan's in 2010 that I finally realised, consciously and clearly, that I was female.
There is one moment that defines who I am more than anything else. I was walking down George Street in Sydney all those years ago and said to myself, "look up and be yourself." That moment came from me trying to be more "feminine," which felt like acting. It also tied directly into not worrying about what others might think of who or what I was. From that point on, I stopped trying to be anything other than myself.
Because of that, my life did not feel like it changed. I simply continued on as if nothing had happened. Looking back, I can see that it was a huge and significant change, but at the time it did not feel that way. Even now, my life before I changed my life around is still a part of me and it is exactly what makes me who I am today.
So how does all of this tie in with "How you shouldn't go about this."
It comes down to not trying to be someone you are not. As so many members in this thread have said in different ways and has come through very clearly, just be yourself. Continue to enjoy what you like to do in life, without boxing yourself in or performing a role that does not belong to you.
It must be noted that my signature says "Be who you want to be", which may seem ironic or a contradiction after everything I have said, until you realise it was never about becoming something different but about being yourself.
Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@CosmicJoke @Northern Star Girl @Lori Dee @Pema @VictoriasSecret @Asche @Charlotte_Ringwood @Simplycause
