Anniversary cruise

[Jillian-TG]

I haven't been a member for too long but if you've read my previous posts you will know that my wife and I cruise often and I've used those cruises as an opportunity to explore my feminine side and gender identity.

We are currently on a cruise celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary. It's also the first cruise where I have not packed in any woman's clothes so I've been presenting as male 24/7. Why?

Recently I posted about my wife changing gears and expressing her discomfort with my gender identity and my need to dress more feminine. She was particularly having second thoughts about our cruises where I sometimes dress fully as a woman. We even ended up cancelling a future planned girls trip.

We've had some additional discussions on this trip and they were productive and constructive talks. I'm better understanding her discomfort. I don't want to divulge too much personal information but to summarize it:
- she's generally uncomfortable with me as a woman so she has to force herself to accept and deal with it.
- she suffered horrific abuse as a child where she was forced to do things she was uncomfortable with
- now as an adult she has a mental connection with feeling forced to do something or forced to accept something. It triggers her childhood trauma memories.

Those three bullets above summarized why my dressing and gender topic was literally triggering her childhood trauma because she was feeling forced and pressured. We realize she has to to focus on exploring acceptance as a "free will" thing from the kindness of her heart and not conditional for my love. I have to learn to live without conditions either. (It's hard for me because I'm so much happier, kinder and loving as a woman than as a man).

Crazy that it took 30 years to connect those dots considering we are generally good communicators and very close as a couple.

I have no idea if we will ever "get there" in terms of full acceptance but at least we better understand the problem. One step at a time!

[Lori Dee ✅]

Open and honest communication like that is crucial. Not only do you each understand what the situation is, but you also understand why. That is a huge first step toward figuring out any terms of compromise or if things don't work anymore.

It sounds like you both are interested in figuring this out together, and that is important too. Perhaps a therapist or couples counseling can help the two of you navigate through this and keep your relationship strong.

Wishing you all the best. Enjoy your cruise.

[Dances With Trees]

Thanks, Jillian, for such a heartfelt and intimate post.
IMO, relationships are a critical aspect of identity. You and your wife seem to be standing on solid ground as you consider issues of such great import. You're talking. Like Lori said, enjoy the cruise. Sometimes answers come to me when I stop thinking about the question.

[Jillian-TG]

Thanks, Jillian, for such a heartfelt and intimate post.
IMO, relationships are a critical aspect of identity. You and your wife seem to be standing on solid ground as you consider issues of such great import. You're talking. Like Lori said, enjoy the cruise. Sometimes answers come to me when I stop thinking about the question.

I like that statement you just made - answers coming when you stop thinking about the question. Very true!

[Jillian-TG]

Communication continues and it has been positive. In fact there has been some really good progress made. Here's what I think / assume has triggered a very positive change in how my wife sees me:
(Disclaimer: I haven't validated and this is assumption)
- her sister and husband are having huge marital problems caused by certain irresponsible financial actions by the husband. He's a macho "man's man" and the complete opposite to me. He's also failing his wife and marriage.
- I think my wife and sister (who are close) are comparing notes and my wife is seeing the good in me compared to what her sister is dealing with. A macho man doesn't automatically equal happiness in a relationship
- as things crumble in her sister's world and a few other family members struggle with things (long stories) she's again comparing me and I'm looking like a saint in comparison. Or I am looking like a princess LOL.

My said she's been saying to her family how blessed she is to have me and how our marriage has stood for 30 years. She's also said to me she's trying extra hard to understand and accept my feminine qualities and side. She said she wants me to be happy and us to be happy so she will continue to try. She also asked if we can rebook a trip in August for us to finally take a girls trip where I can be a woman 24/7 and we can spend a week as best friends. Just having lighthearted fun.

I mentioned that I am scared she will do another 180 degree turnaround and change her mind next month. I said I'm scared to get my hopes up again. She promised to stay the course and will not change her mind. I'm taking that as positive progress. Yay!😁

I also have my solo cruise coming up at the end of this month when my wife flies overseas to visit her sister.

[Charlotte_Ringwood ✅]

This is such good news and I sincerely hope there is no 180 turn, but it does make sense to be cautious with expectations, considering past experience.

What you describe so well here is a story of heart and integrity over something that that looks right to people on the surface, but underneath is paper thin.

I really hope this to be revelation in that sometimes the kindest, most considerate and beautiful people come in slightly different packages. And that is worth holding onto.

Charlotte 😻