Seraphine,
I'm Susan, the founder here.
First, I need you to hear this clearly: you are not in trouble, you are not getting banned, and your post is not being removed. You reached out because you're in real pain, and I'm very glad you did. You belong here.
What you wrote is suicidal crisis-level distress. When someone is at that point, the priority is not "being strong" or "pushing through" alone. The priority is getting you supported in real time, right now, by someone trained to help you through the next hour and the next night.
If you are in immediate danger of harming yourself, please call emergency services right now (911 in the United States), or go to the nearest emergency room. If calling isn't safe or private where you are—if you can't make a phone call without your family hearing—step outside, go into a bathroom, lock a door, or find any place you can be alone for a few minutes. You can reach out by text instead of calling.
You can contact The Trevor Project (crisis support for LGBTQ youth) by calling 1-866-488-7386 or texting START to 678-678. You can also contact Trans Lifeline at 1-877-565-8860. Danielle posted these as well, and I want to repeat them because they matter: you do not have to carry this by yourself tonight.
You said, "I just need to be the one being saved for once." Yes. You're 16. You have been trying to survive a situation that would crush most people—family pressure, dysphoria, fear, isolation, and the feeling that you have to be the one holding everyone else together. That is not a personal failure. That is too much weight.
I also want to speak directly to the shame you described. You are not a disappointment. You are not a disgrace. You are a girl who has been forced into pain you did not choose. When you're trapped in a home that won't affirm you, it can make your mind feel like it's "breaking" or "losing it." That is often what prolonged stress and fear do to a person. It doesn't mean you're beyond help. It means you need support and safety.
About God and hell: I'm not here to argue your beliefs or tell you what to believe. I just want to name what I'm hearing—fear being used as a weapon against you, even inside your own head. Whatever you believe about the universe, you are not "evil" for needing to live as yourself. A truly just and good higher power would not demand you suffer or die to prove worthiness. You are not condemned for being who you are.
And the bras being taken, and not being able to present how you need to: I hear how acute and physical that pain can become, day after day. Please don't minimize that. Dysphoria can be relentless, and when people around you are actively blocking small forms of relief, it can feel like you're being cornered with no way out. That feeling is real—and it's exactly why you need outside support right now, not later.
Seraphine, please check in with us as soon as you can and tell us one thing: are you safe right now? Even a short reply is enough. If you can't reply, that's okay—please reach out to Trevor or Trans Lifeline, or emergency services if you're at risk. We want you alive, and we want you to make it to the part of your life where you get to breathe and build a future that fits you.
You are not alone. You are not disposable. You are not beyond saving.
With love,
— Susan 💜
