Were you masculine before you transitioned?

[CosmicJoke]

Hi everyone. I think a very common argument for why we shouldn't MtF transition is "Why would you want to be a woman when you could be a man?"

I've heard this plenty of times, but I actually failed at masculinity to such a degree I got gay slurs and bullying from some people. This happened pretty much from 7th grade up but I never really truly fit in with the boys or the girls for that matter. I didn't start truly fitting in with the girls until I transitioned.

So I'm just curious; were you masculine before you transitioned? Maybe you were like me and you didn't really fit in? Also, how did transitioning to female affect your social life?

[Cynthia Brown]

I am at the early stages of my journey.  I was comfortable presenting as a male and did not get bullied. That said my sports activities were limited to tennis and one year a very poor basketball player.  When I could I spent time alone often dressing and dreaming.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I got bullied a lot when I was young. I was the skinny kid who looked much younger than my age.

In high school, I got accused of being gay many times. I was a "hippie" with long hair and a goatee, wearing bell-bottom pants. I was harassed by schoolmates, school staff, and my stepdad.

Even after I joined the Army, the accusations continued (as explained in the Story of Lori), even to the point of being physically attacked and suffering a permanent back injury.

Once I started transitioning, I was sort of stuck in the uncanny alley for a long time. My appearance and behavior were not particularly feminine, and I kept my more masculine hobbies.

Now, when a guy hits on me, I wonder, "Do they think I am female, or gay?" As an Ace, I don't much care either way, but it still makes me think.

My revenge is that I have always looked younger than my age, and now, at 68, it is finally paying off.

[Maid Marion]

I used to get misgendered all the time.  Even by a TSA agent right after 9/11 as I was walking up to the inspection area!

[big kim]

I thought I was but in reality few were fooled. I was a punchbag for bullies until 14 when 2 things changed that. I picked up some fighting tips including a few dirty ones and started winning fights. I could also get served alcohol easily being 6'3" at 15 and went from Billy No Mates to the  most popular kid in my year! I was skinny and weedy with long hair, I later found out my nickname was Emily though no one dared call me that!
I became a hard drinking drug taking pool shooting girl and  boy chasing biker. I  mainly rode Triumphs or a BSA ,no softy Walter electric starter Harley Davidson for me . I did buy an electric start Harley Davidson Sportster in my late 50s, 22 years after transition though and loved it and the bike scene.
Like Lori I dont look 68 either.

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

I guess I find this a little hard to say without making some assumptions about what masculinity is. Also can distinctly fit into categories such as personality, appearance and hobbies. I'll do my best.

My key identity was weird really. Maybe a lot of this was because at the time I was firmly gay but could never be so open about this. So instead I kept out of social stuff that could bring this into question. I also had weird hobbies messing with electrical / electronic stuff, I was a gamer, quite geeky. I didn't get bullied because I entertained the tough kids with my silly antics and winding up the teachers to despair. I made them laugh so they liked me. I was mostly protected by them.

Not really into sports and such but my hobbies I guess were still generally masculine. In my later teens I got into fashion, doing my hair, DJing and that so I started to crossover a little. Eventually I became a bit of a full time raver kid wearing fluro stuff and being a bit alternative. I have been called sissy a good few times as I'm pretty soft natured and wasn't a tough guy. I was very capable of taking the alpha position in the right circumstances however.

Looks wise I had tummy and facial hair by 14. But I looked a skinny kid until I was in my 20s. Then generally had stubble on my face but immaculate styled hair in ever changing styles and colours. So I guess I was just a trendy male tbh. I was also basically related to a werewolf as my body was covered in hair. I had to pluck up courage to go into the hotel pool in Florida cos everyone looked smooth and I was like a monkey! Funny but then others followed that looked more like me.

So yeah I guess I was quite masculine but with some feminine traits. As I've got older my feminine side has dominated hence where I am now. I can only describe myself as totally fluid throughout my life. I treat myself as an experiment that can try new things and grow into whatever feels right. I don't think most people are like me. Some people think I'm crazy, as to me big decisions are just whims. But I don't ever regret them.

Charlotte 😻

[KathyLauren]

I was bullied in elementary school and junior high school.  I was sexually assaulted in high school.  All, I am pretty sure, because I wasn't masculine enough for their standards.  In the air force, I wasn't bullied.  I was good at my job, which helped others to overlook my personality.  But it was very clear to me that I didn't fit in. 

I wasn't a victim of "The Purge", the official policy in the Canadian Forces that all LGBTQ+ members were to be dishonourably discharged, but that is probably only because I left voluntarily before I was reported for not being masculine enough.

That was 45 years ago, and I haven't gotten any more masculine since then.  I find most forms of masculinity repulsive, in myself or others.

Socially, transitioning helped me relax around others.  I am no longer an actor on a stage; I am just me.  I'll never be a social butterfly, because I am (most likely) "on the spectrum".  But I am much more accepted than I ever used to be.

[Allie Jayne]

I grew up with 3 brothers in a socio economically challenged area, and being seen as strong was a survival need. Though I hated my puberty, I emerged naturally muscled and quite strong. Whilst not the tallest kid, I earned a reputation for being the toughest. At 14 I was transferred to a tough school, and quickly established myself as someone not to try bully. I decided to try give up these transgender feelings and go for an ultra masculine life.

I became a diesel mechanic, and spent 30 years in the testosterone driven industry, and had a reputation for doing jobs others couldn't. I also found myself in alpha male leadership roles in my community. To contrast all this, I was a single parent for 17 years, and also was known as someone who was great with children. Strangely, people who knew me just accepted that I was equally proficient at fixing trucks and caring for kids.

By 50, the testosterone atmosphere in my career was intolerable to me, so I semi retired to teaching kids and adults. My wife knew I was trans, and our agreement was that she would leave if I transitioned, and I was committed to keep her. My body had other ideas, I developed hypogonadism and my genitals atrophied as my dysphoria became intolerable. It finally made me so sick my doctor told me I needed to transition to survive. Even then I fought it, but realised I needed to stay on hormones. I reluctantly transitioned, my wife left, but strangely, I am still quite strong after 7 years of HRT, and still find myself in alpha roles.

In retrospect, despite the social roles, I have alway been myself inside, and through phases of my life, this has come through. Some people were confused by this, but most just accepted that I had both strong masculine and feminine sides to me, and after 7 years of transition, this is still true.

Hugs,

Allie