Solo girl trip

[Jillian-TG]

Thought I would post a picture or two from my current solo girls trip. Most women dress comfy and casual so I'm trying to blend in. Dinners I've put on a dress but more casual during the day.
So far so good.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Beautiful pictures and you look very relaxed which is lovely to see. I imagine the dresses for dinner are very pretty too.

C😻

[ChrissyRyan]

It is nice to get away on a vacation.

Have fun.


Chrissy

[Jillian-TG]

What has taken me by surprise is how tiring it can be for someone like me who is only accustomed to going out for short periods of time - usually an hour or two. Being out 24/7 is more tiring than expected because while I absolutely love being myself, I'm also still very self conscious and it takes some effort to do this.

I'm sure it would get progressively easier if I was able to do this permanently but I'm just saying it's more emotionally tiring than I expected. That has taken me by surprise   

[ChrissyRyan]

I can relate to being self conscious.  I took trips to be out of town to be myself full time.
It did seem easier as time passed.  I gained more confidence.  Yet, I felt that many were scoping me out, so I was careful and stressed, but this too mostly passed as I seemed to experience fewer unpleasant moments. 

So, the more you have opportunities to present and be yourself in safe situations, and experience this, it does become easier to be out and about.  Being with others you know may help for sure, if they are accepting.  So even a local day with these others can be helpful too.

I wish good experiences for you as you venture out.  Be safe and try to enjoy these times.



 

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

  @Jillian-TG
Dear Jillian:
I am so very happy to read about your good news regarding your "solo girls trip"
The pictures that you shared are very nice to see.

Along with your other readers and avid followers, I will be eagerly looking for
your future updates... please keep posting and keep them coming.
         ❤️
Many HUGS and my best wishes for your happiness and success.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

[tgirlamg]

Jillian!

Well Done Sister!... keep doing what you're doing! It all gets easier and "tiring" is replaced with "comfortable and happy like I never dreamed I could be!"

Onward!

Ashley 💕

[Jessica33]

Thought I would post a picture or two from my current solo girls trip. Most women dress comfy and casual so I'm trying to blend in. Dinners I've put on a dress but more casual during the day.
So far so good.

You look fabulous Jillian

[Jillian-TG]

I would like to take a moment to be brutally honest and transparent here about the solo girls cruise I just took. I am probably guilty of making it sound like too much of a success. This trip is best summarized in one single word: bittersweet. The definition of a bittersweet experience is a situation that brings both positive and negative emotions at the same time — something that is pleasant or meaningful, yet also tinged with sadness.

I will fast forward to the end of the trip and this afternoon which was my last full day.

I went back into boy mode and I went to the buffet to get a snack. I walked past a seat where I had previously sat when i was in female mode the past couple days. I then wanted to sit down and the other seat I took happened to be in the exact same other spot I had also sat when in female mode. Sitting there I was able to look across to that first seat where I had sat previously in female mode. It brought back a flood of memories and emotions when I was looking at the empty chair. There was something metaphoric about that empty seat and what it signified. That woman that I was for the past few days was gone. Again. Emptiness was the replacement to what was once me.

I remembered that when I was originally sitting there in that other seat I was feeling happy that I could "be myself" in female mode yet I also remember how scared, lonely and lost I felt. Bittersweet. When I was in female mode I knew that there wasn't anyone in my circle of family or friends who actually wanted to be there with me. Nobody. After a lifetime of building a family and opportunity to foster friendships - there wasn't a single person I could think of who would have been happy to be seated there. The closest possibility would be my wife but she's a very reluctant participant at the best of times. So there I was, all alone. I was painfully aware that when it came to family, nobody likes that version of me and nobody would be proud of me. In fact, I knew that my wife is very embarrassed by that side of me. So when I was sitting in those seats in female mode on this cruise it was bittersweet enjoying some freedom "to be me" but also feeling so lost and lonely. I tried to ignore it.

So on my last day when I was back in boy mode and looking "normal" again to the rest of the world, I sat there in the buffet and looked across at that empty seat previously occupied by a version of me in a different role just a day or two before. Here's the part that twisted my heart:
I wished I could just magically transport myself back in time just a day or two and walk over there to the table and give myself a hug and say it's ok and that you are loved. I would have liked to say to myself "you are not an embarrassment and who you are in your heart is someone bringing good and positive energy for this world."
I just wanted to go back there and offer myself a hug because I know just how lonely and even scared I was when I was sitting there alone. Feeling lost and lonely is a horrible feeling.

The emotions caught me off guard. When I walked out the buffet this afternoon the emotions bubbled up and a few tears flowed. I went back to my cabin and cried myself out. I don't think I can find the right words to describe the emotions but I haven't cried like that in many many years.

I basically shared this same message with my wife and she wasn't too empathetic and she seems a little upset that I did this trip despite the fact that we had discussed it thoroughly before the trip was booked.

I just thought I would share this in case others read my accounts and think everything is rosy.

[Pema]

Thank you, Jillian. I'm sorry that it couldn't be 100% sweet. I hope you feel like overall it was worth it. I've appreciated your updates throughout, and I hope you'll continue them when you feel like it.

Love,
Pema

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Jillian-TG
Dear Jillian:
Thank you for sharing from your heart. 
Always remember your good moments and memories and cherish the fact that you
successfully went on your cruise in "female mode" and enjoyed those times.

Please be aware that most of us that have been in the transition journey when
we were bouncing between "female mode" and "male mode" had felt much of the
same emotions that you wrote about.

You don't need to provide any explanations ...  your honesty was refreshing and
in many ways your trip and your experiences were a "rosy" success that are
important for you to remember as you continue on. 
When and if you choose to go Full-Time you will be in a more stable situation
with your personal presentation.

Also, please know that I am very happy for you that your wife accepts and affirms
your transition decision as much as she presently does.  I am aware that many of
transitioning members do not have a accepting spouse and other family members.

I will be eagerly following your future "adventures." You have my wishes for your
success and happiness.  Please keep your updates coming.
              ❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  Forum Admin

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Hi Jillian,
I'm pleased you had such a nice time for those days you could be your true self, and I could see this in your beautiful pictures. Your account of seeing the spot where you sat previously brought a tear to my eye too, as I appreciate how you long to be authentic all of the time. As you say yourself, you do have a good heart and bring good energy to the world. And being authentic is never an embarrassment.

I hope you find more of these opportunities to express yourself soon and maybe through time and talking, you can progress closer to full time. I don't know if or how, but life is never still and people do change minds and opinions.

In the meantime we are all here to listen. Stay beautiful.

Love and hugs
Charlotte 😻

[Jillian-TG]

Hi Jillian,
I'm pleased you had such a nice time for those days you could be your true self, and I could see this in your beautiful pictures. Your account of seeing the spot where you sat previously brought a tear to my eye too, as I appreciate how you long to be authentic all of the time. As you say yourself, you do have a good heart and bring good energy to the world. And being authentic is never an embarrassment.

I hope you find more of these opportunities to express yourself soon and maybe through time and talking, you can progress closer to full time. I don't know if or how, but life is never still and people do change minds and opinions.

In the meantime we are all here to listen. Stay beautiful.

Love and hugs
Charlotte 😻

Wise words - to be authentic should never be an embarrassment!

[ChrissyRyan]

It is nice you were able to go on your cruise. 

Do enjoy the week ahead.

Chrissy

[Stottie Girl]

If I'm understanding you correctly, you've gone on a cruise presenting as a woman on your own?

Wow that is so brave! I'm really impressed! I don't think I would have the courage to do it.

Looking at your pictures, I would be surprised if anyone knew. I can see why you might be feeling melancholy going back to your old role but I'm sure in time all you will remember is that freedom where you were able to be you.

I only wish I can one day have as much courage as you.

[Jillian-TG]

If I'm understanding you correctly, you've gone on a cruise presenting as a woman on your own?

Wow that is so brave! I'm really impressed! I don't think I would have the courage to do it.

Looking at your pictures, I would be surprised if anyone knew. I can see why you might be feeling melancholy going back to your old role but I'm sure in time all you will remember is that freedom where you were able to be you.

I only wish I can one day have as much courage as you.

Yes I went full time 24/7 on the cruise and it's the first time in my life that I was not just dressing for a short period of time. Although I have ventured out in public before (many times actually) it's always been for short periods of time and often during quiet periods while on a cruise. So doing it 24/7 was a huge milestone for me. And while my pictures might make it appear that I would "pass" in public I'm sure my body language and poster would give me away to most people.

It was a bittersweet experience doing this. Enjoyed the freedom but I was also lonely which made me feel sort of "lost" and isolated and that had me more sad than I expected.