college applications: recommendation letter not matching with common app pronoun

[Tal]

so I don't know where else to put this, but I'm applying to college soon and it's a lot... Anyway one of those things is college recommendation letters. I've gotten two of my teachers to write them, and while both know me quite well I don't feel comfortable coming out to them (I live in a state where it would be dangerous to do so, even if my school is accepting in of itself).

I'm not sure how much consideration is put into pronouns on my college application matching the ones on my recommendation letter, but I am getting conflicting information from all sides. My mother tells me not to put it, for fear it could be used against me (which I'm sure violates some privacy laws), my brother says its fine, since my birth pronouns are she/her/hers and I usually use some form of she/they when asked to give my pronouns and so she/her could be considered valid for me so they likely won't mind. He says if I'm that worried about it, to just not put anything at all in the gender slot.

I don't know, I want to be honest about who I am, but what if that hurts my chances because the pronouns don't match? I honestly might be overthinking this a little, as I have anxiety, but I figure it's better to get perspectives from multiple people. Should I leave that section blank? Put my gender identity? Fill it in as if I'm cis?

Thank you for any advice you can give me.

Tal

[Pema]

Yeah, that's a tough call, because I don't know that the outcome is predictable. And it might vary depending on the school. A few years ago, I might have said to do whatever feels comfortable. Today I can't be sure that's advisable.

If they're literally asking for your preferred pronouns, then I'd probably write what you actually prefer (if I were in your place). And if they didn't admit me because of that (which I'd never know), then I probably didn't want to go there anyway. But if you *really* want to get into the school and think there's even a hint of a chance this would prevent it, then I'd consider telling them what they want to hear. A college admissions office probably isn't the place I'd choose to make a statement about transgender rights - well, not on Day 1 anyway.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I'm with Pema on this. It is a tough call.

I think I would opt for something that doesn't raise eyebrows (he/she) for now. After you get in, it is too late to deny your application, and you suddenly change your mind and decide you prefer "they". They don't ask for the effective date of your gender, so it could be the day after your first class.

Let us know what you decide and how it works out.