Hi KellieI can only speak from my own experience, but I hope it helps in some way.
When I was younger, between about 20 and 30, I did dress as a female occasionally. At the time, in the 80s, I did not think it was wrong and I did not analyse it or questioned it. I did not know anything about labels and I did not think of myself in those terms.
Through the 80s the feeling of wanting and longing to be female became stronger. I still did not question why, I just knew the feeling was there.
In February 1989 I changed my life aroound. I went straight back to work as a female and began living that way full time. I also started HRT shortly after. That combination, living and HRT, completely removed that longing. I have never wanted to be a female since, because I was already living my life as one.
I never questioned it then and I still do not. I never told anyone and I never felt the need to explain it to myself or to anyone else. I have lived my life privately and simply got on with it.
As Ciara says
Quote from: Ciara on March 19, 2026, 06:12:38 AMI'm not an expert Kellie but, does it really matter? I think trans and crossdresser are only labels.
For me what is most important is what i know about myself and how I feel. I know that I have wanted to be a woman all my life. I know that I feel I am a woman inside despite my outward appearance. Crossdressing changes that outward appearance and gives me relief and hope.
I really don't care what my label is. I am who I am and I have learned to love who I am.
I agree with what Ciara is saying about labels not being the important thing and that what matters is what you know about yourself and how you feel. For me, the earlier dressing as a female was just that, not cross dressing and this was only a small part of my life and not something that defined me.
Because of that I do not see myself as transgender or a cross dresser. Those labels were not part of my life at the time and they do not describe how I understand myself. I am simply female. So while I agree with Ciara that labels are not what matter, I would also say you do not need to put yourself into those two categories at all.
Kellie when you say the following in answer to Sephirah's questions:
Quote from: Dawn Kellie on March 19, 2026, 05:40:20 PMWhen i think.of myself in my mind I don't see the 30+ year rough around the edges electrician that I've been. I know I've always looked at women's clothes and makeup and wondered why can't I do that. I got my toenails done the first time and felt this is correct. I then got toe rings and anklets and thought this looks right. I got my fingers done and felt my hands look right. I put on some if my female clothes and wish I had breasts so it would look right.
I always would rather be around women and chat then hang with the boys. I have always been that way. I went and got color matched for makeup and was not excited as much as relieved that this feels more like what my life should be.
I don't get excited when wearing my clothes but I feel comfortable in them.
The reason I'm thinking HRT is my body doesn't feel right. Im missing something.
Thank you for asking just sitting down and writing is making things come into view. I don't know if you really expected am answer or the questions were rhetorical
Two things stand out for me. One, I have always looked at other women and thought about long hair, wanted my nails done, wear the clothes and be like them and be with them. But that was the extent of it. Two, so when I changed my life around, I did all of those things without hesitation as it was just normal. In both cases I never questioned why.
As for missing something, I understood that feeling too. I knew I wanted breasts but also knew that was not possible at the time. Dressing felt right, but it did not feel completely right either. That only resolved once I changed my life around and started HRT.
So the question here is, what do I see in regards to you? I just see another female just like me, but one who is just questioning who they are.
To answer your question "Am I a crossdresser or trans?" from my perspective, I would say you are a female.
When Sephirah says:
Quote from: Sephirah on March 19, 2026, 05:54:18 PMI am not someone qualified to tell you what you should do... but I think you need to look into this more. Because it feels to me like how you feel goes deeper than just wearing a certain attire, or looking a certain way. You're looking to fulfil a need. A need you've had for a long time.
Cross dressing is cross dressing when someone feels like they're crossing a line. From what you've said... I don't think that's necessarily the case with you. From what you've said... it feels like you're just... dressing.
Honey, you need to contact someone who can advise you better. Someone trained in gender issues. You need to tell them what you've told me and let them advise you where to go next. If you don't feel like you're creating a life, but living a life... that's a thing. You need to take this further.
Neither am I a qualified person to tell you what you should do. I agree with Sephirah that to answer the questions you have about yourself you would need to seek a therapist. From what you have said about yourself all I see is a female and a need you have so elegantly spoken about. As Sephirah has said you are not crossdressing you are just dressing, which reflects my own experience as well.
Yes, you need to take it further like I did, but in your own way that makes you happy and content, focusing on what actually brings you a sense of relief or rightness in your day to day life.
There is no need to rush or define yourself too quickly, as your path will become clearer over time.
Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@Ciara @Dawn Kellie @Sephirah
