The world according to Sarah

[Stottie Girl]

I'm sure it will feel good to understand what is happening and hope it's soon! ❤️

I forgot I'd been babbling abourt my medical issues too! Thanks Krista. You are right, the sooner they work out what's wrong, the sooner I can get on with my life.

[Stottie Girl]

Another introvert here, and I agree with Charlotte; the hiking club sounds perfect. What about a photography club, cooking classes, or local history groups that could benefit from your experience?

The key is that you are not there to make friends. You are there to participate in the event, and that keeps the pressure off. If it is a regular event, people will get to know you. I typically don't TRY to make new friends, because I mostly just don't care. I do try to keep my walls down, so I still meet people.

I don't intentionally drive people away. I just really suck at keeping relationships working, and people drift away. But having common activities seems to help keep things together longer.

I AM lonely though, I DO want to make friends but I'm rubbish at it!

At the moment I am just not fit enough to do even the beginner hikes I think. Besides, if I join one of those groups, I want to join fully transitioned. I do not want to have to transition after getting to know everyone. I do like photography workshops but they tend to be one offs, I think you need to be turning up somewhere regularly to have any chance of making friends.

I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself because I'm a bit hurt. I've invested all my efforts into one person and I should have been more outgoing I think. When they drifted away I am left with nobody, I used to be so independant and resiliant. Maybe opening myself up wasn't the best idea right now. I have so much going on in my life at the moment it's all getting on top of me. There's no real quick fix for this sadly but I think once male me is gone for good I will be embracing all these ideas. I think as a male people just didn't gel with me but I hope as Sarah I am a bit more likeable maybe, a bit more outgoing.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I have so much going on in my life at the moment it's all getting on top of me. There's no real quick fix for this sadly

Doctor Lori is prescribing you P I C K L E S!

Pickles or chocolate. Either one works for me.

🤣

[tammy753]

Doctor Lori is prescribing you P I C K L E S!

Pickles or chocolate. Either one works for me.

🤣

Or Chocolate Covered Pickles? 🤢

[KristaFairchild]

I forgot I'd been babbling abourt my medical issues too! Thanks Krista. You are right, the sooner they work out what's wrong, the sooner I can get on with my life.

Not babbling. May I encourage you not to diminish yourself? Because I always gain from your posts and comments. When I see you said something, I click it. 

Thanks for all you are doing for me and others on here, Sarah. 

[Stottie Girl]

Not babbling. May I encourage you not to diminish yourself? Because I always gain from your posts and comments. When I see you said something, I click it.

Thanks for all you are doing for me and others on here, Sarah.

What I'm doing? I just seem to come on here and moan on these days. But if that helps people out then you are all weirder than me 🤣🤣

I'm British remember, self deprecation is the national pastime!

Thanks though, that's really sweet of you to say Krista.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

What I'm doing? I just seem to come on here an moan on these days. But if that helps people out then you are all weirder than me 🤣🤣

I'm British remember, self deprecation is the national pastime!

Thanks though, that's really sweet of you to say Krista.

You far from moan on Sarah. You got a lot going on right now so think you need it off your chest. Dealing with dysphoria, medical issues and a move. Its a lot. Soon though this will be history....calm will resume and you can look back from a place of safety as your true self.

Sending hugs 🫂

[KristaFairchild]

What I'm doing? I just seem to come on here an moan on these days. But if that helps people out then you are all weirder than me 🤣🤣

I'm British remember, self deprecation is the national pastime!

Thanks though, that's really sweet of you to say Krista.

My roots are British as well. And I have this weird pain in my eye...

[Stottie Girl]

Can I just say thank you to all of you who posted today. I started the day really hurt and upset, tearful and frankly thoroughly miserable, I've been weepy at work all day. All your supportive messages have really helped me. I am ending the day in quite a jovial mood. The support I get from all of you is a little humbling and overwhelming.

Thank you so much it really does mean a lot. I don't feel quite so alone anymore.❤️

[Petunia]

Sarah, I don't think I have read anything on Susan's from anybody and thought they are moaning.

We are all on our own journies trying to move past all the obstacles in our paths.

Some of these obstacles have been put in place by our own minds. Doubts, fears, dysphoria, poor self esteem, need I go on.

We all have these issues it's just sometimes one of us breaks through and gets to be who we are meant to be.

I think Krista was the last lucky girl and we all feel so happy for her.

It will happen to all of us at some stage. Patience is hard going on this journey.

I was going to suggest you join a walking group, or a stretching/fitness class might be a good starting point for you.

When I come on here I think I'm either writing about euphoria or being neurotic about the latest step I took even though I know I can't remain as I am for the reset of my life.

[Stottie Girl]

Sarah, I don't think I have read anything on Susan's from anybody and thought they are moaning.

We are all on our own journies trying to move past all the obstacles in our paths.

Some of these obstacles have been put in place by our own minds. Doubts, fears, dysphoria, poor self esteem, need I go on.

We all have these issues it's just sometimes one of us breaks through and gets to be who we are meant to be.

I think Krista was the last lucky girl and we all feel so happy for her.

It will happen to all of us at some stage. Patience is hard going on this journey.

I was going to suggest you join a walking group, or a stretching/fitness class might be a good starting point for you.

When I come on here I think I'm either writing about euphoria or being neurotic about the latest step I took even though I know I can't remain as I am for the reset of my life.

Thanks Petunia, it really is a roller coaster we're on isn't it. I tend to feel the highest highs and the lowest lows it comes with wearing my emotions on my sleeve. That's just me though. I know I can be a bit high strung for some people. Maybe that is why I drive people away. I love hard and am fiercely loyal but I also hurt hard and can get into some pretty dark moods at times. I must be quite high maintenance!

[Stottie Girl]

Well I got my blood tests back. Whilst the readings are towards the top end of the range it looks like I don't have Hypothyroidism. Everything else checks out fine with the only abnormalities being things like blood count etc that are below range for a man but withing range for a woman.

Th biggest issue is my estradiol reading though it's very high at 1,234 pmol/L oopsie! I've immediately lowered my dose. Good news is my T is below 0.5 and near totally suppressed and my Potassium levels are smack bang in the middle of range despite re-starting Spiro on half the dose.

Not sure any of this helps figure out why i still have fluid in my legs though. We will see what the next tests they send me on will be.

Probably off for a CT or MRI scan to see if I need my gall bladder removed, lovely!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

How on earth are you getting E levels that high? Are you on injected as i can't see that easily possible on any other route! Maybe thats the reason for getting good feminization...extreme levels!! Not sure it's healthy or not.

Glad that everything else seems to be in range even if not ideal. In all honesty I think as you improve your fitness a lot may sort itself out hopefully.

[Stottie Girl]

How on earth are you getting E levels that high? Are you on injected as i can't see that easily possible on any other route! Maybe thats the reason for getting good feminization...extreme levels!! Not sure it's healthy or not.

Glad that everything else seems to be in range even if not ideal. In all honesty I think as you improve your fitness a lot may sort itself out hopefully.

I was taking 8mg estradiol Charlotte. I had upped my dose from 6mg as I stopped Spiro and in a panic I thought I would compensate for it! It's clearly too much for me so I've dropped to 4mg and I reintroduced spiro at a much lower safer dose about a week before this test.

I am totally chuffed the T is so low though, it's pretty much gone from my system. I've had so many tests done and nearly all the readings are normal for a CIS woman but low for a CIS man. That is afrirming to me somehow. Apart from the gallbladder issue and the mystery edema (Which could well be due to the high E aparently) I appear to be disgustingly healthy! A miracle considering how much I abused my body when I was younger!

[Gina P]

  Dam girl, that E is high. I thought mine, at close to 600 was high. I've noticed a lot of weird emotions lately, anxiety, worry, and even gender dysphoria has made a guest appearance. I hope you are ok and get those number back to more manageable levels.  

[KristaFairchild]

Thanks Petunia, it really is a roller coaster we're on isn't it. I tend to feel the highest highs and the lowest lows it comes with wearing my emotions on my sleeve. That's just me though. I know I can be a bit high strung for some people. Maybe that is why I drive people away. I love hard and am fiercely loyal but I also hurt hard and can get into some pretty dark moods at times. I must be quite high maintenance!

You're not driving this girl away and I don't see others running either. 

We SEE you, Sarah. 

Your talk of high maintenance made me think a favorite old film, When Harry Met Sally. "You're high maintenance. But in a good way"

[tammy753]

Well I got my blood tests back. Whilst the readings are towards the top end of the range it looks like I don't have Hypothyroidism. Everything else checks out fine with the only abnormalities being things like blood count etc that are below range for a man but withing range for a woman.

Th biggest issue is my estradiol reading though it's very high at 1,234 pmol/L oopsie! I've immediately lowered my dose. Good news is my T is below 0.5 and near totally suppressed and my Potassium levels are smack bang in the middle of range despite re-starting Spiro on half the dose.

Not sure any of this helps figure out why i still have fluid in my legs though. We will see what the next tests they send me on will be.

Probably off for a CT or MRI scan to see if I need my gall bladder removed, lovely!

That's great news! I was taking 8mg for a while but I cut down to 6 mg a while ago.

[Stottie Girl]

That's great news! I was taking 8mg for a while but I cut down to 6 mg a while ago.

Are you getting your levels checked? I'm curious whether you would have had a high level like mine when you wer on 8mg? I wish I had come clean about it to my GP years ago. Apart from one GP who was clearly uncomfortable talking about trans issues and their refusal of scared care the experience has been amazing and she was the one who requested the hormone blood panel when I asked her to. I'm not that bothered about the shared care side of things if they are willing to do bloods as I know my T is fully supressed now I'm happy to go the cheaper route with spiro until I've got enough for an orchie.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

When I was on pills i needed 6mg to get about 400pmol/l. My T was always around 0.5 due to cypro. I seem to need a lot of E to get decent levels!

[Stottie Girl]

When I was on pills i needed 6mg to get about 400pmol/l. My T was always around 0.5 due to cypro. I seem to need a lot of E to get decent levels!

Well that's curious. Clearly it's more nuanced than just popping enough pills. I guess it's true that everyone is different and they have to tailor the meds to suit. Bear in mind though I've been on HRT a lot longer than you have.