What do you say to someone who says you do not look “that transgender”?

[ChrissyRyan]

What do you say to someone who says you do not look "that transgender"?

Or that "You do not look as transgender" as she or he thought you would? 

Would your response change if they said, "You look more like a woman than I thought you would, considering you are transgender?"

Would your response change if they said, "You look more like a woman than I thought you would, considering you are really a man?"

Then there are CIS people that many people think they "look transgender."  Some famous people have been noted to "look transgender" when they are not, they are CIS.

So is there a "transgender look"?

[CosmicJoke]

What do you say to someone who says you do not look "that transgender"?

Or that "You do not look as transgender" as she or he thought you would? 

Would your response change if they said, "You look more like a woman than I thought you would, considering you are transgender?"

Would your response change if they said, "You look more like a woman than I thought you would, considering you are really a man?"

Then there are CIS people that many people think they "look transgender."  Some famous people have been noted to "look transgender" when they are not, they are CIS.

So is there a "transgender look"?

In my opinion no because most people's looks change. It is actually very uncommon for somebody's looks to stay the same especially if they aged significantly. Maybe if somebody takes very good care of themselves people might say "Wow, they look good." In most cases there's alot that could happen in somebody's life that could significantly change them. It's just a part of life.

From my experience the "look" of a man or a woman is a stereotypical image. The same goes for cisgender people. Even with that being said I reiterate what I said above.

[Stottie Girl]

To be honest Chrissy. I don't like any of those comments. They are all on the offensive side. If I received them I would know I have failed. MY aim is to pass and not stand out so if someone clocked me like that I would probably be mortified.

Is there a transgender "look". Well sort of I suppose. It is when there is a clear mismatch between the gender you are trying to be and the physical features or mannerisms of your person. This could mean different things to different people. But it could be your facial features, your size, the way you walk, your feet or hands, the adams apple, the voice and so on. Androgenous people can often fall into this same trap.

If someone said something like that to me I would be very upset and wary of the individual that said it. They may not mean anything bad by it but they could harbour negative views. They certainly aren't very empathetic so I'm not sure I would want to be around someone like that.

[KathyLauren]

What do you say to someone who says you do not look "that transgender"?

"What does transgender look like?"

Or that "You do not look as transgender" as she or he thought you would? 

"What does transgender look like?  How is it quantifiable?"

Would your response change if they said, "You look more like a woman than I thought you would, considering you are transgender?"

"Thank you.  (I think.)"

Would your response change if they said, "You look more like a woman than I thought you would, considering you are really a man?"

My response would be an obscene gesture, and the conversation would most definitely be over.  Forcefully so, if necessary.

So is there a "transgender look"?

We all know that some trans people can be "clocked".  Masculine features sometimes betray trans women.  Or sometimes not.  It is not reliable.  There is certainly no one "look".

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I'd take the one that implies I look at least somewhat womanly despite being trans as a compliment. Anything is better than nothing.

The others would depend on what they meant by it. If they were just not very competent with their social skills, I'd just explain the issue with the comment and my thoughts. If it was vindictive I'd walk away or call them a four letter word, tell them about themselves before walking away!

Charlotte 😻

[Lori Dee ✅]

Just the phrasing of their comment screams transphobia to me.

I have never encountered anyone who talks that way.

But if I did, I might reply with something like:

"You look a lot smarter than I expected, for such an idiot."

[ChrissyRyan]

I do not like any those questions posed except one may be tolerable if innocently or not snarkily asked:

  "You look more like a woman than I thought you would, considering you are transgender."

[Lori Dee ✅]

I do not like any those questions posed except one may be tolerable if innocently or not snarkily asked:

  "You look more like a woman than I thought you would, considering you are transgender."

The reason I dislike it is that it implies that women and transgender people are two different things. It implies that transgender people do not look like women.

[ChrissyRyan]

The reason I dislike it is that it implies that women and transgender people are two different things. It implies that transgender people do not look like women.

Lori,

Yes, I can see that.  I guess it is the least offensive one, if I ranked them.  I dislike them all in ways.  I should have not effectively stated I dislike all but that one, it is that I dislike it the least.

Chrissy

[KathyLauren]

I do not like any those questions posed except one may be tolerable if innocently or not snarkily asked:

  "You look more like a woman than I thought you would, considering you are transgender."

I said I would say "Thank you, I think" because the person is trying to be nice, for an ignorant prat.  I give thanks for effort.  But none of them are nice.

[ChrissyRyan]

I said I would say "Thank you, I think" because the person is trying to be nice, for an ignorant prat.  I give thanks for effort.  But none of them are nice.

Kathy,

I agree.   I dislike them all in ways.  I should have not effectively stated I dislike all but that one, it is that I dislike it the least.

[Paulie]

The reason I dislike it is that it implies that women and transgender people are two different things.

But we are.  Sorry, please know that don't mean this in a way that we are not equal. 

It implies that transgender people do not look like women.

A lot of us don't.  I do not look like a woman, I never will.  But I am still transgender.

I don't anticipate ever being asked any variation of that question because, after almost 3 years on HRT I have some of the traits of a women, but I'm nowhere near passing.  If things were different and I was in that situation, I imagine it would be coming from someone I had a good relationship with, in that case I'd probably just give a "thanks" or ignore the question like it was never asked.  Any more of an answer then that would probably lead to more questions and I'm not really to discuss this part of my life with anyone.  Anyone that is, outside of Susan's.

If the question came from an acquaintance, I'd most likely respond with a dirty look and move on.

Paulie.

[Lori Dee ✅]

A lot of us don't.  I do not look like a woman, I never will.  But I am still transgender.

Good point, Paulie.

I meant that appearance and gender are not necessarily connected. There are many women who do not look like women.

Far too many of us worry about "passing" when there are cis-women who do not. The longer we accept forced standards of appearance and roles, the longer we will suffer comments that we don't fit in. But I also understand that until we (society) reach that point of acceptance, it may be prudent to try to fit in for safety or other reasons.

[Tills]

I taught in two all-girls schools. They faced all of this.

The damage that this looks-obsessed world causes on women of all types is incalculable. I saw girls whom this world would think were absolutely stunning ending up anorexic and in The Priory. That's an example of the terrible consequence of getting drawn into this way of thinking.

We are part of that female journey, not separate from it.

I categorically reject the premise behind this thread.

xx

[Dawn Kellie]

I've always been self reliant. I cant make everyone happy, and stopped trying. If something like that is said by someone I didn't know I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of a response.
If it was someone I cared about their opinion, I would question what they meant.  If they were trying to get me riled they may get a pop in the face. If they were trying to be helpful or they are confused I would probably have a long heartfelt talk.
You will never make everyone happy. Most people lash out to cover their insecurities.  Never give a person trying to make themselves feel better by trying to knock you down a reason to feel better.

Unless you can take them. Then a pop. It will make them think twice.  OK, I'm kidding. Violence is only to be used to protect those you love, the innocent and of course yourself.