Krista’s Celebrations and Doubts

[KristaFairchild]

A simple moment to record and share. 

I'm 10 days into HRT. That's one factor of many in my story. 

My comfort wearing my real clothes in public steadily increases. Today was my first day in public in he jean mini-skort that I love. In the past that would have meant a days of planning, fear, and anticipation. Even two months ago. 

Today I put it on, did my full makeup, went downtown, and didn't avoid crowded areas. 

Today also I realized that I feel like Krista often. My old male name is commonly used, but it is receding and doesn't feel like my name as much. 


I chat with many people about emotional matters. Work. Home. 12 Step. Susan's Place. Trans gatherings. ChatGPT. Therapy. Each has a different feeling and value. Today when I said to AI

"I am Krista, even when I'm doing ordinary life."

I was suddenly lit up. My whole nervous system went wild! My energy spiked. I wanted to shout. Or throw my phone across the room. I felt warm. Sexually aroused. Happy. Joyful.

All at once for 1 minute and then it was gone. Wow. 

realized

[KristaFairchild]

After 2 1/2 weeks on estradiol patch (dosage 1.0), I would not expect changes and there have been none - except the joy of being in it. Somone people experience early emotional shifts. I believe that my emotions were already fully unlocked and don't expect many changes in this area. I'm far more emotional than almost all women I know. 

But I'm open. No judgement or expectations as the experiment continues. I'm emotional, but I'm also a science person who accepts cold hard data! 

[ChrissyRyan]

Perhaps you will see some changes in about a month.

Enjoy your journey!



Chrissy

[Petunia]

I'm really happy for you Krista.

Have you had any mood swings at all or just euphoria?

[Alana Ashleigh]

I'm happy for you Krista. I was excited when I moved to patches

[KristaFairchild]

I'm really happy for you Krista.

Have you had any mood swings at all or just euphoria?

Really nothing. But my moods and emotions have been more typically female than male my whole life. 

[KristaFairchild]

Susans has been great but not always easy. At first things seems a little strained. I found lots of great information and loved being in a space with other woman like me, reading their stories, both similar and different. But it felt hard to connect on a personal level. I'm not judging myself or anyone else though I'll say that I'm hard on myself, have abandonment issues, and tend to view friendships through glasses clearly not tinted rose. 

Yet even I found people in here that I connect with. Thank you to all the people who consistently like my posts and reply. It matters deeply to me. Thanks to all of you who simply show up, too. Life has shown me that a brief comment that feels casual to the one who says it can be a lightning bolt of positive change for others. 

[KristaFairchild]

June 20, 2026 – Pride Day
Today belongs on the important-event calendar.
I woke up tired and I'm exhausted now, but Pride had a huge effect on me. The atmosphere was incredible. Music was playing, people were dancing, people were hugging, and there was a feeling in the air that is hard to describe. It honestly didn't feel like ultra conservative Redding. Attendance was fantastic—maybe 1,000 people or more. The weather was hot but bearable.
The strongest feeling of the day was simple: I was with my people. There were queer people everywhere! 

I represented our local LGBTQ+ nonprofit that hosted Pride and visited every booth. I introduced myself as Krista over and over throughout the day. This was new for me. I've use my femme name in queer spaces for months, but today I was empowered to be authentic. 

People were happy to see me because I'm trans and because I'm me. I think a hug record was set today! I saw many people who know me as Krista and only as Krista. I was asked my pronouns twice. None of it felt strange. None of it felt forced. It just felt natural.

My wife worked the booth for our local community college. Between shifts we had lunch together outside and hung out with my queer friends at the Center. She knows I sometimes go by Krista but she heard me called Krista for the first time today, many times. She heard me introduce myself that way. I felt like she saw into the world she sometimes perceives as separate or secret from her. 

And she saw me light up.

I wore a blue pleated above the knee skirt, a blue peplum blouse that highlighted my blue eyes,  white strappy sandals, full makeup, and jewelry. I felt completely comfortable. More than comfortable—I felt attractive. For one of the first times in a long while, I wasn't thinking about my body.  felt good exactly as I was.


The most striking realization came later when I reflected on the day. I was only Krista at Pride.

My male name and self finally slid into the shadows at a public event. He still shows up in family situations, at work sometimes, and in old roles I've carried for decades. But he wasn't there today. Pride belonged entirely to Krista.

Yesterday I felt invisible. Today I felt seen.
Yesterday I felt unheard. Today i shared my story.

Yesterday I was wrestling with feelings of abandonment and not being good enough. Today I felt welcomed, accepted, and connected.
This wasn't just a fun event. It felt like a glimpse of what life looks like when I stop worrying about who I am and simply live as myself.

[Petunia]

Thank you Krista for putting a big smile on my face.

I am so happy for and also your wife.

How cool is it that she was there with you helping out.

Congratulations

[ChrissyRyan]

June 20, 2026 – Pride Day
Today belongs on the important-event calendar.
I woke up tired and I'm exhausted now, but Pride had a huge effect on me. The atmosphere was incredible. Music was playing, people were dancing, people were hugging, and there was a feeling in the air that is hard to describe. It honestly didn't feel like ultra conservative Redding. Attendance was fantastic—maybe 1,000 people or more. The weather was hot but bearable.
The strongest feeling of the day was simple: I was with my people. There were queer people everywhere!

I represented our local LGBTQ+ nonprofit that hosted Pride and visited every booth. I introduced myself as Krista over and over throughout the day. This was new for me. I've use my femme name in queer spaces for months, but today I was empowered to be authentic.

People were happy to see me because I'm trans and because I'm me. I think a hug record was set today! I saw many people who know me as Krista and only as Krista. I was asked my pronouns twice. None of it felt strange. None of it felt forced. It just felt natural.

My wife worked the booth for our local community college. Between shifts we had lunch together outside and hung out with my queer friends at the Center. She knows I sometimes go by Krista but she heard me called Krista for the first time today, many times. She heard me introduce myself that way. I felt like she saw into the world she sometimes perceives as separate or secret from her.

And she saw me light up.

I wore a blue pleated above the knee skirt, a blue peplum blouse that highlighted my blue eyes,  white strappy sandals, full makeup, and jewelry. I felt completely comfortable. More than comfortable—I felt attractive. For one of the first times in a long while, I wasn't thinking about my body.  felt good exactly as I was.


The most striking realization came later when I reflected on the day. I was only Krista at Pride.

My male name and self finally slid into the shadows at a public event. He still shows up in family situations, at work sometimes, and in old roles I've carried for decades. But he wasn't there today. Pride belonged entirely to Krista.

Yesterday I felt invisible. Today I felt seen.
Yesterday I felt unheard. Today i shared my story.

Yesterday I was wrestling with feelings of abandonment and not being good enough. Today I felt welcomed, accepted, and connected.
This wasn't just a fun event. It felt like a glimpse of what life looks like when I stop worrying about who I am and simply live as myself.

This sounds like a remarkable day and memorable day for you Krista!  I am glad for you!

Chrissy

[Lori Dee ✅]

That is awesome, Krista!

Thank you for sharing that wonderful experience with us.

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, there is hope.

[tgirlamg]

Today I felt welcomed, accepted, and connected.
This wasn't just a fun event. It felt like a glimpse of what life looks like when I stop worrying about who I am and simply live as myself.

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

[KristaFairchild]

It's getting easier to be me. 

Easier to talk with my wife.

Easier to be fully femme in more spaces. Last week it was downtown Redding, capital of Trump style conservatism. 

I'm more relaxed. 

I love being fully dressed but I don't need it as much. 

I'm three weeks into HRT, so that could be part of it or it could other things like marriage counseling going well and simply getting used to being out. I feel emotionally more stable and softer, but my usual heart remains on my sleeve and tears in my eyes as always. 

Next steps remain. Deciding about breast forms. They make me feel fake, especially because I don't always wear them. My wig is similar. I've considered wearing it all the time but we get 70 days a year over 100° F (40° C) and the sweaty face would be a thing. And breast forms...what happens when I start to grow my own? My forms fit my body while the ones I grow will be small according to the statistics for people my age. 

My name is spreading wider; at Pride I introduced myself as Krista to dozens of people. 

I'm feeling more accepted as myself. I'm accepting myself better, too. Thank you to everyone who has posted, especially those who have replied to me. You are making a difference ❤️

[Finally Anna]

I felt completely comfortable. More than comfortable—I felt attractive. For one of the first times in a long while, I wasn't thinking about my body.  felt good exactly as I was.

Reading this makes me happy. What a fantastic feeling for you.

My wife worked the booth for our local community college. Between shifts we had lunch together outside and hung out with my queer friends at the Center. She knows I sometimes go by Krista but she heard me called Krista for the first time today, many times. She heard me introduce myself that way. I felt like she saw into the world she sometimes perceives as separate or secret from her.
And she saw me light up

And this must have been so nice for both her and for you.

I actually get tears in my eyes when reading about your experience.

[davina61]

Yes that is what my ex said, you look so much happier.

[Courtney G]

Congratulations on starting HRT!

And a million congratulations on attending a great Pride event and on the changes and feelings that it facilitated. For all these changes I've experienced and all of the years on HRT, I've still not been to a large-scale public event like that. June is coming to an end and I won't be making it to one but a local-ish small city is having theirs this fall and I plan on getting there, for sure.

[KristaFairchild]

Reading this makes me happy. What a fantastic feeling for you.
And this must have been so nice for both her and for you.

I actually get tears in my eyes when reading about your experience.

I often read stories in here with tears in my eyes. There is hope and joy in our journey. 

I really appreciate and value your posts, Anna - so much honesty and vulnerability 

[KristaFairchild]

Congratulations on starting HRT!

And a million congratulations on attending a great Pride event and on the changes and feelings that it facilitated. For all these changes I've experienced and all of the years on HRT, I've still not been to a large-scale public event like that. June is coming to an end and I won't be making it to one but a local-ish small city is having theirs this fall and I plan on getting there, for sure.

Local and smallish fits our Pride events. In some of the most conservative counties in the state, we have events. Towns of under 5,000 and cities of under 10,000. Our "big" city of 90,000 hosted the one I helped facilitate and attended with joy. 

The best part for me was seeing families and kids there, many not appearing to be part of the lgbtq community. 

[Courtney G]

The city near (a little over an hour away) me has a population of about 40,000.

[Petunia]

I often read stories in here with tears in my eyes. There is hope and joy in our journey.

I often read stories in here with tears in my eyes. There is hope and joy in our journey.

I suspect there are a lot of us who do that.

My wife keeps saying why do you spend so much time at Susan's?

I've shown her a few posts but she doesn't want to read to much about the subject