I have always suffered with gender incongruence. For 60 years I actively fought transition as it threatened everything I held dear to me. During the '60's it was dangerous to come out, and for most of the rest of my life I had children to care for. After my children set off on their own lives, my dysphoria increased. I did not believe that I could ever transition to live comfortably as a woman, and I knew my soul mate would leave me, so I made the considered decision never to transition, and I was determined never to give in.
Despite having a remarkably healthy life, in 2018 I became sick, and over 7 months, steadily declined until my doctors started to doubt I would survive. I had mentioned to them that I suffered with gender dysphoria, and bouts of depression, but they assured me that, even though they did not know what illness I had, it had nothing to do with my gender.
At about 6 months into this illness, my doctor suggested we had nothing to lose by exploring my gender incongruence, and sent me to see a WPATH registered psychologist, who, predictably diagnosed me as trans. She referred me to an endocrinologist. My wife said I should try hormones, as she was also doubting my survival, so I applied my first patch.
The illness miraculously went away, and I had a month of euphoria, then I was confronted with the fears I had held all my life. I fell into depression again, and after 3 months on HRT, stopped taking hormones. Within a week I was sick again, my doctor finally realised I was suffering extreme stress from resisting transition, and gave me the ultimatum, transition or die. My wife agreed, and I went back on hormones. It wasn't until 3 months later when I came out to my accepting family that I started to feel good.
Post bottom surgery I realised that my dysphoria was almost gone, and had I started with that, I might have avoided social transition, but it is too late now.
Hugs,
Allie
